Back today for more monitoring. I overslept this morning. I couldn't get out of bed when my alarm rang and then dozed off, resulting in a half hour delay to the start of my morning. Worked out fine because when I got in, there were only three people ahead of me instead of the usual 10+ and even though I got in at 8, I still got seen at 8:20 like I have the past two times getting there an hour earlier.
Bloodwork and ultrasound were fine. Follicles are now measuring in the 12s. They told me to make sure to have enough meds to get me through the weekend. Retrieval might be Wednesday or Thursday.
My blood pressure is much better. The headaches are slowly receding. I feel the intensity lessen every day. On Thursday I called my PCP, who is back from vacation, to ask if I need to come in for the headaches. She said that it takes time for the medication to address that symptom, even if the bp readings have stabilized. I could take something for it, like Tylenol, but wanted to make sure it wasn't something more. I'm glad that was a quick phone call instead of another appointment. I don't even care if I sound like a crazy person calling the doctor for every little thing. I'm paying for insurance premiums, this is what it's there for.
I'm 14 lbs down from the start of the summer. Still a while to get to my goal. I hope to lose another six before I get the glucose/insulin testing done again for the specialist. It's an arbitrary number but it would make for a nice round figure lost during the summer. I know the retrieval will throw a monkey wrench in this plan because I tend to crave comfort food after surgery and my will power is shot, plus the bloating and fluid retention don't help. I'll have to meal prep healthy food in advance so we don't rely on takeout.
I had to run to the specialty pharmacy for the third time this cycle to restock meds. I was trying to only take as much as I needed without going over because they're so effing expensive. But it's running me ragged. There's no delivery option and it's a 20 min drive in each direction. I know it's not a lot in theory but it's proven to be a challenge. Even more of a challenge: finding a quarter to pay the meter to park near the pharmacy. Who carries quarters anymore? It's likely that it only seems like a big deal because I've been so tired and dealing with a non-stop headache going on for a month now which sap all the energy from me.
I've been having bad dreams the past few days. Most of the time it's around 5 am and when I'm up, I'm up. It's not helping the fatigue. I think it's a symptom of all the meds. Or maybe I need to cool it with the murder mysteries on Netflix.
During my month-long quest to figure out the cause of my headache I asked my endocrinologist if I could come in to get my TSH checked to see if the dose needs to be tweaked. I went in over two weeks ago and bloodwork isn't back yet. I think they lost it. I don't love the location and I'm not wowed by the doctor - she didn't come recommended, just picked her out of an insurance list. Not sure who I'd go to instead, and now that TSH is basically under control with only 6 month follow ups, is there really a reason to switch.
Showing posts with label bloodwork. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bloodwork. Show all posts
Friday, August 17, 2018
Monday, August 13, 2018
IVF 8: CD6
Back today for more bloodwork and ultrasound. They found a few 8s and 6s on the left; a few on the right too small to count. They're a lot more conservative with the meds in this clinic, even knowing that I was on bc pills which are known to suppress the ovaries.
Speaking of bc pills, I've had adventures with my blood pressure. I've been monitoring it for a few weeks now, ever since the headaches started. It was slightly high but nothing crazy, like 130s over 80s. I know that bc can cause elevated blood pressure in some people who are sensitive to estrogen. I had that a few years back. But over the weekend, my pressure spiked to 150s over 100s. Then it just stayed there. It also came with a headache which really concerned me. I spent Sunday in bed, trying not to aggravate it lest it become a full-blown migraine. I took tylenol at some point which made it bearable. All day I kept taking my bp and even after lying down for a while it was still high. I have an appointment with my PCP to follow up about blood pressure but I wasn't sure I should wait that long. Eventually it freaked me out enough to go to urgent care.
The first reading they got was 175/92. If I wasn't already at urgent care that would have set me in a panic. They retook it again a few min later and it was back to the 150s I'd been getting all day. I'm not in denial but I think the first cuff they used was for kids. In any case, the doctor there wasn't as concerned about my 150s but he took blood and urine to make sure kidneys aren't malfunctioning. He said that if it spikes to 180s or above to go to the emergency room, not even urgent care because they wouldn't be able to deal with that.
This morning I called my PCP and asked for a sooner appointment even though I know my doc is away on vacation. I didn't want to leave this untreated, especially because of the headaches but also because it's freaking me out. When I came in the doc there also wasn't alarmed at the 150s but looking back at my history and seeing the repeated elevated levels, he recommended starting medication to help lower it. He said to keep my appointment with my own doctor for next week but in the meantime he gave me a prescription that needs to be taken every 12 hours. Hooray, another pill.
I was very resistant to going on bp meds as a preventive measure. It felt like a personal goal to try to control it with diet and exercise. But at this point my ego is shoved aside as panic mode sets in and I'm freaked out enough that I'll take whatever medicine they tell me to get things back in order. I don't want to fear the veins in my head are going to pop, or that every twinge out of place is an impending heart attack. I have enough stress with the cycle that I don't need those fears lurking behind high bp. All that aside, I need to make sure this is under control before even considering a transfer.
I confirmed with my RE that there's no adverse reaction to adding bp medicine to the mix. And I confirmed with the PCP office that whatever medication he gives me is safe for pregnancy so that I don't have to deal with switching it and finding a new dose once we're ready for a transfer.
Other than a blip over the weekend I've been doing well on my diet. I don't know if that's a contributing factor to the elevated bp, but even now 48 hours later I doubt that food is still in my system yet my bp was still high. I'm down 12 lbs from the start of the summer. I cut out most sugar/flour at the suggestion of the specialist to try to get insulin under their preferred numbers; and now I've cut out most salt and sodium as well. My daily food consists of a lot of colors and while it's not fabulous, I'm not hungry and I'm not bored.
I'm concerned about retesting my glucose and insulin in the fall and being told that everything I did wasn't enough and that I'll have to add metformin to the mix. I will if I have to, but I was really hoping I wouldn't have to. Another ego thing, plus I hate taking all this medication.
At monitoring this morning there were a lot of couples. I don't remember seeing so many at the last clinic. I'm still working on a post comparing the two. Every time I list the crap the old clinic did I get angry and put the list away for another time. I don't actively trash-talk them but if someone asks about my experience, like on the fb support group, I'll share my thoughts in private.
Speaking of bc pills, I've had adventures with my blood pressure. I've been monitoring it for a few weeks now, ever since the headaches started. It was slightly high but nothing crazy, like 130s over 80s. I know that bc can cause elevated blood pressure in some people who are sensitive to estrogen. I had that a few years back. But over the weekend, my pressure spiked to 150s over 100s. Then it just stayed there. It also came with a headache which really concerned me. I spent Sunday in bed, trying not to aggravate it lest it become a full-blown migraine. I took tylenol at some point which made it bearable. All day I kept taking my bp and even after lying down for a while it was still high. I have an appointment with my PCP to follow up about blood pressure but I wasn't sure I should wait that long. Eventually it freaked me out enough to go to urgent care.
The first reading they got was 175/92. If I wasn't already at urgent care that would have set me in a panic. They retook it again a few min later and it was back to the 150s I'd been getting all day. I'm not in denial but I think the first cuff they used was for kids. In any case, the doctor there wasn't as concerned about my 150s but he took blood and urine to make sure kidneys aren't malfunctioning. He said that if it spikes to 180s or above to go to the emergency room, not even urgent care because they wouldn't be able to deal with that.
This morning I called my PCP and asked for a sooner appointment even though I know my doc is away on vacation. I didn't want to leave this untreated, especially because of the headaches but also because it's freaking me out. When I came in the doc there also wasn't alarmed at the 150s but looking back at my history and seeing the repeated elevated levels, he recommended starting medication to help lower it. He said to keep my appointment with my own doctor for next week but in the meantime he gave me a prescription that needs to be taken every 12 hours. Hooray, another pill.
I was very resistant to going on bp meds as a preventive measure. It felt like a personal goal to try to control it with diet and exercise. But at this point my ego is shoved aside as panic mode sets in and I'm freaked out enough that I'll take whatever medicine they tell me to get things back in order. I don't want to fear the veins in my head are going to pop, or that every twinge out of place is an impending heart attack. I have enough stress with the cycle that I don't need those fears lurking behind high bp. All that aside, I need to make sure this is under control before even considering a transfer.
I confirmed with my RE that there's no adverse reaction to adding bp medicine to the mix. And I confirmed with the PCP office that whatever medication he gives me is safe for pregnancy so that I don't have to deal with switching it and finding a new dose once we're ready for a transfer.
Other than a blip over the weekend I've been doing well on my diet. I don't know if that's a contributing factor to the elevated bp, but even now 48 hours later I doubt that food is still in my system yet my bp was still high. I'm down 12 lbs from the start of the summer. I cut out most sugar/flour at the suggestion of the specialist to try to get insulin under their preferred numbers; and now I've cut out most salt and sodium as well. My daily food consists of a lot of colors and while it's not fabulous, I'm not hungry and I'm not bored.
I'm concerned about retesting my glucose and insulin in the fall and being told that everything I did wasn't enough and that I'll have to add metformin to the mix. I will if I have to, but I was really hoping I wouldn't have to. Another ego thing, plus I hate taking all this medication.
At monitoring this morning there were a lot of couples. I don't remember seeing so many at the last clinic. I'm still working on a post comparing the two. Every time I list the crap the old clinic did I get angry and put the list away for another time. I don't actively trash-talk them but if someone asks about my experience, like on the fb support group, I'll share my thoughts in private.
Thursday, August 9, 2018
IVF 8: CD2 - Baseline
I went in for bloodwork and ultrasound this morning. All told it took an hour and 45 min. I know there's a better way, I just need to learn the system. When I have time, I plan to write a list of all the differences I've found so far between the old clinic and new clinic.
There were a lot of stories from this morning but I don't have patience to write them out. It had to do with the resident doctors, the fact that the labwork is on the first floor of the building and ultrasound is on the third, and just in general things being run differently. Also it was weird and uncomfortable to have an ultrasound on my heaviest bleed day.
One story I will mention: as I left the ultrasound room rushing to make sure to get to bloodwork before the morning cutoff time, I saw my doctor who greeted me warmly and mentioned offhandedly, "Hey, did you know your records indicate you're not immune to Rubella?" I had this issue before and had to get the MMR vaccine in 2015. I told my doctor I can resend the immunization report. She said in the meantime she'll add the rubella to my bloodwork to verify whether or not I'm actually immune. Spoiler alert: report is back and I am.
