Working on happiness

I tried to figure out what specifically was bothering me last week. I've been really meh for a while but this past week I just couldn't stop crying. Wednesday was the peak and the worst of it. Slowly I've been crawling out of it but in the meantime I made a list of triggers to see if there was anything specific I need to address. I don't think it was any one particular piece but rather the combination of all of them that made it a difficult week:

• It's been a month since the miscarriage and my period was expected. Hormones everywhere.
• Being in the L&D ward for a family visit
• Seeing Mother's Day ads starting on fb
• A friend my age had her second baby earlier this year. This week her husband went to get a vasectomy. They're done and not shy about telling people.
• Being told it's not a good time to hold the baby. I get it, I really do. But to my overly-sensitive self at the time it felt like a slap in the face as a reminder that it's not my baby and that I don't have one to just hold and snuggle whenever I feel like it.
• Being frustrated at having to wait for results for
• DNA frag test
• Endocrinology lab blood work 
• Pap smear 
• Handyman estimate
• Losing patience at having to wait for specialist until fall. Feeling like we're stuck.
• Harping on old clinic's negligence at not doing their job better and wasting all that money. Getting an unexpected bill from them for multiple hundreds of dollars didn't help. 

Overall I know I'm incredibly blessed and I try not to take anything for granted. I feel like I have a choice: either fall into a deep depression and dwell on the things I don't have, or look around at the blessings and use them as strength to get through this incredibly difficult chapter. My depression would be justified and I could just pretend everything is fine and tell people I'm fine and no one would question it. It's not a way I want to live though, as much as it seems to be the easier option. As hard as it is I want to try to rise above this challenge and continue to live and enjoy my life as we work through this stage. 

How?  It's not one big decision or gesture. I think the way to do it is to make a conscious effort at pro-happiness choices as they come up. Say yes to things. Try new stuff. Buy a treat. Take time to be silent and listen around you. Plan something to look forward to. Help someone. Stretch. I'm sure I can google more stuff if I run out of ideas. It's a mitzvah to be b'simcha and I now understand how much of an effort that is when you're not in the mood. I can't guarantee it will work but if it's up to me I've made the decision that I'd rather invest my time there than in depression.