Plot thickens

So in addition to the varicocele, blood work indicated low testosterone. At this point I might be too numb to be shocked. Actually it's that if I think about it too much I get livid so I try not to. I don't know if the two issues are related but they are currently both being treated separately.

Mushroom shipper

DNA fragmentation study kit is on its way back to the lab via FedEx. The mushroom shipper was unexpected: 3 feet tall weighing in at over 25 lbs and really ugly. It looks like a port-a-potty. There's a canister inside and a lot of packaging for a tiny little vial. Once the results are back we can schedule the procedure for the varicocele. I'm worried about it -- it's still surgery -- and I want it behind us. There's no vindication that it's "his turn" or whatever. His pain is my pain and I hate to think that my husband will be uncomfortable.


I keep saying how it's mind boggling that our doctor never took a broader view of our situation in all the years of treatment under his care. I know we didn't originally come in for infertility, but after multiple failed transfers including several miscarriages he should have done more. I know I can't be annoyed at us -- what did we know?? -- but I can't help be upset and I have nowhere to channel that frustration. I'm upset that our RE cared so little after every loss that he didn't even bother testing anything additional. I'm upset that even when we did ask questions at our wtf appointments it never came up to test for male issues. I'm upset that we didn't know enough to ask about specifics. This is literally his job and he totally dropped the ball. We didn't know to ask more, to push more, to explore more. We didn't even know enough to Google.

I don't know if we have enough for a case to sue. Even if we can prove negligence, litigation will probably cost as much as whatever we sue for damages. We don't even know if these are the issues that keep causing the miscarriages, but they are definitely issues that should have been discovered during the course of our treatment. When we first started treatment, he was tested for regular things like volume and motility, etc. How is testosterone level not checked as part of the standard pre-IVF checklist? Instead of doing this simple test, they just kept telling us that there's nothing else to test for, to "just keep transferring," and harping on my weight.  I feel like we suffered for nothing and that there are no consequences for everything they put us through. I'm sad to think about all the people that have been hurt and may still get hurt because of this doctor and this clinic.


For all we know there's still some other mystery to uncover in addition to all this. For the time being, we're taking it one day at a time and dealing with things as they come.