2018 Year In Review and blogaversary

It's been the most difficult and most eventful year yet. We started out with a big trip followed by a hysteroscopy in prep for our sixth FET which ended in disaster and led to the official switch to a new RE.

Our visit to the new RE set a whole bunch of things in motion:
- I saw an endocrinologist to take care of my thyroid
- We saw a male infertility urologist who recommended varicocele repair surgery
- We visited a recurrent pregnancy loss specialist and got through his recommended punch list
- I was put on vitamins and fish oil for three months in prep for IVF 8
- A second hysteroscopy was done in addition to a special stain test that found micro inflammation resulting in multiple rounds of antibiotics to treat it
- For the third time, I did the ERA test, this time in a natural cycle

And now here we are getting ready for our next transfer. We were told that we have officially reached our lifetime maximum of fertility benefits so everything from here on will be out of pocket. Not fun to hear.

This also brings my blog to three full years. I started writing over winter break 2015-16 and went live the first week of January. At the time it obviously didn't occur to me that I'd still be writing about failures and treatment three years later. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and unload when things feel overwhelming. I've tried therapy when I needed something during my lowest points. Even though it was with a person who specialized in infertility and had gone through it herself, it didn't feel helpful. Maybe because it wasn't the right person or maybe it was when things were "unexplained" and transfers keep failing it felt impractical to discuss something that had no known answers. It was also weird to get to a specific realization and wanting to explore it but then be told that time is up and losing momentum.

With blogging, I can take as much time as I want to formulate thoughts, chew through different ideas, rehash experiences as many times as I need, and then have something to go back to later on with fresh eyes and build on it. Writing is like talking to a friend with infinite patience - a finite resource in people. The main drawback is that writing doesn't sympathize or encourage so that where friends come in to complete the support system. Sometimes I wish I knew more people blogging or more people going through this. All the people I followed or talked to when I first started have either had success or stopped writing entirely.

We took chances in 2018. Took a leap of faith in switching to a new doctor; took up a new hobby in pottery; took charge of my overall health in getting my thyroid and blood pressure under control; made working out a priority. We took the trip we kept talking about and got the much-needed vacation even though it was a big expense.

I'm not a fan of New Years resolutions but I do believe that writing down goals helps achieve them. In 2019 I want to somehow find funds to renovate our bathroom and redo our first level floors. I'd like to explore more about my career and it's vague because I'm not yet sure what that means. We need to get mentally and financially prepared for the next FET. I want to continue making working out a priority of at least 30 min three times a week and add to that eating better. If weight loss comes along with that, all the better. I'd like to get better at working with clay and I want embrace the attitude of gratitude.

Happy New Year.