It only takes one!
We got PGD results back and of the two embryos we sent out, one came back healthy. Amazing!!! We had very low hope that anything would come back from this cycle and we're surprised and incredibly grateful that it wasn't a complete bust as we feared.
We're still debating between a fresh ivf and a transfer, but this gives us options. I have more to say about cost but another time. For now, it's a small sigh of relief: a high on this journey's roller coaster.
Showing posts with label IVF #6. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF #6. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Sunday, September 17, 2017
Gutted
Only two.
Got the final update on our embryos this morning and there were no additional ones that made it to blast. Our final count being sent for testing is two embryos. Knowing the odds of what it takes for them both to come back healthy I'm not holding my breath. I went into this cycle fully knowing that there's a chance it might be a bust. But when we got 28 eggs and 14 embryos on day 5, the chance for a bust seemed so slim. I knew not to be so excited about the high numbers. I knew we couldn't possibly get all of those. But two? Just two? WTH?????
Can't stop crying. So upset. Asked my doctor to call me. We'll see if he does. My husband is ready to call it quits on these people and move to the second clinic. I don't know what to do next. For now I have to go pack for this stupid trip.
So tired of this merry-go-round from hell. I just want to be done with this stage of life and be raising my babies. This is such a nightmare. The high's mess with your brain and make the low's that much worse. Burned out and sapped of any hope or faith right now.
Got the final update on our embryos this morning and there were no additional ones that made it to blast. Our final count being sent for testing is two embryos. Knowing the odds of what it takes for them both to come back healthy I'm not holding my breath. I went into this cycle fully knowing that there's a chance it might be a bust. But when we got 28 eggs and 14 embryos on day 5, the chance for a bust seemed so slim. I knew not to be so excited about the high numbers. I knew we couldn't possibly get all of those. But two? Just two? WTH?????
Can't stop crying. So upset. Asked my doctor to call me. We'll see if he does. My husband is ready to call it quits on these people and move to the second clinic. I don't know what to do next. For now I have to go pack for this stupid trip.
So tired of this merry-go-round from hell. I just want to be done with this stage of life and be raising my babies. This is such a nightmare. The high's mess with your brain and make the low's that much worse. Burned out and sapped of any hope or faith right now.
Saturday, September 16, 2017
IVF 6: Recovery
First of all, milk of magnesia directions say a bm is expected within 1/2 to 6 hours. That did not happen. I considered taking a second dose but gave it until morning. It wasn't exactly what I was expecting but still better than nothing.
Second, we got an embryo update. They biopsied 2 embryos today. Just two. They said they're "still watching" the rest but I'm having a difficult time processing the number. I knew to expect attrition; I knew we would likely not biopsy all 14. But to go from Day 5 with 14 to Day 6 with only two biopsied felt like an enormous blow. I know that doesn't mean it's only two for this cycle for sure, but it might be. We only have a 25% chance per embryo for PGD results to come back favorable.
Of course I spiraled from being sad about low numbers to worrying that we may have to do this again to crying that this may never happen for us to just freaking out about what's the point of any of this. I just went through the worst recovery yet and the only thing that kept me going was thinking that we had lots of embryos and there was a chance we'd never have to go through this again. Now I'm not so sure. I'm still not sure.
I need to pull myself together because I have a long week ahead. We're going away for two days tomorrow for a family simcha in New York. I also need to get my act together for Rosh Hashanah: shopping, cooking, laundry, so much to do. People ask what they can do to help and I don't know what to tell them. I can't think ahead enough to know what to ask for.
After Shabbat I listened to the voicemail about the embryo update. As I was processing I got a text from my sister that they're expecting another baby. I'm really happy for her and I appreciate that she texted me early before showing or sharing with the rest of the family. Timing could have been better but it is what it is.
At this point the wind was knocked out of my sails and I'm having a hard time. If I could skip the family get together out of town I would. As it is I don't have anything to wear that doesn't make me look like I have a six-month belly. As if I don't get enough comments as it is.
Until tomorrow... with whatever news it brings.
Second, we got an embryo update. They biopsied 2 embryos today. Just two. They said they're "still watching" the rest but I'm having a difficult time processing the number. I knew to expect attrition; I knew we would likely not biopsy all 14. But to go from Day 5 with 14 to Day 6 with only two biopsied felt like an enormous blow. I know that doesn't mean it's only two for this cycle for sure, but it might be. We only have a 25% chance per embryo for PGD results to come back favorable.
Of course I spiraled from being sad about low numbers to worrying that we may have to do this again to crying that this may never happen for us to just freaking out about what's the point of any of this. I just went through the worst recovery yet and the only thing that kept me going was thinking that we had lots of embryos and there was a chance we'd never have to go through this again. Now I'm not so sure. I'm still not sure.
I need to pull myself together because I have a long week ahead. We're going away for two days tomorrow for a family simcha in New York. I also need to get my act together for Rosh Hashanah: shopping, cooking, laundry, so much to do. People ask what they can do to help and I don't know what to tell them. I can't think ahead enough to know what to ask for.
After Shabbat I listened to the voicemail about the embryo update. As I was processing I got a text from my sister that they're expecting another baby. I'm really happy for her and I appreciate that she texted me early before showing or sharing with the rest of the family. Timing could have been better but it is what it is.
At this point the wind was knocked out of my sails and I'm having a hard time. If I could skip the family get together out of town I would. As it is I don't have anything to wear that doesn't make me look like I have a six-month belly. As if I don't get enough comments as it is.
Until tomorrow... with whatever news it brings.
Friday, September 15, 2017
IVF 6: Follow up appointment
Yesterday the bloating and discomfort reached levels I couldn't handle so I called my nurse for help. She recommended a few things and said if it's not better in the afternoon to call her again. I called again in the afternoon to report no change and scheduled to come in this morning for an ultrasound. They saw fluid pockets in my belly and around the swollen ovaries but nothing that alarmed them enough to recommend a procedure to drain it.
They also asked me to get weighed and for a change I wasn't worried about the number being too high, if only to have some proof that I'm not faking it! I weighed in wearing my heaviest and longest denim skirt because it's two sizes too big and literally the only thing that fits right now. How's this for irony: my weight was the same number as I had at baseline exactly three weeks ago, to the decimal point.