Bloodwork results came back and I got a call around 11:30 - good to start. I started shots this evening and we're off!
There were a lot of stories from this morning but I don't have patience to write them out. It had to do with the resident doctors, the fact that the labwork is on the first floor of the building and ultrasound is on the third, and just in general things being run differently. Also it was weird and uncomfortable to have an ultrasound on my heaviest bleed day.
One story I will mention: as I left the ultrasound room rushing to make sure to get to bloodwork before the morning cutoff time, I saw my doctor who greeted me warmly and mentioned offhandedly, "Hey, did you know your records indicate you're not immune to Rubella?" I had this issue before and had to get the MMR vaccine in 2015. I told my doctor I can resend the immunization report. She said in the meantime she'll add the rubella to my bloodwork to verify whether or not I'm actually immune. Spoiler alert: report is back and I am.
Bloodwork results came back and I got a call around 11:30 - good to start. I started shots this evening and we're off!
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
Insulin
I got a call from the nurse at the RPL specialist's office to go over the results from the bloodwork I took last week. They tested for a bunch of stuff (9 vials of blood) and almost everything came back fine, including glucose, except insulin. She went over the numbers - they like seeing the 2 hr insulin under 40 and mine was just under 60. In my mind that's not atrocious but I really don't know anything about it. Apparently high insulin levels are toxic to a developing fetus. She offered two solutions: lifestyle change or medication.
Lifestyle change:
Lifestyle change:
- Low-carb, low-sugar, high vegetable diet. Lean meats. Whole grains. Limited fruit.
- Exercise at least 30 min a day (if not there yet, work on getting there)
- Lose weight
I think if I do the first two, weight loss is inevitable.
Medication:
- Metformin
Now I understand message boards full of ladies talking about PCOS and pre-diabetes taking metformin and suddenly having successful pregnancies. It's not only to control sugar but it also takes care of insulin as a happy side effect without anyone actually realizing. Another simple blood test they can take at the beginning of fertility treatment to get information before waiting for a loss to occur.
I asked the nurse if I was pre-diabetic and the answer wasn't clear. I understood her answer to say that I'm pre-pre-diabetic. In other words, if left untreated and things continue to deteriorate then I may become pre-diabetic and then eventually develop diabetes.
I opted to try the lifestyle change first. I'd much rather eat healthier and exercise (something I should be doing anyway) rather than take more medication that comes with its own slew of side effects. I also want to address the issue instead of putting a bandaid on it. I always knew I could do better with diet and exercise but it's disturbing to hear that a blood test confirmed I'm failing at taking care of myself. Maybe it's not what the results say but that's what it feels like.
Google isn't helping at all. Results all link insulin issues with high glucose and pcos but I don't have either issue. For the record, I also never drink anything nearly remotely similar to the vile drink they gave me so how accurate is that test anyway. I eat plenty of crap and I know that's a defensive excuse, but it still feels counterproductive. They should have me bring a regular breakfast that I'd normally eat.
I may contact a nutritionist for some clarification. I'm not planning to "cheat" but I want to understand what happens when I'm not on top of my food 100% of the time. Such as, if I go on an appropriate diet and then go out for a celebration dinner - will that kill a developing fetus? If I eat well, exercise, and possibly lose weight but my insulin levels still test high would that mean I still have to continue that diet AND go on metformin?
The nurse said they generally don't retest but I requested having another test in a few months, before we do a transfer. Just so that we know. I think it's important to have all the information before risking an embryo.
So... more things to make this summer interesting. Egg white omelettes, here I come.
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Latest happenings
It's been busy at work and I haven't had much time to think or process. Now that things are slowing down for the season, I wanted to update on what's been happening.
On Sunday I took advantage of my lab being open and knocked out the glucose/insulin test that the specialist recommended. It's a smallish lab -- only about 20 seats in the waiting room -- and they're only open until 11 am, so knowing I had at least a 2 hr wait, I had to make sure to be there early. I thought it would be a slow day, but the place was hopping the entire time I was there. I signed in and it took almost 30 min before they got me checked in and did the first blood draw. Then I had the gross drink and waited an hour for the second blood draw. At the two hour mark they took final blood. While I was waiting I was totally a backseat driver in the waiting room: telling people where to check in, showing them where they are in the queue on the screen, getting someone who had stepped out for a cig that it was their turn. At one point I overheard a clueless guy tell the receptionist that his doctor at [old clinic] didn't give him a lap slip so I helpfully suggested emailing his nurse. I was helpful all over the place. I hope results come back soon and that they're all normal. In the meantime have a beautiful purple-yellow bruise to remember my time there.
After bloodwork I went to get my nails done - it's been a while and I had a work event the next day. I went with a pale pink on my hands (business) and smokey red on toes (party).
I also had my follow up appointment with my endocrinologist. My TSH has finally reached normal levels: 1.24. Hooray! That means I don't have to keep coming back every 4-6 weeks to check levels. Now we're at 6 months checkups. She got the latest about what's happening fertility-wise and told me to keep her posted if my RE takes any labs that include thyroid, and when the next transfer is in case I get pregnant and the meds need to be adjusted as well.
I sent over the images from my hysteroscopy to the specialist and he said he couldn't see what he needed and recommended a repeat. So I need to schedule that for sometime in the next few days.
A few weeks ago I noticed a new trick my body likes to do which is make my heart race. At one point it scared me so much I went to urgent care and they got an EKG. My heart was beating at 100 bpm and my blood pressure was elevated but other than that they couldn't see anything wrong. EKG came back normal. Physical came back normal. I wasn't out of breath and didn't have pain anywhere. It was the Friday before a 3 day yom tov and right before my husband's surgery so they diagnosed it as anxiety. Maybe it was. It hasn't gotten as bad since but I have noticed the racing every so often, weirdly when I'm at rest. It never lasts more than a min or two and then I forget about it. I take my pulse often now to see where it's at, which is usually somewhere in the 70s. Every so often I'll feel it go back hovering around the 90s when I'm at rest. At urgent care they said as long as it doesn't go above 100 or 110 then it's not a big deal, especially since they couldn't find anything wrong. I mentioned it to the endocrinologist who said that it's not a side effect of the thyroid meds or any of the meds I'm taking. But she did say to look out for shortness of breath combined with leg pain, which is a sign of the bc pills causing clots, and (rarely) causing clots in the lungs which makes getting oxygen to the heart an issue. She did say that if it persists or episodes get longer that I should go back to the cardiologist. Maybe I'll do that anyway. I don't want to keep being the kid who calls wolf but I'd rather look dumb than have an issue, especially with a potential pregnancy on the line.
My husband sent me a picture of a bug he found in the kitchen and I panicked and called the exterminator for a full workup against roaches, mice, and all pests. I googled roaches and the internet said if there's one there's likely hundreds more. Ewww. The guy took a look at the bug and said it was a beetle, not a roach. He searched the house and found not much more than a few spiders in the basement and couple of ants outside.
The weather has been unseasonably frustrating with lots of fog, rain, and humidity. There are mild patches of sun when we remember that oh yeah it's summer. At some point our roof started leaking. We called the roofer and got an estimate for a repair ($800) or replacement ($8000). So far we're putting out bowls when it rains and hoping that before we need to make a decision it will either repair itself or get so bad that insurance needs to get involved.
Another summer project I want to take care of, other than ttc, is decluttering. Every year I say I want to go minimal and I think this year I want to make it real. There are drawers of stuff that we don't need; closets of stuff we're storing and never look at; a storage area full of things we never touch. Why should they collect dust, and apparently spiders, when someone else can make use of it? If we don't use it on a regular basis, or at all, it needs to go. If I only manage to make a small dent in what needs to be gotten rid of, it's still a win. The ultimate goal is to feel like if we were to move tomorrow, I'd have nothing that I need to throw out. I'm still unsure what to do about thinks I know I'll never use again but am unsure about giving away, like my wedding dress. I guess I can start with the non-sentimental stuff and work from there.
Summer is upon us and I want to take advantage of the longer daylight hours. I want to get into a routine that includes better workout schedule and better food planning. I know it's just a matter of starting and I'm mentally motivated but need to get my butt in gear. My husband is on board to join in so that can be a big help if we do it together. Let's start with 10 lbs. I decided I'd get myself a present at the end of the summer if I'm successful. Maybe a bosch mixer or a new hairstyle.
Our 11 year anniversary is coming up. My husband's birthday is also coming up. This past week we sponsored kiddush in memory of our grandmothers, who happened to have the same birthday and died within a year of each other.
Happy summer :)
On Sunday I took advantage of my lab being open and knocked out the glucose/insulin test that the specialist recommended. It's a smallish lab -- only about 20 seats in the waiting room -- and they're only open until 11 am, so knowing I had at least a 2 hr wait, I had to make sure to be there early. I thought it would be a slow day, but the place was hopping the entire time I was there. I signed in and it took almost 30 min before they got me checked in and did the first blood draw. Then I had the gross drink and waited an hour for the second blood draw. At the two hour mark they took final blood. While I was waiting I was totally a backseat driver in the waiting room: telling people where to check in, showing them where they are in the queue on the screen, getting someone who had stepped out for a cig that it was their turn. At one point I overheard a clueless guy tell the receptionist that his doctor at [old clinic] didn't give him a lap slip so I helpfully suggested emailing his nurse. I was helpful all over the place. I hope results come back soon and that they're all normal. In the meantime have a beautiful purple-yellow bruise to remember my time there.
After bloodwork I went to get my nails done - it's been a while and I had a work event the next day. I went with a pale pink on my hands (business) and smokey red on toes (party).
I also had my follow up appointment with my endocrinologist. My TSH has finally reached normal levels: 1.24. Hooray! That means I don't have to keep coming back every 4-6 weeks to check levels. Now we're at 6 months checkups. She got the latest about what's happening fertility-wise and told me to keep her posted if my RE takes any labs that include thyroid, and when the next transfer is in case I get pregnant and the meds need to be adjusted as well.
I sent over the images from my hysteroscopy to the specialist and he said he couldn't see what he needed and recommended a repeat. So I need to schedule that for sometime in the next few days.
