- It's been a month since the miscarriage and my period was expected. Hormones everywhere.
- Being in the L&D ward for a family visit
- Seeing Mother's Day ads starting on fb
- A friend my age had her second baby earlier this year. This week her husband went to get a vasectomy. They're done and not shy about telling people.
- Being told it's not a good time to hold the baby. I get it, I really do. But to my overly-sensitive self at the time it felt like a slap in the face as a reminder that it's not my baby and that I don't have one to just hold and snuggle whenever I feel like it.
- Being frustrated at having to wait for results for
- DNA frag test
- Endocrinology lab blood work
- Pap smear
- Handyman estimate
- Losing patience at having to wait for specialist until fall. Feeling like we're stuck.
- Harping on old clinic's negligence at not doing their job better and wasting all that money. Getting an unexpected bill from them for multiple hundreds of dollars didn't help.
Overall I know I'm incredibly blessed and I try not to take anything for granted. I feel like I have a choice: either fall into a deep depression and dwell on the things I don't have, or look around at the blessings and use them as strength to get through this incredibly difficult chapter. My depression would be justified and I could just pretend everything is fine and tell people I'm fine and no one would question it. It's not a way I want to live though, as much as it seems to be the easier option. As hard as it is I want to try to rise above this challenge and continue to live and enjoy my life as we work through this stage.
How? It's not one big decision or gesture. I think the way to do it is to make a conscious effort at pro-happiness choices as they come up. Say yes to things. Try new stuff. Buy a treat. Take time to be silent and listen around you. Plan something to look forward to. Help someone. Stretch. I'm sure I can google more stuff if I run out of ideas. It's a mitzvah to be b'simcha and I now understand how much of an effort that is when you're not in the mood. I can't guarantee it will work but if it's up to me I've made the decision that I'd rather invest my time there than in depression.