Mind blown

When we first got married over a decade ago, we knew we would need to do IVF to have healthy children. Even before we got engaged, we agreed together to screen out a particular devastating mutation rather than passing it on to future generations. Part of what helps me cope with each cycle is knowing that it's partly by choice. I didn't know it would take this many cycles.

I always knew that I wouldn't want to be put in a position to have to decide to purposely terminate a pregnancy, even if it was allowed according to Jewish law guidelines. It wasn't until six years into our marriage that we even thought about starting a family. We were just happy being a young married couple. We only started fertility treatment three years ago. Seven IVFs and four miscarriages later, we're still no closer and I'm no longer in my late 20s.

Fast forward to present date, our new RE recommended a urologist that specializes in male infertility. We scheduled the appointment with a "what's he going to tell us already" attitude but wanting to cover all bases. Our original appointment was scheduled for May 1 but, me being anxious and wanting to get answers, I called daily until they had a cancellation. We went in this afternoon.

The doctor talked to us for about 10 minutes, getting our history, and then did a physical exam. In three minutes he discovered an issue. A varicocele is an enlargement of the veins around the testicles. In short, it means that the circulation around the testicles housing the sperm cooling system is malfunctioned. The sperm gets overheated and degrades before even getting out. So even though all tests at the first clinic came out normal regarding motility, volume, etc., there's something wrong with the DNA fragments from the overcooked sperm. He mentioned that it's a common issue and is correctable. Men who come in with infertility problems that get this done see a 40% increase in pregnancy rates, according to this doc.

My mind is completely blown. Never in a million years did I expect them to actually find an infertility issue. Not only an issue, but it's also one that isn't fixed by bypassing the traditional methods of getting pregnant with IVF and PGD. Apparently there's something wrong with the sperm DNA which makes the embryos not viable, even though they're testing normal with the PGD. It can also explain the low rates of fertilization to blasts ratio although he didn't say that directly.

I have so many feelings about this! I'm shocked that they found something. I'm surprised that it wasn't caught before. I'm frustrated at all the procedures we did leading to this appointment that could have taken place two years ago. I suppose I'm happy it's a fixable problem. I'm upset that we didn't know enough to ask. I'm angry that my old RE dismissed us so many times and that I believed him when he said, "Just keep transferring." So many shots. So many appointments. So many retrievals. So many tears.

On one hand I'm skeptical about this urologist having found something so quick - are you serious? Was it just that simple? Did we really go through seven IVFs before discovering this? Is he just saying surgery is needed because he wants to pad his billables? On the other hand, I trust my new RE who recommended him, so I guess we have to take his word for it. It may not even be the silver bullet we're looking for but knowing what we know now we can't not go through with it.

It's a 1 hour outpatient procedure with a limited recovery window. Discomfort expected for up to 3 days and sore for about two weeks. No IVF until 72 days after procedure to give time for the new sperm to generate.

I'm still processing all this.