A few weeks ago I noticed a new trick my body likes to do which is make my heart race. At one point it scared me so much I went to urgent care and they got an EKG. My heart was beating at 100 bpm and my blood pressure was elevated but other than that they couldn't see anything wrong. EKG came back normal. Physical came back normal. I wasn't out of breath and didn't have pain anywhere. It was the Friday before a 3 day yom tov and right before my husband's surgery so they diagnosed it as anxiety. Maybe it was. It hasn't gotten as bad since but I have noticed the racing every so often, weirdly when I'm at rest. It never lasts more than a min or two and then I forget about it. I take my pulse often now to see where it's at, which is usually somewhere in the 70s. Every so often I'll feel it go back hovering around the 90s when I'm at rest. At urgent care they said as long as it doesn't go above 100 or 110 then it's not a big deal, especially since they couldn't find anything wrong. I mentioned it to the endocrinologist who said that it's not a side effect of the thyroid meds or any of the meds I'm taking. But she did say to look out for shortness of breath combined with leg pain, which is a sign of the bc pills causing clots, and (rarely) causing clots in the lungs which makes getting oxygen to the heart an issue. She did say that if it persists or episodes get longer that I should go back to the cardiologist. Maybe I'll do that anyway. I don't want to keep being the kid who calls wolf but I'd rather look dumb than have an issue, especially with a potential pregnancy on the line.
My husband sent me a picture of a bug he found in the kitchen and I panicked and called the exterminator for a full workup against roaches, mice, and all pests. I googled roaches and the internet said if there's one there's likely hundreds more. Ewww. The guy took a look at the bug and said it was a beetle, not a roach. He searched the house and found not much more than a few spiders in the basement and couple of ants outside.
The weather has been unseasonably frustrating with lots of fog, rain, and humidity. There are mild patches of sun when we remember that oh yeah it's summer. At some point our roof started leaking. We called the roofer and got an estimate for a repair ($800) or replacement ($8000). So far we're putting out bowls when it rains and hoping that before we need to make a decision it will either repair itself or get so bad that insurance needs to get involved.
Another summer project I want to take care of, other than ttc, is decluttering. Every year I say I want to go minimal and I think this year I want to make it real. There are drawers of stuff that we don't need; closets of stuff we're storing and never look at; a storage area full of things we never touch. Why should they collect dust, and apparently spiders, when someone else can make use of it? If we don't use it on a regular basis, or at all, it needs to go. If I only manage to make a small dent in what needs to be gotten rid of, it's still a win. The ultimate goal is to feel like if we were to move tomorrow, I'd have nothing that I need to throw out. I'm still unsure what to do about thinks I know I'll never use again but am unsure about giving away, like my wedding dress. I guess I can start with the non-sentimental stuff and work from there.
Summer is upon us and I want to take advantage of the longer daylight hours. I want to get into a routine that includes better workout schedule and better food planning. I know it's just a matter of starting and I'm mentally motivated but need to get my butt in gear. My husband is on board to join in so that can be a big help if we do it together. Let's start with 10 lbs. I decided I'd get myself a present at the end of the summer if I'm successful. Maybe a bosch mixer or a new hairstyle.
Our 11 year anniversary is coming up. My husband's birthday is also coming up. This past week we sponsored kiddush in memory of our grandmothers, who happened to have the same birthday and died within a year of each other.
Happy summer :)
Sunday, March 18, 2018
FET 6: Lining check (2/16/18)
This post was originally written on the date in the subject line. All posts for FET 6 were saved as drafts and posted together as a series on one day. Read more here.
On Friday I went in for the lining check. In many ways the FET protocol is so much easier than IVF. Less appointments, less medication, less of a roller-coaster regarding emotions and hormones. In general just a lot less anxiety overall. The FET protocol has four appointments:
- Baseline
- Lining check
- Transfer
- Beta
The whole thing is a month to five weeks from start to finish. There are two weeks between baseline and lining check, then a week after that is the transfer. The 2ww varies by clinic and some people wait as few as 8 days before getting their beta. My clinic is pretty set on a full actual two weeks so we wait thirteen days before beta. Sometime I want to wait more... just hold on to hope for a little longer. I never do because if it didn't work then waiting just means unnecessary butt shots of PIO for no reason. But I digress; back to lining check.
Friday morning was the first day off work for the long president's day weekend but I couldn't sleep late because I had an early appointment. I got to the clinic and there wasn't much activity going on so I assumed I'd be seen quickly. I made sure to drink a lot that morning to try and avoid any blood draw issues. The tech who called me back looked tense and worried, very different from her usual chipper self. It was also a tech that's usually in the lab drawing blood but sometimes they rotate so it didn't seem so out of place. I was concerned there was something wrong with my file or protocol but she just said they're going to do the ultrasound first and left the room. The ultrasound tech came in, checked the lining. Anything above 8 is good. Sometimes my uterus likes to be an overachiever and have 12s but anything above 8 is "excellent."
For comparison, my lining at previous Lining Check appointments:
FET 5: 10.37 mm
FET 4: 8.69 mm
ERA I: 11.70 mm
ERA II: 9 mm
FET 3: 10 mm
I didn't keep records for FET 1 and 2.
After that I went back to the waiting room to wait for bloodwork. I had just enough time to text my husband an update before getting called back. New person. Uh oh. I told myself I'll give her a chance before asking for the other tech who is more experienced with my vein.
She was very chatty and while I don't normally engage, this time it was interesting. She asked if I had a long wait time and I said not really. She said they had a girl almost pass out in the chair when the other tech drew her blood. I said that doesn't bode well for the duration of her stay at a fertility clinic. Good luck to her. It explained the worried look on the other tech's face when she called me back for the ultrasound. While we were chatting she was checking and rechecking my vein. She apologized for "being OCD" but I said I'd rather you check it a hundred times and only stick me once. I told her I drank a lot of water but that it's a tricky vein and not to feel bad if she doesn't get it. See what I did there? Setting the stage for calling in the cavalry because I'm too chicken to hurt her feelings even at the expense of my pincushion arm. She got it on the first draw. We all cheered. All told it was a quick appointment, 35 min total.
I got the call from my nurse later that afternoon. Lining is at 8.7 mm and E2 518 with low progesterone. Good to start PIOs, but with very specific instructions.
My nurse got detailed directions from the lab who said that they timed the ERA II results based on when I took the first shot that cycle and when the biopsy was. This was to calculate an even "more precise" transfer window. She gave me instructions that the first PIO shot had to be at 9:30 PM exactly on Sat night but the subsequent shots can be more flexible as long as they're within up to 24 hours of each other. Weird. But at the same time, I'll accept any supposed advantage I can get. I had plans to meet with a friend on Sat night. I didn't want to cancel but at the same time I had this PIO shot stuck in the middle of the evening. Turned out there was bad weather and no one felt like going out in the snow and ice so we rescheduled. My husband is a pro already and we did the shot on schedule without incident.
For the very first time, I organized the meds and all accompanying paraphernalia in a little basket. It's easier than having to haul out the big box it came in where I hid it in the closet like I've been doing for every single past cycle. This is so much better! I think I didn't want to do it previously because I didn't want it to become part of the "normal" landscape of my room but it so is and nothing I tuck away in the closet will hide that fact.
I had so much anxiety leading up to this week but right now I'm just super chill. I wasn't even worried about the lining check or bloodwork. I'm very much in the "if it's meant to happen, it will happen how it's supposed to" camp these days. The only thing I'm a little bit concerned about is that our transfer is scheduled for a Friday and we have guests coming for dinner that night. We scheduled it months ago based on their work schedule and babysitter availability (they're coming without kids). They're not the type to cancel unless one of their kids is sick... and even then probably not. I'm planning to make everything in advance and just chill and relax but I know myself and I know I'm going to want to be up and about taking care of serving stuff and clearing up, etc. I could cancel but I think it would be nice to hang out with friends and laugh and chill instead of anxiously channeling my inner couch potato worrying about every twinge.
T minus 5 days!
On Friday I went in for the lining check. In many ways the FET protocol is so much easier than IVF. Less appointments, less medication, less of a roller-coaster regarding emotions and hormones. In general just a lot less anxiety overall. The FET protocol has four appointments:
- Baseline
- Lining check
- Transfer
- Beta
The whole thing is a month to five weeks from start to finish. There are two weeks between baseline and lining check, then a week after that is the transfer. The 2ww varies by clinic and some people wait as few as 8 days before getting their beta. My clinic is pretty set on a full actual two weeks so we wait thirteen days before beta. Sometime I want to wait more... just hold on to hope for a little longer. I never do because if it didn't work then waiting just means unnecessary butt shots of PIO for no reason. But I digress; back to lining check.
Friday morning was the first day off work for the long president's day weekend but I couldn't sleep late because I had an early appointment. I got to the clinic and there wasn't much activity going on so I assumed I'd be seen quickly. I made sure to drink a lot that morning to try and avoid any blood draw issues. The tech who called me back looked tense and worried, very different from her usual chipper self. It was also a tech that's usually in the lab drawing blood but sometimes they rotate so it didn't seem so out of place. I was concerned there was something wrong with my file or protocol but she just said they're going to do the ultrasound first and left the room. The ultrasound tech came in, checked the lining. Anything above 8 is good. Sometimes my uterus likes to be an overachiever and have 12s but anything above 8 is "excellent."
For comparison, my lining at previous Lining Check appointments:
FET 5: 10.37 mm
FET 4: 8.69 mm
ERA I: 11.70 mm
ERA II: 9 mm
FET 3: 10 mm
I didn't keep records for FET 1 and 2.
After that I went back to the waiting room to wait for bloodwork. I had just enough time to text my husband an update before getting called back. New person. Uh oh. I told myself I'll give her a chance before asking for the other tech who is more experienced with my vein.
She was very chatty and while I don't normally engage, this time it was interesting. She asked if I had a long wait time and I said not really. She said they had a girl almost pass out in the chair when the other tech drew her blood. I said that doesn't bode well for the duration of her stay at a fertility clinic. Good luck to her. It explained the worried look on the other tech's face when she called me back for the ultrasound. While we were chatting she was checking and rechecking my vein. She apologized for "being OCD" but I said I'd rather you check it a hundred times and only stick me once. I told her I drank a lot of water but that it's a tricky vein and not to feel bad if she doesn't get it. See what I did there? Setting the stage for calling in the cavalry because I'm too chicken to hurt her feelings even at the expense of my pincushion arm. She got it on the first draw. We all cheered. All told it was a quick appointment, 35 min total.