I learned a few things this recovery period:
- Free water is bad. It collects and doesn't pass as easily. Doctor recommended electrolytes so lots of Gatorade.
- Green leafy veg are good. Spinach is bad because of the iron.
- Colace isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's a stool softener, not a laxative. Today doc recommended milk of magnesia. It's been two hours since taking it and still nothing. We'll see.
- Potato chips are recommended! Salt? Starch? Don't remember the reasoning behind why they work, but they do.
- Protein helps. After I spoke to the nurse yesterday morning she recommended upping protein intake so I had an omelette for lunch and this morning I saw a slight difference.
In embryo news, 14 are still growing. They need to biopsy them for PGD testing so they will give them another day or so to reach blast stage. I can't believe we're talking about double digit numbers right now. These are unprecedented numbers for us! I hope it bodes well for good numbers overall.
Shabbat shalom.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
IVF 6: Embryo watch
Of the 28 eggs retrieved, 20 were mature, 18 fertilized. It's a ridiculously awesome number. We're cautiously thrilled and we know there's expected attrition.
I've been suffering from the worst post-retrieval symptoms I've ever had after an IVF cycle. The nausea didn't completely go away. I've been painfully gassy and constipated. It's hard to walk, it's hard to move, it's hard to breathe. My stomach is hard and tender to the touch. I remembered this from before but I don't remember it being this bad. I've been afraid to eat because I didn't want to add on more to it. I took some Colace today and hope it does something. I plan to call the clinic in the morning if it doesn't.
Today I was reflecting back to my husband about my pre-cycle jitters and hesitation. At the time I couldn't exactly pinpoint why I was anxious about another cycle. I chalked it up to just be burned out with fertility treatment. I realize now that this is what I was dreading. The shots are not terrible, the traffic and monitoring are manageable, even the retrieval itself and everything that led to it was tolerable. It's the pain and recovery that are so difficult for me.
It's been a difficult week. Work is so hectic. Friends and family are busy with their own lives with first weeks of school and getting ready for the holidays starting next week. I've been trying to not feel neglected by my support network. I know it's not personal, there's a lot going on. I hope I stop feeling crappy soon.
The new fall theme for the blog reminds me of this time last year. What a crazy 12 months until now. Hope the next 12 are better.
I've been suffering from the worst post-retrieval symptoms I've ever had after an IVF cycle. The nausea didn't completely go away. I've been painfully gassy and constipated. It's hard to walk, it's hard to move, it's hard to breathe. My stomach is hard and tender to the touch. I remembered this from before but I don't remember it being this bad. I've been afraid to eat because I didn't want to add on more to it. I took some Colace today and hope it does something. I plan to call the clinic in the morning if it doesn't.
Today I was reflecting back to my husband about my pre-cycle jitters and hesitation. At the time I couldn't exactly pinpoint why I was anxious about another cycle. I chalked it up to just be burned out with fertility treatment. I realize now that this is what I was dreading. The shots are not terrible, the traffic and monitoring are manageable, even the retrieval itself and everything that led to it was tolerable. It's the pain and recovery that are so difficult for me.
It's been a difficult week. Work is so hectic. Friends and family are busy with their own lives with first weeks of school and getting ready for the holidays starting next week. I've been trying to not feel neglected by my support network. I know it's not personal, there's a lot going on. I hope I stop feeling crappy soon.
The new fall theme for the blog reminds me of this time last year. What a crazy 12 months until now. Hope the next 12 are better.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
IVF 6: Egg Retrieval
TL;DR version: 28 eggs. Stories in chronological order from Friday to Sunday.
There was a situation on Friday where there was stress for a bit because my follicles were large and there was a chance I'd need to trigger with Lupron, but they needed to see the blood levels before confirming. A Lupron trigger meant not only did I need to run to the pharmacy before they closed on Friday, but I'd also have to arrange for a ride on Shabbat to get bloodwork to see if it absorbed right. I waited on pins and needles all day and emailed my nurse around 1pm. She replied saying there was a machine issue and the bloods needed to be sent to another location (over an hour away) for processing so they won't get info until after 3pm. I got news around 4 pm that trigger will be with HCG so no need to run to the pharmacy and no need to come in on Saturday for bloodwork. Whew.
Trigger went fine on Friday night. The next step was Saturday meds. The antibiotic they usually prescribe is azithromycin which is one dose night before retrieval to help prevent infection. In the past, I've had severe GI issues with it (at first I called it the nervous-shits but then we discovered it was actually from the meds). So this time, I thought I was being clever by asking for a different antibiotic. Enter doxycycline. It's twice a day for five days. Supposedly a more mild medication and less intense on the GI tract. It had been a rough several weeks with the diet and shots - I was already nauseous. But as soon as I took the doxy the nausea reached a whole new level. On Saturday, I took the first dose of doxy in the morning and felt off the entire day. I threw up my coffee. I couldn't even keep water down. My appetite was non-existent but I knew I needed to get something in my system. I tried eating some dry crispix and kept it down for about 20 min but it came back up. Toward evening I tried having an apple and it stayed. I thought maybe the worst had past because I hadn't connected the dots with the doxy. Then I took the evening dose of doxy and it was an immediate reaction. I was again nauseous and so miserable. I thought maybe having some tea and crackers might help. I was willing to try anything and I knew I'd be skipping breakfast the next day. It was Saturday night and I didn't want to take another doxy on an empty stomach in the morning right before retrieval. I called the after-hours line for help. I told the nurse who called back that I have the azithro and that I just can't tolerate the doxy. I didn't want to overmedicate or have a weird combo reaction. She advised taking the azithro and if it comes back up, it comes back. She said they can give me anti-nausea meds in the IV in the morning.
So instead of fighting the nausea, I went to get rid of the night dose of doxy which I knew was going to bother me until it came up, and I didn't want to throw up the azithro. The apple and crackers came back up and, since there was nothing left, I was left dry-heaving on the toilet. I felt a tiny bit better almost immediately. I was worried about taking the azithro on an empty stomach and I mean completely empty. My husband brought me some dry crispix and I ate a handful. It stayed down for 10 minutes so I took the azithro and hoped for the best.
