Taking on a dependent adult with special needs has turned our entire life upside down. Doctor appointments, program scheduling, ride coordination, finances, construction on our home, setting them up a new life in a new state. All this on top of the regular chaos of the life that we actually signed up for.
I have so much anger about it. So much resentment that this adult person's parents didn't take the time to make the arrangements needed during their lifetimes. I can't take out the resentment on the individual; it's not their fault. It's also not their fault that they can't do things for themselves. I don't want it coming out on my kids or at work so it burns up the bit of energy I have to just keep it from exploding.
I have the personality and skills to take this on but I'm resentful that I have to and that I was given no choice or say in the matter. I'm frustrated that the responsibility lies on my shoulders and since I don't do things half-assed it will get done correctly at a cost to myself or my family. There is a finite amount of my energy, resources, and time and I'm frustrated I need to spend it on this because someone else dropped the ball. I'm the glue and I'm coming apart.
It feels wrong to complain. It feels like by complaining I'm not grateful for the good parts of what's happening in our life at the same time. It feels like I'm taking for granted the good parts of life that haven't been affected by this. So I'm not sure how to vent. Or to whom.
You know how sometimes people do crazy things to their hair (get bangs) when they're feeling like they need to get some control? I left my hair alone but I got some piercings. I tried therapy but it wasn't helping.