I got the call from my nurse later that afternoon. Lining is at 8.7 mm and E2 518 with low progesterone. Good to start PIOs, but with very specific instructions.
My nurse got detailed directions from the lab who said that they timed the ERA II results based on when I took the first shot that cycle and when the biopsy was. This was to calculate an even "more precise" transfer window. She gave me instructions that the first PIO shot had to be at 9:30 PM exactly on Sat night but the subsequent shots can be more flexible as long as they're within up to 24 hours of each other. Weird. But at the same time, I'll accept any supposed advantage I can get. I had plans to meet with a friend on Sat night. I didn't want to cancel but at the same time I had this PIO shot stuck in the middle of the evening. Turned out there was bad weather and no one felt like going out in the snow and ice so we rescheduled. My husband is a pro already and we did the shot on schedule without incident.
For the very first time, I organized the meds and all accompanying paraphernalia in a little basket. It's easier than having to haul out the big box it came in where I hid it in the closet like I've been doing for every single past cycle. This is so much better! I think I didn't want to do it previously because I didn't want it to become part of the "normal" landscape of my room but it so is and nothing I tuck away in the closet will hide that fact.
I had so much anxiety leading up to this week but right now I'm just super chill. I wasn't even worried about the lining check or bloodwork. I'm very much in the "if it's meant to happen, it will happen how it's supposed to" camp these days. The only thing I'm a little bit concerned about is that our transfer is scheduled for a Friday and we have guests coming for dinner that night. We scheduled it months ago based on their work schedule and babysitter availability (they're coming without kids). They're not the type to cancel unless one of their kids is sick... and even then probably not. I'm planning to make everything in advance and just chill and relax but I know myself and I know I'm going to want to be up and about taking care of serving stuff and clearing up, etc. I could cancel but I think it would be nice to hang out with friends and laugh and chill instead of anxiously channeling my inner couch potato worrying about every twinge.
T minus 5 days!
FET 6: Baseline (2/2/2018)
This post was originally written on the date in the subject line. All posts for FET 6 were saved as drafts and posted together as a series on one day. Read more here.
Traffic was light. I wore my weighing in outfit. I purposely have the same outfit on not only because it's the least amount of fabric I can get away with in public for weighing in but also because I like comparing apples to apples between baseline appointments, and that morning my apples were quite chilly. Not the best outfit for windy weather.
I discovered a double edged sword to my baseline appointments. I want to control my weight so I don't drink before. But then I'm dehydrated and they can't get blood. They got my weight, all fine. Then tried for blood which started but then stopped. So I suggested instead of poking another two or three times and then ultimately going to my hand, which is really painful, how about I drink and do the ultrasound, and then come back for blood. That helped, plus they got a different person. I appreciate when the techs are experienced and mature enough to know when to tag out.
When I went for the ultrasound the tech saw something. Not that she let anything on but I already know her and I could tell. She started asking questions so I knew something is up. She asked who my doc is. She asked if I started spotting. She wished me good luck and left. As I was leaving the attending doc said to me that my lining is a bit thick at 14 mm and not truly at baseline. He said that he'll add a note for my doc to see when he checks my chart. So starting depends on the doctor's preference. The attending doctor apparently likes to wait for the lining to be "at baseline" before starting meds, whereas my doctor only needs to see the bloodwork at baseline in order to proceed and doesn't put too much stock in the ultrasound as long as there are no cysts or other issues, since they're planning to build up the lining anyway.
I got the call around noon that we're all clear to start and had the first deletrogen shot at night. We had a lovely low-key shabbat, since our guests declined due to having sick family members, and then went to a superbowl party on Sunday where we ate too much junk food./
Traffic was light. I wore my weighing in outfit. I purposely have the same outfit on not only because it's the least amount of fabric I can get away with in public for weighing in but also because I like comparing apples to apples between baseline appointments, and that morning my apples were quite chilly. Not the best outfit for windy weather.
I discovered a double edged sword to my baseline appointments. I want to control my weight so I don't drink before. But then I'm dehydrated and they can't get blood. They got my weight, all fine. Then tried for blood which started but then stopped. So I suggested instead of poking another two or three times and then ultimately going to my hand, which is really painful, how about I drink and do the ultrasound, and then come back for blood. That helped, plus they got a different person. I appreciate when the techs are experienced and mature enough to know when to tag out.
When I went for the ultrasound the tech saw something. Not that she let anything on but I already know her and I could tell. She started asking questions so I knew something is up. She asked who my doc is. She asked if I started spotting. She wished me good luck and left. As I was leaving the attending doc said to me that my lining is a bit thick at 14 mm and not truly at baseline. He said that he'll add a note for my doc to see when he checks my chart. So starting depends on the doctor's preference. The attending doctor apparently likes to wait for the lining to be "at baseline" before starting meds, whereas my doctor only needs to see the bloodwork at baseline in order to proceed and doesn't put too much stock in the ultrasound as long as there are no cysts or other issues, since they're planning to build up the lining anyway.
I got the call around noon that we're all clear to start and had the first deletrogen shot at night. We had a lovely low-key shabbat, since our guests declined due to having sick family members, and then went to a superbowl party on Sunday where we ate too much junk food./
Friday, August 25, 2017
IVF 6: Baseline
What a week!!! I had a mail-merge catastrophe at work where 94 letter templates needed to be edited in their entirety in two days. My whole office is out on vacation and I had an enormous and time-sensitive project to complete. I've been on an extremely limited diet in prep for baseline so I'm tired and hangry. And I didn't win the powerball lottery even though I bought two tickets. So ready for the weekend!
I went in for baseline this morning. It was ok and I'm working to process whether it was good or bad. Only one stick for blood: good. Pay out of pocket for a cycle: ouch. Ultrasound news: yikes.
It wasn't the ultrasound, per se, but the news the doctor shared during the appointment. My clinic has very strict bmi rules and apparently mine is too close to the limit. After our last loss in May I gained 12 lbs in addition to the 3 lbs of bloat I carried from the pregnancy. Looking back it was dumb to just let go but I was in no place to think about it at all under the cloud of grief. Once I got a grip, I was able to lose most of it but it's still not all gone. Would it be nice not to be so borderline? Sure. A lot of things would be nice, including the clinic not having such strict limits.
Technically speaking, I am under the limit and I am cleared to start. But I'm only under by 2.4 lbs. The concern is that the anesthesiologists at egg retrieval won't move forward if the bmi hits the max, which means that I only have a 2.4 lb cushion to work with. The doctor doesn't want me to be crushed if the cycle gets canceled if I go over, especially since some of it is beyond my control regarding bloat from the medication. For comparison, the other clinic we visited for a second opinion had a limit too, but it wasn't nearly as strict and I was 40 lbs away from it. Just saying.
It's up to us whether to risk it. If the cycle gets canceled before the retrieval we get an 85% refund from the clinic. The risk is that would be two weeks of hormones for nothing and of course there's no refund for the medication used, which was also paid for out of pocket.
The alternative is to wait to lose a few more lbs. The issue is that we're already on the border of the Jewish holidays which start 9/20. If we delay by a week I may lose 2 lbs but then retrieval will be really close to Rosh Hashanah, risking a holiday retrieval. So if we're delaying, it means delaying the entire cycle to after the holidays are done in October, which puts a retrieval at the start of November. I tried finagling the schedule to try to fit a cycle mid-holidays, but it's not possible. It's not just the egg retrieval day, it's also finding several consecutive days to go in for bloodwork every day and if I'm not driving because of the holidays there's just nothing that works. The only time it may work is risking a retrieval on yom kippur and that's just not an option. This is elective surgery and I can control the schedule - if I don't have to be in the hospital over the holidays I don't want to be there.
I'm on board to risk it. My husband wasn't so sure but eventually agreed. I prefer to go into it knowing there's a risk rather than waiting and doing nothing for two months. There's no chance I'll be able to maintain my strict diet over the holidays. There's also a chance that this cycle might be a complete bust and we'll have to do another cycle in October anyway - who knows!
I'll have to watch what I eat carefully for the next two weeks leading up to retrieval because excessive exercise is frowned upon when your ovaries are the size of tennis balls. It will be a hellish two weeks but then it will be behind us. And then I can celebrate with piles of Chinese food and doughnuts.
So... here we go. Shabbat shalom!
I went in for baseline this morning. It was ok and I'm working to process whether it was good or bad. Only one stick for blood: good. Pay out of pocket for a cycle: ouch. Ultrasound news: yikes.
It wasn't the ultrasound, per se, but the news the doctor shared during the appointment. My clinic has very strict bmi rules and apparently mine is too close to the limit. After our last loss in May I gained 12 lbs in addition to the 3 lbs of bloat I carried from the pregnancy. Looking back it was dumb to just let go but I was in no place to think about it at all under the cloud of grief. Once I got a grip, I was able to lose most of it but it's still not all gone. Would it be nice not to be so borderline? Sure. A lot of things would be nice, including the clinic not having such strict limits.
Technically speaking, I am under the limit and I am cleared to start. But I'm only under by 2.4 lbs. The concern is that the anesthesiologists at egg retrieval won't move forward if the bmi hits the max, which means that I only have a 2.4 lb cushion to work with. The doctor doesn't want me to be crushed if the cycle gets canceled if I go over, especially since some of it is beyond my control regarding bloat from the medication. For comparison, the other clinic we visited for a second opinion had a limit too, but it wasn't nearly as strict and I was 40 lbs away from it. Just saying.
It's up to us whether to risk it. If the cycle gets canceled before the retrieval we get an 85% refund from the clinic. The risk is that would be two weeks of hormones for nothing and of course there's no refund for the medication used, which was also paid for out of pocket.
The alternative is to wait to lose a few more lbs. The issue is that we're already on the border of the Jewish holidays which start 9/20. If we delay by a week I may lose 2 lbs but then retrieval will be really close to Rosh Hashanah, risking a holiday retrieval. So if we're delaying, it means delaying the entire cycle to after the holidays are done in October, which puts a retrieval at the start of November. I tried finagling the schedule to try to fit a cycle mid-holidays, but it's not possible. It's not just the egg retrieval day, it's also finding several consecutive days to go in for bloodwork every day and if I'm not driving because of the holidays there's just nothing that works. The only time it may work is risking a retrieval on yom kippur and that's just not an option. This is elective surgery and I can control the schedule - if I don't have to be in the hospital over the holidays I don't want to be there.
