Embryo records

I emailed my old RE for embryo reports and he sent back an obnoxious reply which upset me. If I wasn't already seeing another doctor it would have upset me even more.

When I asked for my file in the summer in prep for our second opinion, I got a copy for myself and went through it - all 450+ pages. One thing that wasn't included was egg or sperm quality and embryo grades. In fact no information was included at all about our embryos. I sent my RE an email requesting more information, explaining that I'd like to understand more about our recurrent losses and was specifically looking for the embryo reports. He sent back a lengthy response, unusual for him, which basically dismissed the idea that the embryo reports would give me the answers I'm looking for.

For one, he likes to blame stats. He claims that on average 30% of fertilized embryos make it to blast. I wanted to know why my numbers were so much lower, closer to 10% in some cycles (i.e., going from 18 fertilized to 2 blasts?).  I'm not asking him about the ones that get lopped off from the genetic testing; we know there will be attrition due to what we're screening out. I'm talking about the ones that haven't even gotten to that point. His answer was that there may be factors with the egg or sperm or uterus but that they've tested "for everything." Seeing our new doctor I just know for a fact that that's simply not true. It's frustrating to hear that from his perspective this might be the end of the line. If we were less motivated we might have even believed it.

Beside that, he suggested my weight could be blamed for the failure of our cycles. It's such bullshit because if my weight was actually an issue they wouldn't have done any treatment on me. The clinic has strict BMI guidelines and doesn't proceed unless you're well below them. They pull the plug at baseline if you're near the limit with no cushion. I was below for all procedures and treatments. So if they did treatment on me, it means it wasn't a factor. Not only that, but it also means they've done treatment on other women with my BMI and if it was such an issue they would have modified the guidelines instead of continuing to use the current limits. It's also bullshit because the new clinic also has BMI guidelines and I'm nearly 40 lbs away from that limit. People much heavier than me get pregnant and carry healthy pregnancies to term all the time. I'm not saying it can't help to lose weight and I'm not saying we know for sure it's not a factor; I am saying that his excuse is super lame and the way it was presented felt dismissive and callous.

He literally suggested I ask for copies of my record and go elsewhere for another opinion. Translation: we're giving up on you because you're ruining our stats. This is a world class clinic and this is the advice they're handing out.

I didn't vent any of my frustration via email. I know everything gets recorded in my permanent file, including email communications. I don't know how long this journey will be and how many future doctors will see my records. I kept it civil and stayed on point: I want my embryo records. He responded that it's included in my medical record. Since I read it and I know that's not true, I persisted. Long story short, my nurse is on it and I will plan to pick up copies when I go back to check hcg later this week.

I'm focused on the bigger picture. I don't have to prove anything to him. I need to move on from spending another second of energy on him and focus on building my family. He can't help me so he's just out of the picture. Done. Out. Gone.