ERA/EMMA

On Friday I went in for the biopsy. It was a short day and even though I took the day off work I crammed in a lot of errands after the appointment so I never had a chance to type it up.

My appointment was scheduled for 9 am. The waiting room still had a few monitoring stragglers but they seemed to be running on time. The doctor called me back herself, not a nurse or a med assistant. They first did the obligatory pee stick test to make sure there's no pregnancy. By the time we were settled it was about 9:30 am when the actual biopsy was taken. I've had it 4 times before (once while under during this past summer's hysteroscopy) so I knew what to expect.

As the doctor and nurse were getting things ready, we chatted about next steps and she answered a few of my questions. We went over paperwork, signed a few forms, and did the procedure. They needed to go back in a second time because there are several samples going out to a few places and they wanted to make sure to have enough. It's so uncomfortable and painful as they're doing it - the best I can describe it is getting so cramped up that it feels like you might have to poop even if you don't have to go. It's a weird feeling. As soon as they stop the pain goes away and is replaced with period cramps that get milder as time goes on. I didn't even cry this time from the procedure.

Then we talked specifically about the results. If it comes back that the inflammation is cleared up, then the next step is a transfer. If not, then we'll take the information the results give and apply it next cycle, pushing a transfer to late-Jan or later (depending on what treatment is needed). My doctor said that at that point she herself will be on maternity leave. I said congratulation and smiled - genuinely happy for her. She said she'll still be involved and will give me her cell number. At that point I started to crumble. It was partially a delayed reaction to the hurting procedure, partially because she just cares so much. I started to tear up, and when I knew the waterworks were coming, I knew I could no longer talk without going into full sobbing. She thought that I was upset because I was feeling abandoned but it was the opposite - I so much appreciated how much she cared. She said that if my transfer happens to fall out during her leave that she'll try to come in for it. I managed to squeak out, oh you don't have to do that. To which she responded that she wants to. That just made more tears come and all I could do was nod.

The doctor left and the nurse was finishing up with the packing of the biopsy. She brought me tissues and said she understand how hard this is because it took her six years to get pregnant. She said, "I was on that table 19 years ago." When she left I let myself cry for real while I got dressed. I took a minute to calm down and left. Cried some more in the car. I've repeated the story a few times over Friday and it makes me tear up every time.

It wasn't the physical pain of the procedure that got to me; it was 100% the emotional part. It's a really hard journey. Finding a doctor who is so committed and professional and exudes so much care at the same time is truly a blessing.

One second of the exchange with my new doctor was more compassion we've had during our three years at the old clinic combined. Speaking of, on Friday morning I randomly received a check-in email from my last nurse at the old clinic asking what's up. I'm debating whether or not to answer. I don't really owe them anything, let alone an answer. On the other hand maybe I want them to know that they missed such an important piece of my treatment.

So now we wait a few weeks for results and see where the path leads us next.