I'm on board to risk it. My husband wasn't so sure but eventually agreed. I prefer to go into it knowing there's a risk rather than waiting and doing nothing for two months. There's no chance I'll be able to maintain my strict diet over the holidays. There's also a chance that this cycle might be a complete bust and we'll have to do another cycle in October anyway - who knows!
I'll have to watch what I eat carefully for the next two weeks leading up to retrieval because excessive exercise is frowned upon when your ovaries are the size of tennis balls. It will be a hellish two weeks but then it will be behind us. And then I can celebrate with piles of Chinese food and doughnuts.
So... here we go. Shabbat shalom!
Friday, June 16, 2017
Not ok
This morning I had an appointment to get blood drawn so they can continue to monitor my hcg levels go down. I dreaded having to go back. I didn't want to deal with traffic or the parking lot. I didn't want to sit in the waiting room. I cringed at the thought of the smell of the clinic. It's not an unpleasant smell, it just brings a rush of memories every time.
But, feeling like I need to be a responsible adult, I went. I was 15 min late to my appointment but I didn't care. Whatever. I was only one of two in the waiting room so clearly they weren't swamped. Maybe everyone else got pregnant and moved on.
My second favorite tech J called me back. She can get blood most times. I figured it would be quick in and out so I can get to work on time. As she was getting prepped she asked how I'm doing. I appreciated that she cared to ask. I said I'm doing ok and averted my eyes so she couldn't see they misted over. She tried twice and got nothing. They called over my fav tech T who usually gets it on the first try. She tried twice and struck out. Four sticks in, I joked that maybe we should call over the front desk people to give it a try. Meanwhile I'm thinking this is is someone's idea of a terrible joke and how much I don't want to be here anymore.
They decided to escalate it to a nurse, and agreed among themselves to go get nurse K. It happens to be that nurse L was walking past and they flagged her down. She came over, chipper and chatty, hands on hips jokingly asking if I'm the "trouble maker." We've never met before. I saw on her lapel that her name tag says her title is Donor Nurse Coordinator. Interesting choice, universe. She settled in and started with small talk. Up until this point I felt proud of myself for keeping it together, especially whenever someone new walked up and asked me how I'm doing.
Nurse L then asked conversationally, "So what day stim are you on?" and for some reason that trigger just broke me down. I was heaving with sobs. I was shaking. I couldn't help it. It's been several hours and thinking back on it and typing it out still makes me tear up. She immediately realized her mistake. Between sobs I managed to get out that I had a D&C a few weeks ago. Tech J came rushing over with tissues and started to rub my arm. Nurse L kept saying she's so sorry. I wanted to tell her that it's not her fault but I was having trouble speaking. There's no way she could have known. There's no way I could have warned her that a simple question like that was a trigger for me because even I didn't know.
Trying to calm myself down I kept saying I'm ok so that she could continue to do what she needed to get blood. It took a minute for me to stop shaking enough for her to get the tourniquet on. I think I was trying to convince myself. But I'm not ok. I managed to calm down enough to answer her question: "I was on IVF cycle 5," I said. "I was 8 weeks pregnant when they couldn't find a heartbeat." I felt it was important for her to know why I broke down. I didn't want her to think it was her fault but I also felt it needed justification. I also needed to say it - I can't deny or avoid what happened. She was able to get blood with one stick - 5th time's a charm - on the back of my hand. When she was done she gave me a big hug and said again how sorry she is, almost crying herself. It was actually the first time in that clinic that I've ever felt some kind of emotion from a staff member, so while I'm slightly embarrassed it happened and a little sorry for ruining her morning, at least I left feeling like someone cares.
Last night I was debating if it was really necessary to find a therapist for me to talk through this with. Now I know it's not an issue of if but when. I'm clearly not over it. I may be moving on logically and physically, but I'm carrying around the emotional baggage on my sleeve and I need help moving on. I gotta get my head back in the game if we want to try again because as things stand now I am not ready at all. I had no idea it would be this hard to move on. I'm not quite sure what I'm holding on to. I'm hoping that with the start of my next period, essentially the last step of FET 5 and the first step of the next cycle simultaneously, I'll be able to officially close the door on this awful chapter.
Bloodwork results came in and my hcg levels are down to negative. Halleluja.
But, feeling like I need to be a responsible adult, I went. I was 15 min late to my appointment but I didn't care. Whatever. I was only one of two in the waiting room so clearly they weren't swamped. Maybe everyone else got pregnant and moved on.
My second favorite tech J called me back. She can get blood most times. I figured it would be quick in and out so I can get to work on time. As she was getting prepped she asked how I'm doing. I appreciated that she cared to ask. I said I'm doing ok and averted my eyes so she couldn't see they misted over. She tried twice and got nothing. They called over my fav tech T who usually gets it on the first try. She tried twice and struck out. Four sticks in, I joked that maybe we should call over the front desk people to give it a try. Meanwhile I'm thinking this is is someone's idea of a terrible joke and how much I don't want to be here anymore.
They decided to escalate it to a nurse, and agreed among themselves to go get nurse K. It happens to be that nurse L was walking past and they flagged her down. She came over, chipper and chatty, hands on hips jokingly asking if I'm the "trouble maker." We've never met before. I saw on her lapel that her name tag says her title is Donor Nurse Coordinator. Interesting choice, universe. She settled in and started with small talk. Up until this point I felt proud of myself for keeping it together, especially whenever someone new walked up and asked me how I'm doing.
Nurse L then asked conversationally, "So what day stim are you on?" and for some reason that trigger just broke me down. I was heaving with sobs. I was shaking. I couldn't help it. It's been several hours and thinking back on it and typing it out still makes me tear up. She immediately realized her mistake. Between sobs I managed to get out that I had a D&C a few weeks ago. Tech J came rushing over with tissues and started to rub my arm. Nurse L kept saying she's so sorry. I wanted to tell her that it's not her fault but I was having trouble speaking. There's no way she could have known. There's no way I could have warned her that a simple question like that was a trigger for me because even I didn't know.
Trying to calm myself down I kept saying I'm ok so that she could continue to do what she needed to get blood. It took a minute for me to stop shaking enough for her to get the tourniquet on. I think I was trying to convince myself. But I'm not ok. I managed to calm down enough to answer her question: "I was on IVF cycle 5," I said. "I was 8 weeks pregnant when they couldn't find a heartbeat." I felt it was important for her to know why I broke down. I didn't want her to think it was her fault but I also felt it needed justification. I also needed to say it - I can't deny or avoid what happened. She was able to get blood with one stick - 5th time's a charm - on the back of my hand. When she was done she gave me a big hug and said again how sorry she is, almost crying herself. It was actually the first time in that clinic that I've ever felt some kind of emotion from a staff member, so while I'm slightly embarrassed it happened and a little sorry for ruining her morning, at least I left feeling like someone cares.
Last night I was debating if it was really necessary to find a therapist for me to talk through this with. Now I know it's not an issue of if but when. I'm clearly not over it. I may be moving on logically and physically, but I'm carrying around the emotional baggage on my sleeve and I need help moving on. I gotta get my head back in the game if we want to try again because as things stand now I am not ready at all. I had no idea it would be this hard to move on. I'm not quite sure what I'm holding on to. I'm hoping that with the start of my next period, essentially the last step of FET 5 and the first step of the next cycle simultaneously, I'll be able to officially close the door on this awful chapter.
Bloodwork results came in and my hcg levels are down to negative. Halleluja.
Friday, March 24, 2017
FET 5: Baseline
It's a go!
Bloodwork took no less than three sticks. Once again I considered the ramifications of getting a tiny x tattoo right where the vein works. The first tech tried once and tagged out. Second tech felt around for what felt like an eternity before I suggested maybe I can drink some water, do the ultrasound first, and then come back. We did that and after two more sticks they were able to get blood. Jeez. Even with the delay in drawing I was out within 30 minutes, but I felt justified in giving the appointment its time instead of trying to cram it all stressfully yesterday morning.
So here we are. We've officially started FET 5.
Bloodwork took no less than three sticks. Once again I considered the ramifications of getting a tiny x tattoo right where the vein works. The first tech tried once and tagged out. Second tech felt around for what felt like an eternity before I suggested maybe I can drink some water, do the ultrasound first, and then come back. We did that and after two more sticks they were able to get blood. Jeez. Even with the delay in drawing I was out within 30 minutes, but I felt justified in giving the appointment its time instead of trying to cram it all stressfully yesterday morning.
So here we are. We've officially started FET 5.
Sunday, February 12, 2017
IVF 5: Day 9
Monitoring went surprisingly well this morning. There's usually a long wait time at weekend appointments since this is the clinic for the other branches that are closed over the weekend. I was prepared to hunker down for the long haul, but this morning they had adequate staff for the overflow of patients and things were moving smoothly.
My 7:45 AM appointment got called back for blood after a few minutes wait - only one stick. She was weekend staff and didn't know me but followed directions to the one vein and got it working immediately. I was back in the waiting room at 7:55 AM to wait for the ultrasound. I got called back and at 8:10 AM the ultrasound tech came in, followed a few min by the doctor in charge. There was a little hiccup when the inexperienced tech pushed a little too hard, and then again when switching from right to left ovary. I jumped at the pain and she apologized, but overall it was fine.
They measured the lining at 10.3 which is great but we're not doing a transfer so a little pointless. They counted the largest follicle at 13.5 so we're moving along, with 14 follicles counted. I've already learned that just because they retrieve a lot of eggs doesn't mean they're all going to become embryos. In the past I've had 11-12 mature eggs regardless of how many eggs were retrieved (max was 27 in cycle 4).
More importantly, I've been trying to figure out when trigger will be in case we have another Saturday retrieval. Based on info from the past cycles, retrieval will be either on day 13 or day 14 (I've had two of each), which puts retrieval at Saturday or Sunday.
I have enough Menopur to last through Monday. Even though I have refills at Freedom, I asked my nurse to call in the prescription at the local specialty pharmacy. Freedom is annoying to deal with and you can't send back returns. Blood work results came in this afternoon and I need to start the third shot tonight, cetrotide. That one burns but at least that means progress.