I woke up several times in the night with my stomach churning in hunger. I was uncomfortable because of the azithro wreaking havoc on my system and I was still nauseous. I got dizzy in the shower and started dry-heaving again. Nothing came out. It took effort to gather myself long enough to take a few deep breaths and pull myself together. By the time I got to the retrieval I was ready for drugs. Pain killers, anti-nausea, whatever they were offering I was accepting. This is from someone who reconsiders Tylenol for a headache. The meds were heavenly. I didn't even care that the IV was bothering me. It was such a relief not to be nauseous.
Retrieval was uneventful and surprisingly smooth. Maybe I'm just used to the drill by now. There was no issue with my weight. I'd lost 6 lbs since baseline. My diet had a lot to do with it but it was also aided along by the nausea. I'm sure I gained some weight from the bloating so it may even be more. I was ready to do the retrieval without anesthesia - there was no way I was canceling the cycle for that but I'm very glad it didn't come down to that! Tomorrow we find out how many eggs were mature and fertilized.
Overall the cycle passed pretty quickly. I hope the wait to results passes quickly too.
There was a situation on Friday where there was stress for a bit because my follicles were large and there was a chance I'd need to trigger with Lupron, but they needed to see the blood levels before confirming. A Lupron trigger meant not only did I need to run to the pharmacy before they closed on Friday, but I'd also have to arrange for a ride on Shabbat to get bloodwork to see if it absorbed right. I waited on pins and needles all day and emailed my nurse around 1pm. She replied saying there was a machine issue and the bloods needed to be sent to another location (over an hour away) for processing so they won't get info until after 3pm. I got news around 4 pm that trigger will be with HCG so no need to run to the pharmacy and no need to come in on Saturday for bloodwork. Whew.
Trigger went fine on Friday night. The next step was Saturday meds. The antibiotic they usually prescribe is azithromycin which is one dose night before retrieval to help prevent infection. In the past, I've had severe GI issues with it (at first I called it the nervous-shits but then we discovered it was actually from the meds). So this time, I thought I was being clever by asking for a different antibiotic. Enter doxycycline. It's twice a day for five days. Supposedly a more mild medication and less intense on the GI tract. It had been a rough several weeks with the diet and shots - I was already nauseous. But as soon as I took the doxy the nausea reached a whole new level. On Saturday, I took the first dose of doxy in the morning and felt off the entire day. I threw up my coffee. I couldn't even keep water down. My appetite was non-existent but I knew I needed to get something in my system. I tried eating some dry crispix and kept it down for about 20 min but it came back up. Toward evening I tried having an apple and it stayed. I thought maybe the worst had past because I hadn't connected the dots with the doxy. Then I took the evening dose of doxy and it was an immediate reaction. I was again nauseous and so miserable. I thought maybe having some tea and crackers might help. I was willing to try anything and I knew I'd be skipping breakfast the next day. It was Saturday night and I didn't want to take another doxy on an empty stomach in the morning right before retrieval. I called the after-hours line for help. I told the nurse who called back that I have the azithro and that I just can't tolerate the doxy. I didn't want to overmedicate or have a weird combo reaction. She advised taking the azithro and if it comes back up, it comes back. She said they can give me anti-nausea meds in the IV in the morning.
So instead of fighting the nausea, I went to get rid of the night dose of doxy which I knew was going to bother me until it came up, and I didn't want to throw up the azithro. The apple and crackers came back up and, since there was nothing left, I was left dry-heaving on the toilet. I felt a tiny bit better almost immediately. I was worried about taking the azithro on an empty stomach and I mean completely empty. My husband brought me some dry crispix and I ate a handful. It stayed down for 10 minutes so I took the azithro and hoped for the best.
I woke up several times in the night with my stomach churning in hunger. I was uncomfortable because of the azithro wreaking havoc on my system and I was still nauseous. I got dizzy in the shower and started dry-heaving again. Nothing came out. It took effort to gather myself long enough to take a few deep breaths and pull myself together. By the time I got to the retrieval I was ready for drugs. Pain killers, anti-nausea, whatever they were offering I was accepting. This is from someone who reconsiders Tylenol for a headache. The meds were heavenly. I didn't even care that the IV was bothering me. It was such a relief not to be nauseous.
Retrieval was uneventful and surprisingly smooth. Maybe I'm just used to the drill by now. There was no issue with my weight. I'd lost 6 lbs since baseline. My diet had a lot to do with it but it was also aided along by the nausea. I'm sure I gained some weight from the bloating so it may even be more. I was ready to do the retrieval without anesthesia - there was no way I was canceling the cycle for that but I'm very glad it didn't come down to that! Tomorrow we find out how many eggs were mature and fertilized.
Overall the cycle passed pretty quickly. I hope the wait to results passes quickly too.
Friday, September 8, 2017
IVF 6: Trigger
E2 came back at 2905 - just under the threshold for a Lupron trigger. HCG trigger tonight with retrieval on Sunday. Hoping for good things. Shabbat shalom!
IVF 6: Day 12
The good news is that we're very likely triggering tonight. Largest follicle measured at 26. The bad news is we're not out of the woods yet regarding coming in on Saturday. The reason is because, depending on my E2 levels, they may decide to trigger me with Lupron instead of HCG to prevent OHSS. I'm already feeling bloated and nauseous; I don't want to add any more and OHSS sounds like a nightmare. I gained 2 lbs in two days and I know it's not because of what I ate.
While we wait for results, I'm trying to figure out how to get a ride to the clinic. I've had two friends already offer, which is very sweet, but I can't accept a ride from someone who is Jewish, even if they are not observant and would likely be driving anyway. I have a few non-Jewish acquaintances but no one that I can rely on unquestionably. I don't want to have to stay in the hotel next door all Shabbat just for a 10 min bloodwork appointment. That would really suck.
Beside for arranging for a ride, if I do need to do a Lupron shot, I have to run to the specialty pharmacy to pick it up before Shabbat. I also have to work late today to get everything ready for a Monday event I'll be missing. I also have to shop and cook for Shabbat.
