Pesach 2018

I can't recall a time I was less looking forward to a holiday as much as this one. That's saying something because it's usually one of my favorites. I wasn't in the headspace and didn't want to participate in general life, let alone prepare a massive holiday. It's the holiday dedicated to teaching your children. For people who don't have children, it's a difficult time. I was spaced out and distracted most of last week. I forgot basic stuff off my shopping lists such as black pepper, potato starch, and plastic cutlery. The loss and failure is still fresh and I haven't climbed out yet.  Over the days of yom tov, families were walking in the beautiful weather with strollers to and from shul and meals gathering together with family and friends for the holiday festivities. It strikes a sensitive spot in my heart every time.

The general funk took a backseat as an actual emergency unfolded on erev yom tov. My sister's baby was rushed to the ER with breathing issues. Last year she was born prematurely at 30 weeks. Today she's a feisty one year old but there are lingering issues from her early birth, such as premature lungs. What started as a cold developed into pneumonia but it took them two days to figure it out. The seder was a heavy evening. There were enough non-religious people checking their phones for updates to give us news of what was happening. At one point the baby was transferred via ambulance to another hospital for their specialized PICU. There was nothing we could do to help and somehow we got through several steps of the seder before the update came that they were able to stabilize her breathing. We all let out the breath of air we didn't realize we were holding. Over the next few days we walked to each other's houses to get and transfer the latest updates.

It's been touch and go. She's improving but not out of the woods. She's in isolation until they can stabilize her breathing without oxygen support. The rest of us want to help but there's not much we can do. We're providing food and rides to baby's exhausted parents and trying to keep our incessant need for updates under control.