My husband and I had a conversation about goals. Apparently, there's a statistic that if you write down your goals, there's an 80% chance that you'll accomplish them. Only about 2% of people actually write down their goals. I don't know the source for those stats, they were presented at a meeting last week and sounded true. So we decided to write down our goals for the week. He has his and I have mine. Mine is to research itinerary and fun things to do in Boston for a possible trip in March. It's no Israel or Miami, but hopefully it will still be fun. If nothing else it will be a nice change of scenery and a new place to explore.
My 7:45 AM appointment got called back for blood after a few minutes wait - only one stick. She was weekend staff and didn't know me but followed directions to the one vein and got it working immediately. I was back in the waiting room at 7:55 AM to wait for the ultrasound. I got called back and at 8:10 AM the ultrasound tech came in, followed a few min by the doctor in charge. There was a little hiccup when the inexperienced tech pushed a little too hard, and then again when switching from right to left ovary. I jumped at the pain and she apologized, but overall it was fine.
They measured the lining at 10.3 which is great but we're not doing a transfer so a little pointless. They counted the largest follicle at 13.5 so we're moving along, with 14 follicles counted. I've already learned that just because they retrieve a lot of eggs doesn't mean they're all going to become embryos. In the past I've had 11-12 mature eggs regardless of how many eggs were retrieved (max was 27 in cycle 4).
More importantly, I've been trying to figure out when trigger will be in case we have another Saturday retrieval. Based on info from the past cycles, retrieval will be either on day 13 or day 14 (I've had two of each), which puts retrieval at Saturday or Sunday.
I have enough Menopur to last through Monday. Even though I have refills at Freedom, I asked my nurse to call in the prescription at the local specialty pharmacy. Freedom is annoying to deal with and you can't send back returns. Blood work results came in this afternoon and I need to start the third shot tonight, cetrotide. That one burns but at least that means progress.
My husband and I had a conversation about goals. Apparently, there's a statistic that if you write down your goals, there's an 80% chance that you'll accomplish them. Only about 2% of people actually write down their goals. I don't know the source for those stats, they were presented at a meeting last week and sounded true. So we decided to write down our goals for the week. He has his and I have mine. Mine is to research itinerary and fun things to do in Boston for a possible trip in March. It's no Israel or Miami, but hopefully it will still be fun. If nothing else it will be a nice change of scenery and a new place to explore.
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
IVF 5: Day 4
I had the first monitoring appointment this morning. I got there on time but there was still a bit of a wait. My appointment was for 7:45 AM and I was back in the car by 8:30 AM. Two sticks for blood. I kind of knew there would be an issue - there's a certain medical assistant who is very cautious and slow. I kept hoping I'd get the other person but of course I got the slow one and she couldn't feel any veins. She ended up tagging out when the first stick didn't work and letting the other person do it, so I only got stuck twice.
In the meantime while this was going on, I was moving up the queue for the ultrasound so as soon as I was done with blood work I had a pretty short wait for the ultrasound. They counted 8 on the right and 4 on the left. I didn't track this from previous cycles, and I don't remember what they counted at baseline, so I have nothing to compare it to. I already know not to get attached to any particular numbers. It can all change, so we'll see what happens.
I'm feeling ok. Slightly bloated, but I think it's because I've been lax on my good eating habit so I've started back on that and hopefully it will help.
I had a conversation at work today that I didn't like. Coworker A told me that coworker B thinks I'm mad at her. I'm not mad at coworker B, and I don't like that she thinks I am. I do I have a hard time talking to her. Every conversation with her gets usurped and she ends up talking about her kids. No matter what we're talking about, or who is talking, she makes a comment about or compares the situation to something with her kids. It's not a quick story, either. It's usually long and boring and irrelevant to whatever we're talking about. I don't have patience. I didn't want to be rude so I thought by avoiding these chatty conversations I can avoid hearing her stories. I don't avoid her, I just stopped chatting about non-work stuff. She also has a tendency to ask personal questions and sometimes I just don't feel like going into personal stuff. For example, she's been asking me about my premie niece. When she asks I usually say, "Good, thanks" with a smile. I don't want to go into the latest scare or setback, especially at work. I know she's asking from a good place - she cares. And she probably has personal stories she wants to share about a similar topic. But in all seriousness, I do need to be careful. There's a fine line between being uninterested and being rude. I don't want to be rude, and I definitely don't want to make someone think I'm mad at them. So I need to work on that, but I'm not sure how.
Also, I'm not a sports person by any stretch. But why would someone steal Tom Brady's jersey?? C'mon, that's not cool.
In the meantime while this was going on, I was moving up the queue for the ultrasound so as soon as I was done with blood work I had a pretty short wait for the ultrasound. They counted 8 on the right and 4 on the left. I didn't track this from previous cycles, and I don't remember what they counted at baseline, so I have nothing to compare it to. I already know not to get attached to any particular numbers. It can all change, so we'll see what happens.
I'm feeling ok. Slightly bloated, but I think it's because I've been lax on my good eating habit so I've started back on that and hopefully it will help.
I had a conversation at work today that I didn't like. Coworker A told me that coworker B thinks I'm mad at her. I'm not mad at coworker B, and I don't like that she thinks I am. I do I have a hard time talking to her. Every conversation with her gets usurped and she ends up talking about her kids. No matter what we're talking about, or who is talking, she makes a comment about or compares the situation to something with her kids. It's not a quick story, either. It's usually long and boring and irrelevant to whatever we're talking about. I don't have patience. I didn't want to be rude so I thought by avoiding these chatty conversations I can avoid hearing her stories. I don't avoid her, I just stopped chatting about non-work stuff. She also has a tendency to ask personal questions and sometimes I just don't feel like going into personal stuff. For example, she's been asking me about my premie niece. When she asks I usually say, "Good, thanks" with a smile. I don't want to go into the latest scare or setback, especially at work. I know she's asking from a good place - she cares. And she probably has personal stories she wants to share about a similar topic. But in all seriousness, I do need to be careful. There's a fine line between being uninterested and being rude. I don't want to be rude, and I definitely don't want to make someone think I'm mad at them. So I need to work on that, but I'm not sure how.
Also, I'm not a sports person by any stretch. But why would someone steal Tom Brady's jersey?? C'mon, that's not cool.
Friday, January 6, 2017
Baseline?
I went in this morning for blood work. The CD3 bloodwork everyone kept talking about and saying they need to complete my file and submit to insurance blah blah blah.
The day 3 blood is basically an annual baseline which I either completely forgot about from the past or it just blended in my memory with all the other appointments. I was so surprised when she asked to get my weight. I didn't know to expect it. I would have worn less bulky clothes! I definitely would have had less water this morning.
My vein wasn't behaving and I got stuck twice. It's literally only one spot on one vein that they can get to work. It took multiple minutes of rubbing, poking, smoothing, and squeezing my hand into a fist to finally get it on the second try. As she was finishing up, she told me which doctor will be doing my ultrasound.
Ultrasound? What ultrasound?? I'm on my heaviest day of my period. Gross! I didn't know there would be an ultrasound! I even walked in to the waiting room thinking "at least there's no ultrasound today" because I'm so crampy. And when I checked in I only circled blood work for today. I could not have been less mentally prepared for an ultrasound. I would have probably showered this morning instead of last night. I would have checked that my socks don't have holes in them. I definitely would have made more of an effort to get there early if I knew I'd have to wait for the ultrasound. UGH.
Thankfully not too long a wait - only 15 minutes. I made a point not to apologize for bleeding and tried not to be embarrassed by it. This is what my body is supposed to be doing. If the doc didn't want to see it he shouldn't have gotten into this field. Between the two of us, I'm the less comfortable one.
My ovaries aren't located in symmetrical locations so they can always find one easily but then have trouble with the other side. Looks like I have 12 on one side and 15 on the other. Perfect ovaries, according to doc. If only that's all it took.
I also needed to reconnect with the insurance IVF hotline. When I called to enroll last time it was 2015 and we had not yet done any procedures. This time, they needed information about what we're doing and why. The insurance nurse had a lot of questions, all of them personal. She needed to fill out her form, but I had a hard time with her sterile and emotionless tone. "How many times were you pregnant?" caused me to mist up. When I said there were two chemical pregnancies she asked, "And what happened?" which made me cry. I just said baby stopped growing. When she asked for more information I was like, Gee.... if we knew that I'd still be pregnant now and we wouldn't be having this stupid conversation.
Because we still have one frozen embryo available, insurance will likely deny a fresh IVF. The insurance lady said we can submit paperwork to see if the director would make an exception but it's against their policy and I feel like that's sending a lot of personal information around, dealing with a lot of coordination for paperwork between the clinic to insurance, and then getting a denial which we know is coming just isn't worth the aggravation. It's not like we'll lose the benefit dollars - we can still use them for FETs. Or future cycles assuming we don't have any embryos in storage.
It was an emotionally draining morning. We have to decide what we want to do so we can get on the schedule since it's filling up now. Hopefully I'll have an answer soon.
Shabbat shalom.
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
Ok, Universe. We get it.
It's funny to think that anything is within our control.
I was stressing about the first earliest baseline appointment, trying to plan a cushion to the things I know may delay us (i.e., insurance). I didn't factor in that in this shitty world of fertility treatment, another maddening perk of being on the failure merry-go-round is having all of your tests expire yearly.
I have to redo day-3 blood work. Both of us need to repeat infectious disease blood work. I need to have another mock transfer between days 5-12. All this unmedicated, leaving a logistical nida nightmare. It was suggested to wait until new insurance is verified, so this can't even happen in the January cycle. Which means the earliest baseline we're looking at is mid-Feb, base-case scenario and no other delays.
This news frustrated me so much. Shortly after, I heard the news that our rabbi passed away. He was in his early 90s and his health declined sharply in recent months, but it was still sudden and unexpected. It was the trigger that got the tears flowing. They weren't far from the surface anyway.
What I'm hearing is that the universe is telling me to work on my patience. There's no point in even trying to rush anything because whatever is supposed to happen will happen. This acceptance is like a tidal wave of relief.
I was stressing about the first earliest baseline appointment, trying to plan a cushion to the things I know may delay us (i.e., insurance). I didn't factor in that in this shitty world of fertility treatment, another maddening perk of being on the failure merry-go-round is having all of your tests expire yearly.
I have to redo day-3 blood work. Both of us need to repeat infectious disease blood work. I need to have another mock transfer between days 5-12. All this unmedicated, leaving a logistical nida nightmare. It was suggested to wait until new insurance is verified, so this can't even happen in the January cycle. Which means the earliest baseline we're looking at is mid-Feb, base-case scenario and no other delays.