#pinsandneedles
While we wait for results, I'm trying to figure out how to get a ride to the clinic. I've had two friends already offer, which is very sweet, but I can't accept a ride from someone who is Jewish, even if they are not observant and would likely be driving anyway. I have a few non-Jewish acquaintances but no one that I can rely on unquestionably. I don't want to have to stay in the hotel next door all Shabbat just for a 10 min bloodwork appointment. That would really suck.
Beside for arranging for a ride, if I do need to do a Lupron shot, I have to run to the specialty pharmacy to pick it up before Shabbat. I also have to work late today to get everything ready for a Monday event I'll be missing. I also have to shop and cook for Shabbat.
#pinsandneedles
Thursday, September 7, 2017
IVF 6: Day 11
I went in this morning for bloodwork and ultrasound. I mentioned to the doc doing my ultrasound that I've been exhausted. Her response was that it's normal but not much to do about it other than having an extra cup of coffee at 3pm. I wasn't really looking for a solution, but it was reassuring to hear it's an expected symptom which means it should go away when the cycle is over.
It will be down to the wire to see if trigger will be Friday or Saturday. Lead follicle measured at 19 and they like to see it at 21-22. If not triggering tomorrow I'll have to go in on Saturday for bloodwork, which means I'll have to find a friend to drive me. Very likely not going to go past Saturday. Good thing too because after tomorrow I'm out of meds.
So bloodwork results came back and definitely not triggering tonight. I go back tomorrow morning for day 12 monitoring.
I've stalled on my diet. Even though I'm still eating within my limited calories, I'm bloated and I think the weight loss is being replaced with bloat and fluid so they cancel each other out on the scale. I broke protocol and had an egg+cheese bagel this morning. I was so full it held me til lunch when I had coffee and an apple. The mild nausea keeps my appetite quiet. Drinking water is a chore but I force it down because if I get dehydrated my veins get flat which makes it difficult to get blood every day.
Hopefully only a few more days of this madness.
It will be down to the wire to see if trigger will be Friday or Saturday. Lead follicle measured at 19 and they like to see it at 21-22. If not triggering tomorrow I'll have to go in on Saturday for bloodwork, which means I'll have to find a friend to drive me. Very likely not going to go past Saturday. Good thing too because after tomorrow I'm out of meds.
So bloodwork results came back and definitely not triggering tonight. I go back tomorrow morning for day 12 monitoring.
I've stalled on my diet. Even though I'm still eating within my limited calories, I'm bloated and I think the weight loss is being replaced with bloat and fluid so they cancel each other out on the scale. I broke protocol and had an egg+cheese bagel this morning. I was so full it held me til lunch when I had coffee and an apple. The mild nausea keeps my appetite quiet. Drinking water is a chore but I force it down because if I get dehydrated my veins get flat which makes it difficult to get blood every day.
Hopefully only a few more days of this madness.
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
IVF 6: Day 10
I've been feeling bloated and tired. I came home from work at lunch to try to squeeze in a power nap but there was too much pressure to fall asleep and I was worried I'd sleep through the alarm. So it didn't happen. I don't feel myself being constantly tired and distracted. I also have a headache more often than not, some permanent low-grade nausea, and I think some fluid in my ear that's making me dizzy. I don't want to play this anymore. Ready to not be on shots anymore.
We finally pulled the trigger on two things that have been in the works for a while. First, we got a second car. Hooray! We found a 2015 fully-loaded car with only 12,000 miles on it but the 2017 new car in same make and model turned out to be the better deal because of all the incentives and better APR.
Second, I finally ordered new bedroom furniture. It's not getting delivered until mid-October. The exact model I wanted was on sale for Labor Day. When I saw that delivery was so far out I considered doing some more research and looking for something else that was available now, but I love the furniture I chose and didn't want to settle for something less. We had this furniture so long, what's another 6 weeks. I'm happy I didn't rush it. Excited!
We finally pulled the trigger on two things that have been in the works for a while. First, we got a second car. Hooray! We found a 2015 fully-loaded car with only 12,000 miles on it but the 2017 new car in same make and model turned out to be the better deal because of all the incentives and better APR.
Second, I finally ordered new bedroom furniture. It's not getting delivered until mid-October. The exact model I wanted was on sale for Labor Day. When I saw that delivery was so far out I considered doing some more research and looking for something else that was available now, but I love the furniture I chose and didn't want to settle for something less. We had this furniture so long, what's another 6 weeks. I'm happy I didn't rush it. Excited!
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
IVF 6: Day 9
Suddenly it's day 9. Monitoring this morning was delightfully uneventful.
I've been so tired it feels like maybe I missed part of this cycle. Maybe the meds are fresh and super potent? Maybe my diet is preventing the meds from getting diluted? I don't know what's causing it but I feel like things are progressing faster this time. I've been feeling sluggish and out of it. At any point today I could have put my head down on my desk and fallen asleep. Part of the exhaustion is that we're short a staff person at work and I've been picking up a lot of slack for that empty position while they interview.
I was a weird sort of exhausted-awake and felt like my eyeballs were too big for their sockets. As I typed this out I realized I've mentioned that symptom before, and lo and behold I sure did. I also found my Tips and Suggestions post I wrote a while back which is also helpful to keep in mind. Sometimes I forget things between cycles and it helps to have it all written out. Maybe when I'm not so tired I'll add more to it.
So day 12 is on Friday. I kind of hope we trigger then so that retrieval can be on Sunday. In the past I've triggered on day 14 but since things are moving slightly faster this time maybe it can happen. I'm kind of ready to get the recovery part started. I know recovery from retrieval will be painful and uncomfortable for a few days and I want it over with. I go back for bloodwork and ultrasound on Thursday.
I've been so tired it feels like maybe I missed part of this cycle. Maybe the meds are fresh and super potent? Maybe my diet is preventing the meds from getting diluted? I don't know what's causing it but I feel like things are progressing faster this time. I've been feeling sluggish and out of it. At any point today I could have put my head down on my desk and fallen asleep. Part of the exhaustion is that we're short a staff person at work and I've been picking up a lot of slack for that empty position while they interview.