This news frustrated me so much. Shortly after, I heard the news that our rabbi passed away. He was in his early 90s and his health declined sharply in recent months, but it was still sudden and unexpected. It was the trigger that got the tears flowing. They weren't far from the surface anyway.
What I'm hearing is that the universe is telling me to work on my patience. There's no point in even trying to rush anything because whatever is supposed to happen will happen. This acceptance is like a tidal wave of relief.
Just be. Live in the moment. Whatever will happen will happen.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
FET 4: Beta 4
It's the chemical pregnancy that just won't go away. Hcg level this morning was 5.4. Ugh.
In general I'm a pretty positive person so the depression hanging over me is heavily weighing me down. I want to move past this but it's just too soon. The fact that we can't close the chapter doesn't help. I have to go back on Monday to confirm levels go down to zero.
I've been trying to research things to ask the doctor at the next appointment. So far I'm planning to ask about lovonox and prednisone, though I'm seeing a lot of quite horrible side effects of these. What else? I don't know enough to know what to search for.
Spotting has started. I assume AF is right around the corner. Ibuprofen in large quantities is helping. I took off Friday. It was a really long week trying to keep a brave face at work. I need to be able to cry and grieve and sit with my heating pad and think about all the things that suck about this so that I can get it out of my system and move forward.
I know I'm not ready to give up. It's still fresh and actively happening and I already know that I'm willing to go through it again if it means a chance at success. I fully believe that whatever is supposed to happen will happen, and I need to do my part to get there.
I so appreciate the support we've been getting. It's not so much what people say, it's that they care so much. When they say something like, "I wish there was something I could do," it touches my heart to know how much they are invested in our success. Every voicemail, text message, email, or visit is another tether helping us carry this burden, easing the weight off our shoulders little by little. Even if I didn't respond I got it and appreciated it so much.
Time will help heel these wounds. Faith will strengthen us for next time. Hope will keep us going until it's time for our miracle.
In general I'm a pretty positive person so the depression hanging over me is heavily weighing me down. I want to move past this but it's just too soon. The fact that we can't close the chapter doesn't help. I have to go back on Monday to confirm levels go down to zero.
I've been trying to research things to ask the doctor at the next appointment. So far I'm planning to ask about lovonox and prednisone, though I'm seeing a lot of quite horrible side effects of these. What else? I don't know enough to know what to search for.
Spotting has started. I assume AF is right around the corner. Ibuprofen in large quantities is helping. I took off Friday. It was a really long week trying to keep a brave face at work. I need to be able to cry and grieve and sit with my heating pad and think about all the things that suck about this so that I can get it out of my system and move forward.
I know I'm not ready to give up. It's still fresh and actively happening and I already know that I'm willing to go through it again if it means a chance at success. I fully believe that whatever is supposed to happen will happen, and I need to do my part to get there.
I so appreciate the support we've been getting. It's not so much what people say, it's that they care so much. When they say something like, "I wish there was something I could do," it touches my heart to know how much they are invested in our success. Every voicemail, text message, email, or visit is another tether helping us carry this burden, easing the weight off our shoulders little by little. Even if I didn't respond I got it and appreciated it so much.
Time will help heel these wounds. Faith will strengthen us for next time. Hope will keep us going until it's time for our miracle.
Monday, November 28, 2016
FET 4: Beta 3
Hcg levels are down to 26.
It's over.
Another chemical pregnancy.
I don't know why this keeps happening. Not sure what we did wrong. I don't know if there was anything we could have done differently.
I can't stop crying. I'm home for lunch break and I need to get back to the office soon, especially since I got in late from traffic and waiting over 40 min for bloodwork this morning.
I don't know how to fix this. I don't know why this happened.
It's over.
Another chemical pregnancy.
I don't know why this keeps happening. Not sure what we did wrong. I don't know if there was anything we could have done differently.
I can't stop crying. I'm home for lunch break and I need to get back to the office soon, especially since I got in late from traffic and waiting over 40 min for bloodwork this morning.
I don't know how to fix this. I don't know why this happened.
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
FET 4, Beta 2: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
The good news is that my numbers doubled: they're up from 448 to 954.
The bad news is that I've been having intense cramping and around lunch started spotting heavily. I called my nurse in a panic and I was told that spotting is normal. She said there are a few reasons for bleeding at this stage, such as the meds causing it. She said that while it seems alarming I should try to relax and just keep taking the meds. It was reassuring enough to keep me from crying but not enough to make me stop worrying. Next appointment is Monday for third beta so if I'm in pain or have heavier bleeding I need to call the after hours line.
The ugly is that I had just gotten to Wegman's for some pre-holiday shopping when I decided I should use the restroom quickly first. It was there that I discovered the bleeding so in my freakout I just ran to my car to call the clinic. I didn't get any of the groceries I meant to buy and didn't realize until later in the day.
We're cautiously optimistic. The numbers doubled, as they should. But as soon as I saw the red my happy bubble burst and I realized that this could all end at the blink of an eye. I'm happy the numbers doubled and that there's still a chance that this will be ok, but I'm so worried. I'm trying not to assume the worst just yet.
The bad news is that I've been having intense cramping and around lunch started spotting heavily. I called my nurse in a panic and I was told that spotting is normal. She said there are a few reasons for bleeding at this stage, such as the meds causing it. She said that while it seems alarming I should try to relax and just keep taking the meds. It was reassuring enough to keep me from crying but not enough to make me stop worrying. Next appointment is Monday for third beta so if I'm in pain or have heavier bleeding I need to call the after hours line.
The ugly is that I had just gotten to Wegman's for some pre-holiday shopping when I decided I should use the restroom quickly first. It was there that I discovered the bleeding so in my freakout I just ran to my car to call the clinic. I didn't get any of the groceries I meant to buy and didn't realize until later in the day.
We're cautiously optimistic. The numbers doubled, as they should. But as soon as I saw the red my happy bubble burst and I realized that this could all end at the blink of an eye. I'm happy the numbers doubled and that there's still a chance that this will be ok, but I'm so worried. I'm trying not to assume the worst just yet.
Monday, November 21, 2016
FET 4: Beta
It's been a long and exhausting day but there are important updates and limited editing below.
Left the house at 7:00 AM and made it to the clinic by 7:30 AM. Waited for 25 min before being called for bloodwork. Back in the car at exactly 8:00 AM. Made it to the interview place by 8:40 AM which gave me time to find parking, look over some papers and use the restroom before the 9:00 AM interview. I met with three sets of people and talked non-stop until 10:45 AM. From there I went to meet a friend for coffee. I got home at 12:25 PM at which point I got the call from the clinic.
You know how they like to see a number above 100? You know what my number was? 448.
4. 4. 8.
The doc said the number, and I'm like 148? That's great! He's like no and repeated it. I'm like 248? Wow! I finally got it on the third time. 448!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that even a real number??? I didn't know numbers that high were even an option for first beta!
We told our parents and a close friend following our story. If you know me IRL please keep this news to yourself - we're obviously not ready to go public yet.
We're thrilled. I was so happy with the news. But it doesn't feel real yet. I couldn't sit still at home so I went in to work for the afternoon. They were actually texting me questions and because it's a short week they were time sensitive, so it was easier to just come in. It's fine - I enjoyed being around people with my little secret. In fact, meeting new people and learning about the new position in the interview made me appreciate my current job and team members even more.
It still doesn't feel real and every few minutes we remember and we're like, is this real? Is this really happening?? We're so cautiously happy, knowing that it's still so early and anything can happen. But for the time being... officially pregnant. Thank you Hashem. Thank you everyone who said tehillim.
Next bloodwork is Wednesday to confirm the number is doubling.
Left the house at 7:00 AM and made it to the clinic by 7:30 AM. Waited for 25 min before being called for bloodwork. Back in the car at exactly 8:00 AM. Made it to the interview place by 8:40 AM which gave me time to find parking, look over some papers and use the restroom before the 9:00 AM interview. I met with three sets of people and talked non-stop until 10:45 AM. From there I went to meet a friend for coffee. I got home at 12:25 PM at which point I got the call from the clinic.
You know how they like to see a number above 100? You know what my number was? 448.
4. 4. 8.
The doc said the number, and I'm like 148? That's great! He's like no and repeated it. I'm like 248? Wow! I finally got it on the third time. 448!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that even a real number??? I didn't know numbers that high were even an option for first beta!
We told our parents and a close friend following our story. If you know me IRL please keep this news to yourself - we're obviously not ready to go public yet.
We're thrilled. I was so happy with the news. But it doesn't feel real yet. I couldn't sit still at home so I went in to work for the afternoon. They were actually texting me questions and because it's a short week they were time sensitive, so it was easier to just come in. It's fine - I enjoyed being around people with my little secret. In fact, meeting new people and learning about the new position in the interview made me appreciate my current job and team members even more.
It still doesn't feel real and every few minutes we remember and we're like, is this real? Is this really happening?? We're so cautiously happy, knowing that it's still so early and anything can happen. But for the time being... officially pregnant. Thank you Hashem. Thank you everyone who said tehillim.
Next bloodwork is Wednesday to confirm the number is doubling.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
FET 4: Lining check
This was my day.... unedited.
7:30 AM - Lining check was this morning. Doc said lining was just at the minimum of 8 mm. What? Seriously? Of all my appointments ever, lining was never an issue. The last ERA cycle lining was close to 12 mm or something. Why is this happening?? Bloodwork uneventful.
8:12 AM - The appointment ended pretty quickly so I had about 20 min before needing to be at work. I was thinking of running to Starbucks but then had a better idea. Instead of standing in line at Starbucks, I went to the nearest early voting place and stood in line there! The lines were long but they were moving pretty quickly so I was in and out within 30 minutes. #MakingHERstery #imwithher #gotasticker
11:04 AM - I'm trying not to freak out. I know that it's the minimum but I think it's on the right side of minimum. That's what Google says, anyway. I just really don't like being on the edge like that. They did mention it has the triple line so at least we have that. This was never an issue, why is this happening now? I'm so nervous about next steps. What does this mean? Will they cancel the cycle? Delay? Do they give it another chance to grow and then check again? If that's the case, what happens to my 6 days of progesterone? Ahhhh! I'm so worried. I can't focus on anything. They took blood to make sure I didn't ovulate so they're going to wait for results to call me.