I was a weird sort of exhausted-awake and felt like my eyeballs were too big for their sockets. As I typed this out I realized I've mentioned that symptom before, and lo and behold I sure did. I also found my Tips and Suggestions post I wrote a while back which is also helpful to keep in mind. Sometimes I forget things between cycles and it helps to have it all written out. Maybe when I'm not so tired I'll add more to it.
So day 12 is on Friday. I kind of hope we trigger then so that retrieval can be on Sunday. In the past I've triggered on day 14 but since things are moving slightly faster this time maybe it can happen. I'm kind of ready to get the recovery part started. I know recovery from retrieval will be painful and uncomfortable for a few days and I want it over with. I go back for bloodwork and ultrasound on Thursday.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
IVF 6: Day 7
Monitoring this morning took a while but was overall uneventful. One stick for blood. Total wait time was 50 min, normal for weekends especially around a holiday. Follicles are growing: largest at 12 and I'm starting Cetrotide in the morning. Progressing faster than previous cycles so maybe I'll stim less time? We'll see.
I went to get my mani/pedi this morning and got Essie's s'il vous plait on both hands and toes. I got a new girl - I don't mind trying new people, I'll give most people a shot. Pro is that she didn't nick me but cons is that she had trouble coloring in the lines and I had to fix it at home. I'll stick to my regular girl next time.
I've been exhausted the past few days. Friday night I fell asleep at 8:30 pm and slept until 6:00 am. This morning I had to wake up early for monitoring and fell asleep in the afternoon for an hour nap. I've been parched but drinking water takes so much effort. I know I need to keep drinking, but ugh.
I had a weird incident this evening. We went out to dinner with friends. Knowing we'd be eating out I saved up nearly all my calories for this evening. I had a half cup of cottage for breakfast and a bowl of cereal for lunch (total of 350ish calories). I ate what I would normally eat when we went out, but I also included snapple and tasted from all the extra dishes ordered for the table. We got a piece of chocolate cake to share among the entire group, so just a sweet bite at the end. As I was eating the cake I started to feel woozy. My hearing got dim and I felt like I was going to pass out. My husband looked at me and asked if I was ok. I wasn't - I felt terrible. I went with a friend to the ladies room and splashed some cold water on my face. I didn't know if I had to go to the bathroom or throw up, I just didn't feel right. As I walked around I started to feel better. I went back to the table but the place was crowded and I left the table twice more to walk around. The more time passed the better I felt.
It's been a few hours since and I feel totally fine. I think it was a significant spike in blood sugar that I didn't expect. I definitely overdid it on the eating and I think it shocked my system after the strict diet for the past few weeks. I have to be more careful about managing my calories better. Once the retrieval is behind us I'll continue the diet but a lot less strictly. I can't imagine this is healthy and I definitely don't want a repeat.
I'm hoping for a Sunday retrieval which means trigger on Friday. If numbers continue to progress as quickly we may not make it that far. I hope it's not a Saturday retrieval but if it is, then it is. Can't do anything about it. Friday retrieval would also be good. Better, actually, so I can have the weekend to recover. I go back on Tuesday so we'll see how things are progressing.
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| Color: S'il vous plait |
I've been exhausted the past few days. Friday night I fell asleep at 8:30 pm and slept until 6:00 am. This morning I had to wake up early for monitoring and fell asleep in the afternoon for an hour nap. I've been parched but drinking water takes so much effort. I know I need to keep drinking, but ugh.
I had a weird incident this evening. We went out to dinner with friends. Knowing we'd be eating out I saved up nearly all my calories for this evening. I had a half cup of cottage for breakfast and a bowl of cereal for lunch (total of 350ish calories). I ate what I would normally eat when we went out, but I also included snapple and tasted from all the extra dishes ordered for the table. We got a piece of chocolate cake to share among the entire group, so just a sweet bite at the end. As I was eating the cake I started to feel woozy. My hearing got dim and I felt like I was going to pass out. My husband looked at me and asked if I was ok. I wasn't - I felt terrible. I went with a friend to the ladies room and splashed some cold water on my face. I didn't know if I had to go to the bathroom or throw up, I just didn't feel right. As I walked around I started to feel better. I went back to the table but the place was crowded and I left the table twice more to walk around. The more time passed the better I felt.
It's been a few hours since and I feel totally fine. I think it was a significant spike in blood sugar that I didn't expect. I definitely overdid it on the eating and I think it shocked my system after the strict diet for the past few weeks. I have to be more careful about managing my calories better. Once the retrieval is behind us I'll continue the diet but a lot less strictly. I can't imagine this is healthy and I definitely don't want a repeat.
I'm hoping for a Sunday retrieval which means trigger on Friday. If numbers continue to progress as quickly we may not make it that far. I hope it's not a Saturday retrieval but if it is, then it is. Can't do anything about it. Friday retrieval would also be good. Better, actually, so I can have the weekend to recover. I go back on Tuesday so we'll see how things are progressing.
Friday, September 1, 2017
Freedom pharm saga
In July I did my due diligence and called several pharmacies to price out the medication for our upcoming cycle. Knowing we'd be paying out of pocket, I wanted to make sure we'd get the best discounts available. I called Freedom and got a price quote of x.
When I called again two weeks later the price changed to x + $2,000 for the same quantities. That's a huge difference. At that point it was to close to the cycle start and I needed the medication, so I lowered the dosage to be able to pay that day which came out to x + $1100 and asked to speak to a supervisor. I asked the supervisor to look into this because it was wrong to have been quoted so differently. I had prepared for x and suddenly there was a huge price increase, wtf. I was assured that it would get looked into and she would call me back. That was Friday, two weeks ago.
If you know anything about Freedom it's that their hold music/message is the most annoying thing on the planet. It seems that they got caught with an overload of calls these past two weeks because hold times have been insane - upward of 20 minutes. I was calling during breaks, between meetings, at lunchtime, in the evening. Sometimes I would sit on hold for 15 minutes before needing to hang up and get on with my day.
The incident happened on a Friday. I connected with someone Tuesday who assured me someone would call back, no one did. I connected again on Thursday and got the same empty promise. On Friday last week I sent an email to the help address I found on their website, no answer. On Monday of this week I called again and directly asked to speak to a supervisor. I spoke to someone who asked me for a few days to look into the matter and promised to call me back by Wed evening. She assured and reassured me multiple times that she would call back. She did not.