11:53 AM - No update yet. Still thinking about it.
12:01 PM - I woke up this morning at 5:12 AM and am now reconsidering the decision to quit my newish 1-cup-a-day instant coffee habit cold-turkey.
1:43 PM - It's still early. They should call soon. On the plus side, "not thinking about it" translated into incredible productivity at work.
2:36 PM - Why haven't they called yet?
3:12 PM - THE CALL! Lining is at 8.69 mm and E2 at 467. Anything above an 8 is "excellent" and good to start PIO. YAY!!! I asked about other cycles where lining was so much thicker and the nurse said that it can vary between cycles but as long as it's over 8mm it's fine regardless of how much higher. It's basically a pass/fail and I passed.
3:13 PM - decorating nursery in my mind jk
So excited! I know I should be guarded and protect my heart from another potential failure but I'm just jumping in with both feet. So until our first beta tells me otherwise, I'm happy to get this show on the road!!
6:30 PM - PIO shot. Oh right, this again.
7:30 AM - Lining check was this morning. Doc said lining was just at the minimum of 8 mm. What? Seriously? Of all my appointments ever, lining was never an issue. The last ERA cycle lining was close to 12 mm or something. Why is this happening?? Bloodwork uneventful.
8:12 AM - The appointment ended pretty quickly so I had about 20 min before needing to be at work. I was thinking of running to Starbucks but then had a better idea. Instead of standing in line at Starbucks, I went to the nearest early voting place and stood in line there! The lines were long but they were moving pretty quickly so I was in and out within 30 minutes. #MakingHERstery #imwithher #gotasticker
11:04 AM - I'm trying not to freak out. I know that it's the minimum but I think it's on the right side of minimum. That's what Google says, anyway. I just really don't like being on the edge like that. They did mention it has the triple line so at least we have that. This was never an issue, why is this happening now? I'm so nervous about next steps. What does this mean? Will they cancel the cycle? Delay? Do they give it another chance to grow and then check again? If that's the case, what happens to my 6 days of progesterone? Ahhhh! I'm so worried. I can't focus on anything. They took blood to make sure I didn't ovulate so they're going to wait for results to call me.
11:53 AM - No update yet. Still thinking about it.
12:01 PM - I woke up this morning at 5:12 AM and am now reconsidering the decision to quit my newish 1-cup-a-day instant coffee habit cold-turkey.
1:43 PM - It's still early. They should call soon. On the plus side, "not thinking about it" translated into incredible productivity at work.
2:36 PM - Why haven't they called yet?
3:12 PM - THE CALL! Lining is at 8.69 mm and E2 at 467. Anything above an 8 is "excellent" and good to start PIO. YAY!!! I asked about other cycles where lining was so much thicker and the nurse said that it can vary between cycles but as long as it's over 8mm it's fine regardless of how much higher. It's basically a pass/fail and I passed.
3:13 PM - decorating nursery in my mind jk
So excited! I know I should be guarded and protect my heart from another potential failure but I'm just jumping in with both feet. So until our first beta tells me otherwise, I'm happy to get this show on the road!!
6:30 PM - PIO shot. Oh right, this again.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
False alarm
I left the baseline appointment this morning upset and frustrated.
The financial counselor didn't tell me that we have a balance due from the biopsies, in addition to the fee for the FET. So I was surprised with an extra balance due of several hundred dollars that I wasn't expecting when I checked in for my appointment this morning. I tried to speak to the financial counselor but she was so unhelpful. She didn't email me in advance telling me it was due; she had no idea that insurance is supposed to be covering it; and she has a loud voice and was talking in the front hall near reception and the waiting room, so she was talking about my business in front of other people. The most frustrating part was that even though I know I'm right, if they don't financially clear me then I can't start the cycle. I paid the fee feeling my blood simmer, wishing this is the last time I ever have to deal with this person.
I later emailed to follow up about it and she said there was an insurance submission error, so they will be resubmitting it to insurance. I asked if I will get a refund once it's all straightened out and she tried to tell me that I would not since I didn't pay it. What is wrong with you, lady?? Luckily I had the receipt and I forwarded it. Now I have to keep an eye out on my account. Ugh.
After the financial thing, I got weighed and things continued to go downhill. My clinic has strict BMI rules. I am 0.1 points over their requirements as a max. I could say it was because of the fast yesterday and that I'm retaining fluid from eating the entire day's worth of calories after 8 pm. I could say it's all the water I drank in order to make sure they're able to do bloodwork. I could also say that it's partially because I've been on back-to-back cycles and my body is so bloated from meds. I could excuse it away but I know they're just excuses. I feel frustrated for knowing this might be an issue and not being more proactive to prevent it. I feel disappointed at myself for not taking care of something that is technically within my control.
To add to today's drama, my cell phone is not accepting voicemails and I don't want to miss important info from the clinic. In 2011 I signed up for Google Voice. I have never used my phone's voicemail app since then and have never had a problem. A few weeks ago my phone automatically switched to my carrier's voicemail app. Feeling like a dinosaur, I couldn't figure out how to get it back to the Google Voice app. I keep meaning to look into it but haven't had the time. Today I realize I'm not getting any voicemails at all and realize it's because my voicemail box is full. UGGGGHHH. I figured out how to delete voicemails in order to get new ones, but I'm still trying to figure out why I'm not linked to Google Voice. One more thing to deal with.
There is only one weeknight before sukkot which starts Sunday night. We're hosting my husband's family for first days. I'm so not in the mood, especially since I'm apparently on a strict lettuce diet now. We still have so much to do, and since the basement flooded last week, we still have to organize and rearrange everything.
On top of everything, today is the 1 year mark since our first negative beta. It was the first major blow and disappointment of our treatment ordeal. The first time our dreams came crashing down. The first time we dealt with failure. It was the first of several disappointing days in the past year, but it was the very first one that lifted the rose-colored glasses I was wearing and made me realize that this might not be as clear cut as I originally thought. It was truly a devastating day. Today is proving to be only slightly better
Now we're so close. So close. We're three weeks away from a transfer, and yet so far. I spoke to my nurse about the BMI. It needs to come down before the do a transfer, there is no question. At first I thought there may be a chance they'll let me start and then reweigh me before the actual transfer date. But my doctor won't even start the protocol until I'm 0.1 points below what I am now. It's 0.1! That's basically a large BM. I'm so overwhelmed with disappointment and at the same time slightly relieved that it's something technically within my control.
My husband, in his infinite sweetness, is going to diet with me. He also said if we have to wait a cycle then it's not the end of the world. In my mind, it is!!! How could I let this happen?! It's very sweet that he made sure I knew he doesn't blame me. Even though I blame myself.
In the meantime, we're delaying everything by a week. I will go back next Thursday for a new weight check and baseline.
The financial counselor didn't tell me that we have a balance due from the biopsies, in addition to the fee for the FET. So I was surprised with an extra balance due of several hundred dollars that I wasn't expecting when I checked in for my appointment this morning. I tried to speak to the financial counselor but she was so unhelpful. She didn't email me in advance telling me it was due; she had no idea that insurance is supposed to be covering it; and she has a loud voice and was talking in the front hall near reception and the waiting room, so she was talking about my business in front of other people. The most frustrating part was that even though I know I'm right, if they don't financially clear me then I can't start the cycle. I paid the fee feeling my blood simmer, wishing this is the last time I ever have to deal with this person.
I later emailed to follow up about it and she said there was an insurance submission error, so they will be resubmitting it to insurance. I asked if I will get a refund once it's all straightened out and she tried to tell me that I would not since I didn't pay it. What is wrong with you, lady?? Luckily I had the receipt and I forwarded it. Now I have to keep an eye out on my account. Ugh.
After the financial thing, I got weighed and things continued to go downhill. My clinic has strict BMI rules. I am 0.1 points over their requirements as a max. I could say it was because of the fast yesterday and that I'm retaining fluid from eating the entire day's worth of calories after 8 pm. I could say it's all the water I drank in order to make sure they're able to do bloodwork. I could also say that it's partially because I've been on back-to-back cycles and my body is so bloated from meds. I could excuse it away but I know they're just excuses. I feel frustrated for knowing this might be an issue and not being more proactive to prevent it. I feel disappointed at myself for not taking care of something that is technically within my control.
To add to today's drama, my cell phone is not accepting voicemails and I don't want to miss important info from the clinic. In 2011 I signed up for Google Voice. I have never used my phone's voicemail app since then and have never had a problem. A few weeks ago my phone automatically switched to my carrier's voicemail app. Feeling like a dinosaur, I couldn't figure out how to get it back to the Google Voice app. I keep meaning to look into it but haven't had the time. Today I realize I'm not getting any voicemails at all and realize it's because my voicemail box is full. UGGGGHHH. I figured out how to delete voicemails in order to get new ones, but I'm still trying to figure out why I'm not linked to Google Voice. One more thing to deal with.
There is only one weeknight before sukkot which starts Sunday night. We're hosting my husband's family for first days. I'm so not in the mood, especially since I'm apparently on a strict lettuce diet now. We still have so much to do, and since the basement flooded last week, we still have to organize and rearrange everything.
On top of everything, today is the 1 year mark since our first negative beta. It was the first major blow and disappointment of our treatment ordeal. The first time our dreams came crashing down. The first time we dealt with failure. It was the first of several disappointing days in the past year, but it was the very first one that lifted the rose-colored glasses I was wearing and made me realize that this might not be as clear cut as I originally thought. It was truly a devastating day. Today is proving to be only slightly better
Now we're so close. So close. We're three weeks away from a transfer, and yet so far. I spoke to my nurse about the BMI. It needs to come down before the do a transfer, there is no question. At first I thought there may be a chance they'll let me start and then reweigh me before the actual transfer date. But my doctor won't even start the protocol until I'm 0.1 points below what I am now. It's 0.1! That's basically a large BM. I'm so overwhelmed with disappointment and at the same time slightly relieved that it's something technically within my control.
My husband, in his infinite sweetness, is going to diet with me. He also said if we have to wait a cycle then it's not the end of the world. In my mind, it is!!! How could I let this happen?! It's very sweet that he made sure I knew he doesn't blame me. Even though I blame myself.
In the meantime, we're delaying everything by a week. I will go back next Thursday for a new weight check and baseline.
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