By Thursday morning, yesterday, I was so frustrated and fed up. I was also starting to worry because I was getting ready to order refills and I was out the $1100 from the earlier quote. My original order was never completed since I had to reduce quantities and I was going to run out medication soon. I was especially feeling a sense of urgency because of the holiday weekend coming up when they don't send out shipments.
I called again first thing Thursday morning, hoping to bypass the wait times. No, still a 10 min hold before anyone picked up. Once again I had to go through my whole story because every time I call someone new picks up the phone. The rep transferred me to the head honcho, everyone's supervisor. I went through the story with her too. She was reading the copious notes on my account while I talked. She said she needs to listen to the calls and get back to me. She promised that she will call back and I told her I want to believe her but have been burned before. She gave me her name and extension and reassured me that she will make this right.
Long story short, she did call back. She explained the original misunderstanding between the July quote and the actual order date. She refunded a portion of the original order amount and took my refill order to be delivered today. I asked her how I can avoid this saga in the future - I don't want to have to go through this again. IVF cycles are stressful enough. She said it was an issue on their end, especially with all those supervisors promising to call back and not following through. I didn't want to get anyone in trouble but that's really not right. Don't promise to call back if you don't intend to. She also gave me the concierge number to call in the future to bypass the hold times.
All in all it's still painful to pay so much money out of pocket and have to go through IVF so many times as it is. The least they could do is make the process of getting meds a little easier, especially since they're solely a fertility meds pharm! I'm glad this situation is over but it was a stressful two weeks trying to get it resolved. They say they pride themselves on their tradition of excellent customer service so it's a shame a few bad apples ruin that reputation. If you're ever having an issue with them, feel free to message me for the concierge or head honcho's extensions.
When I called again two weeks later the price changed to x + $2,000 for the same quantities. That's a huge difference. At that point it was to close to the cycle start and I needed the medication, so I lowered the dosage to be able to pay that day which came out to x + $1100 and asked to speak to a supervisor. I asked the supervisor to look into this because it was wrong to have been quoted so differently. I had prepared for x and suddenly there was a huge price increase, wtf. I was assured that it would get looked into and she would call me back. That was Friday, two weeks ago.
If you know anything about Freedom it's that their hold music/message is the most annoying thing on the planet. It seems that they got caught with an overload of calls these past two weeks because hold times have been insane - upward of 20 minutes. I was calling during breaks, between meetings, at lunchtime, in the evening. Sometimes I would sit on hold for 15 minutes before needing to hang up and get on with my day.
The incident happened on a Friday. I connected with someone Tuesday who assured me someone would call back, no one did. I connected again on Thursday and got the same empty promise. On Friday last week I sent an email to the help address I found on their website, no answer. On Monday of this week I called again and directly asked to speak to a supervisor. I spoke to someone who asked me for a few days to look into the matter and promised to call me back by Wed evening. She assured and reassured me multiple times that she would call back. She did not.
By Thursday morning, yesterday, I was so frustrated and fed up. I was also starting to worry because I was getting ready to order refills and I was out the $1100 from the earlier quote. My original order was never completed since I had to reduce quantities and I was going to run out medication soon. I was especially feeling a sense of urgency because of the holiday weekend coming up when they don't send out shipments.
I called again first thing Thursday morning, hoping to bypass the wait times. No, still a 10 min hold before anyone picked up. Once again I had to go through my whole story because every time I call someone new picks up the phone. The rep transferred me to the head honcho, everyone's supervisor. I went through the story with her too. She was reading the copious notes on my account while I talked. She said she needs to listen to the calls and get back to me. She promised that she will call back and I told her I want to believe her but have been burned before. She gave me her name and extension and reassured me that she will make this right.
Long story short, she did call back. She explained the original misunderstanding between the July quote and the actual order date. She refunded a portion of the original order amount and took my refill order to be delivered today. I asked her how I can avoid this saga in the future - I don't want to have to go through this again. IVF cycles are stressful enough. She said it was an issue on their end, especially with all those supervisors promising to call back and not following through. I didn't want to get anyone in trouble but that's really not right. Don't promise to call back if you don't intend to. She also gave me the concierge number to call in the future to bypass the hold times.
All in all it's still painful to pay so much money out of pocket and have to go through IVF so many times as it is. The least they could do is make the process of getting meds a little easier, especially since they're solely a fertility meds pharm! I'm glad this situation is over but it was a stressful two weeks trying to get it resolved. They say they pride themselves on their tradition of excellent customer service so it's a shame a few bad apples ruin that reputation. If you're ever having an issue with them, feel free to message me for the concierge or head honcho's extensions.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
IVF 6: Day 4
Monitoring this morning went well with one stick for blood and no major wait in traffic or waiting room (30 min total). They counted 13 follicles on the right and 11 on the left.
Freedom pharm saga is over. More in a separate post.
Freedom pharm saga is over. More in a separate post.
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
IVF 6: Day 3
We're cruising along. I feel like this cycle snuck up on me. I had to downplay it significantly to face it and suddenly we're in the middle of it. Maybe I'm just used to this by now that it's not as overwhelming.
I was trying to guess what day retrieval will be. In the past I've stimmed 12-13 days, with trigger most commonly on day 14. It's only 16 days total, from baseline to retrieval. In the grand scheme of things that's barely a blip on the radar. It's really the weeks before and after that extend it so much. For example, the two weeks after retrieval, feeling bloated and trying to get back to yourself physically, are really rough. That's also the time waiting for the hcg to leave your body and the return of your cycle. For us, it's also the time we wait for results of our PGD testing. The cycle technically lasts 16 days but in reality it's closer to a month if we know it was successful.
The beginning of August was when I started feeling like myself again, specifically after I got my first period post-miscarriage. It was like waking up from a deep fog that had taken over our entire existence for the previous two and a half months. It was part of the reason I needed to postpone the cycle. I just wasn't ready to start all over again.
In the interim I feel like I've grown a thicker skin. So what if we haven't had kids yet. It may happen. It may even not. We'll do our best and see where life leads us. The losses were sad; very sad. But it happens. It was a medical disappointment that happens in the world. It could still end happily for us. The sun still shines, the birds still sing, the world continues. I totally got this.
But then I started hormones and my rose-colored glasses shattered. The back to school videos and pictures completely unfazed me last week, but this week I get a pang in my gut whenever they show up on my newsfeed. I cleaned up our guest room and found some crayons left by my niece and got a lump in my throat. What really made me tear up is that I convinced myself that a family member is likely to announce a pregnancy soon. Their kid got to be the baby in the family for a while until a cousin was born. All these babies are growing up together and it bothers me so much that my kids are missing out because they haven't been born yet.
Which means I'm back to the danger spot of having hope. Hoping for success. Hoping it will work. Hoping this is it. The more I hope the harder the disappointment. This is only day 3... I'm going to be on a lot more hormones before it's all said and done.
So while it's "only" 13 days of hormones, each day feels like an eternity. Each minute is consumed with thoughts churning in my mind, alternating between what-ifs and worst case scenarios. GoT is over but I have reruns to keep me occupied. Conan is in Israel and his fb live posts are hilarious. I scheduled an outing with friends and am planning to get a mani/pedi for the weekend. I also got the cleaning crew to come scrub my house. I'm doing whatever it takes to stay happy and sane during these weeks, especially since stress-eating is not an option.
Speaking of diet news, I'm down two lbs from baseline, extending my cushion to 4.6 lbs. Instead of complaining about how much it sucks to diet right now, every time I get a craving I add it to a list and we'll party after retrieval. Looking forward!
I was trying to guess what day retrieval will be. In the past I've stimmed 12-13 days, with trigger most commonly on day 14. It's only 16 days total, from baseline to retrieval. In the grand scheme of things that's barely a blip on the radar. It's really the weeks before and after that extend it so much. For example, the two weeks after retrieval, feeling bloated and trying to get back to yourself physically, are really rough. That's also the time waiting for the hcg to leave your body and the return of your cycle. For us, it's also the time we wait for results of our PGD testing. The cycle technically lasts 16 days but in reality it's closer to a month if we know it was successful.
The beginning of August was when I started feeling like myself again, specifically after I got my first period post-miscarriage. It was like waking up from a deep fog that had taken over our entire existence for the previous two and a half months. It was part of the reason I needed to postpone the cycle. I just wasn't ready to start all over again.
In the interim I feel like I've grown a thicker skin. So what if we haven't had kids yet. It may happen. It may even not. We'll do our best and see where life leads us. The losses were sad; very sad. But it happens. It was a medical disappointment that happens in the world. It could still end happily for us. The sun still shines, the birds still sing, the world continues. I totally got this.
But then I started hormones and my rose-colored glasses shattered. The back to school videos and pictures completely unfazed me last week, but this week I get a pang in my gut whenever they show up on my newsfeed. I cleaned up our guest room and found some crayons left by my niece and got a lump in my throat. What really made me tear up is that I convinced myself that a family member is likely to announce a pregnancy soon. Their kid got to be the baby in the family for a while until a cousin was born. All these babies are growing up together and it bothers me so much that my kids are missing out because they haven't been born yet.
Which means I'm back to the danger spot of having hope. Hoping for success. Hoping it will work. Hoping this is it. The more I hope the harder the disappointment. This is only day 3... I'm going to be on a lot more hormones before it's all said and done.
So while it's "only" 13 days of hormones, each day feels like an eternity. Each minute is consumed with thoughts churning in my mind, alternating between what-ifs and worst case scenarios. GoT is over but I have reruns to keep me occupied. Conan is in Israel and his fb live posts are hilarious. I scheduled an outing with friends and am planning to get a mani/pedi for the weekend. I also got the cleaning crew to come scrub my house. I'm doing whatever it takes to stay happy and sane during these weeks, especially since stress-eating is not an option.
Speaking of diet news, I'm down two lbs from baseline, extending my cushion to 4.6 lbs. Instead of complaining about how much it sucks to diet right now, every time I get a craving I add it to a list and we'll party after retrieval. Looking forward!
Friday, August 25, 2017
IVF 6: Baseline
What a week!!! I had a mail-merge catastrophe at work where 94 letter templates needed to be edited in their entirety in two days. My whole office is out on vacation and I had an enormous and time-sensitive project to complete. I've been on an extremely limited diet in prep for baseline so I'm tired and hangry. And I didn't win the powerball lottery even though I bought two tickets. So ready for the weekend!
I went in for baseline this morning. It was ok and I'm working to process whether it was good or bad. Only one stick for blood: good. Pay out of pocket for a cycle: ouch. Ultrasound news: yikes.
It wasn't the ultrasound, per se, but the news the doctor shared during the appointment. My clinic has very strict bmi rules and apparently mine is too close to the limit. After our last loss in May I gained 12 lbs in addition to the 3 lbs of bloat I carried from the pregnancy. Looking back it was dumb to just let go but I was in no place to think about it at all under the cloud of grief. Once I got a grip, I was able to lose most of it but it's still not all gone. Would it be nice not to be so borderline? Sure. A lot of things would be nice, including the clinic not having such strict limits.
Technically speaking, I am under the limit and I am cleared to start. But I'm only under by 2.4 lbs. The concern is that the anesthesiologists at egg retrieval won't move forward if the bmi hits the max, which means that I only have a 2.4 lb cushion to work with. The doctor doesn't want me to be crushed if the cycle gets canceled if I go over, especially since some of it is beyond my control regarding bloat from the medication. For comparison, the other clinic we visited for a second opinion had a limit too, but it wasn't nearly as strict and I was 40 lbs away from it. Just saying.
It's up to us whether to risk it. If the cycle gets canceled before the retrieval we get an 85% refund from the clinic. The risk is that would be two weeks of hormones for nothing and of course there's no refund for the medication used, which was also paid for out of pocket.
The alternative is to wait to lose a few more lbs. The issue is that we're already on the border of the Jewish holidays which start 9/20. If we delay by a week I may lose 2 lbs but then retrieval will be really close to Rosh Hashanah, risking a holiday retrieval. So if we're delaying, it means delaying the entire cycle to after the holidays are done in October, which puts a retrieval at the start of November. I tried finagling the schedule to try to fit a cycle mid-holidays, but it's not possible. It's not just the egg retrieval day, it's also finding several consecutive days to go in for bloodwork every day and if I'm not driving because of the holidays there's just nothing that works. The only time it may work is risking a retrieval on yom kippur and that's just not an option. This is elective surgery and I can control the schedule - if I don't have to be in the hospital over the holidays I don't want to be there.
I'm on board to risk it. My husband wasn't so sure but eventually agreed. I prefer to go into it knowing there's a risk rather than waiting and doing nothing for two months. There's no chance I'll be able to maintain my strict diet over the holidays. There's also a chance that this cycle might be a complete bust and we'll have to do another cycle in October anyway - who knows!
I'll have to watch what I eat carefully for the next two weeks leading up to retrieval because excessive exercise is frowned upon when your ovaries are the size of tennis balls. It will be a hellish two weeks but then it will be behind us. And then I can celebrate with piles of Chinese food and doughnuts.
So... here we go. Shabbat shalom!
I went in for baseline this morning. It was ok and I'm working to process whether it was good or bad. Only one stick for blood: good. Pay out of pocket for a cycle: ouch. Ultrasound news: yikes.
It wasn't the ultrasound, per se, but the news the doctor shared during the appointment. My clinic has very strict bmi rules and apparently mine is too close to the limit. After our last loss in May I gained 12 lbs in addition to the 3 lbs of bloat I carried from the pregnancy. Looking back it was dumb to just let go but I was in no place to think about it at all under the cloud of grief. Once I got a grip, I was able to lose most of it but it's still not all gone. Would it be nice not to be so borderline? Sure. A lot of things would be nice, including the clinic not having such strict limits.
Technically speaking, I am under the limit and I am cleared to start. But I'm only under by 2.4 lbs. The concern is that the anesthesiologists at egg retrieval won't move forward if the bmi hits the max, which means that I only have a 2.4 lb cushion to work with. The doctor doesn't want me to be crushed if the cycle gets canceled if I go over, especially since some of it is beyond my control regarding bloat from the medication. For comparison, the other clinic we visited for a second opinion had a limit too, but it wasn't nearly as strict and I was 40 lbs away from it. Just saying.
It's up to us whether to risk it. If the cycle gets canceled before the retrieval we get an 85% refund from the clinic. The risk is that would be two weeks of hormones for nothing and of course there's no refund for the medication used, which was also paid for out of pocket.
The alternative is to wait to lose a few more lbs. The issue is that we're already on the border of the Jewish holidays which start 9/20. If we delay by a week I may lose 2 lbs but then retrieval will be really close to Rosh Hashanah, risking a holiday retrieval. So if we're delaying, it means delaying the entire cycle to after the holidays are done in October, which puts a retrieval at the start of November. I tried finagling the schedule to try to fit a cycle mid-holidays, but it's not possible. It's not just the egg retrieval day, it's also finding several consecutive days to go in for bloodwork every day and if I'm not driving because of the holidays there's just nothing that works. The only time it may work is risking a retrieval on yom kippur and that's just not an option. This is elective surgery and I can control the schedule - if I don't have to be in the hospital over the holidays I don't want to be there.
I'm on board to risk it. My husband wasn't so sure but eventually agreed. I prefer to go into it knowing there's a risk rather than waiting and doing nothing for two months. There's no chance I'll be able to maintain my strict diet over the holidays. There's also a chance that this cycle might be a complete bust and we'll have to do another cycle in October anyway - who knows!
I'll have to watch what I eat carefully for the next two weeks leading up to retrieval because excessive exercise is frowned upon when your ovaries are the size of tennis balls. It will be a hellish two weeks but then it will be behind us. And then I can celebrate with piles of Chinese food and doughnuts.
So... here we go. Shabbat shalom!
Friday, August 11, 2017
Thyroid
Doc from new clinic called last Friday regarding my thyroid testing with surprising results. The TSH came back at 2.98. Even though the normal range is up to 4.5 for regular people, both clinics like to see the number under 2.5 for women trying to get pregnant and during pregnancy. It's the first time my thyroid has been flagged at all abnormal.
Bright and early Monday morning I started stirring up some dust and placed calls to my RE, PCP, and OB/GYN to get values from previous TSH testings. It would have been mentioned in the past if something was elevated or abnormal, right? RE nurse was first to call back and my number was 2.09 in January earlier this year. I asked her to send me a lap slip to get it retested so that current clinic has accurate numbers before we start up again and I went for bloodwork Monday afternoon.
PCP called back and said my level was 3.81 in March - yikes!!! It was 2.01 the year prior. PCP mentioned that anything under 4.5 is considered normal and that she wouldn't put me on medication for 2.98. She said it can fluctuate greatly between labs so she recommended getting retested to make sure.
IVF 6 baseline was supposed to be on Monday. I'm not ready. I don't want to start yet. We don't have finances straightened out, I didn't place my medication order yet, and I'm not ready for the pain and discomfort, and I'm still working on losing weight. I could use another month or two off. But we want to get a cycle in before the holidays so that we can rest and recover during that time, not to mention trying to enjoy the holidays. I don't want to postpone a whole cycle to October but I also can't start a cycle next week. My nurse was out on vacation this week so I figured out the timeline with someone else. I needed an extra week. I wanted just a breather before we jump into it again. My RE said I could either do a 5th week of bc pills or have a mini menstrual cycle before starting which is what we chose. Even though it's a logistical niddah nightmare, I don't want to suppress too much before starting a stim cycle.
The summer is already starting to come to a close and I kind of feel cheated out of a break. We spent most of June and July grieving and recovering. I have a mental block in my mind about planning a vacation even though we could definitely use it and summer will be over before we know it. While I'm sad we didn't get to do any kind of trip or fun stuff, I'm kind of glad it's almost over. I need the pressure and questions of "are you going away this summer?" to end. There's no reason we can't plan getaways for the fall or winter or spring. Another post for another day.
My thyroid results came back from testing earlier this week: 1.91. So I guess it's not elevated? I'll bring it up to my RE before a transfer but it's interesting that there's so much fluctuation between labs. The tests were done 4 days apart.
IVF 6 baseline was moved to end of August, so we're gearing up to get started again.
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