Reconsidering #firstworldproblems

I woke up yesterday feeling emotionally blah. I got on the scale and felt heavy. I had to go back to work after being on break for a long stretch and really didn't feel like it. As I savored the last hours of vacation I let dishes and laundry accumulate so the house had a cluttered feel. I was annoyed about the probiotic suppositories that weren't fully dissolving. I was feeling sorry for myself as petty and annoying as my complaints were. After work I was mentally exhausted from being around people all day and just got in bed where I stayed the whole evening.

This morning I woke up assuming it was going to be the same kind of blah day as yesterday, at least until I get back to routine. As I do every morning, I did a cursory check around my social media feeds and saw that one of the people I follow broke up her engagement. I remember gasping because of how shocking and devastating that news is; just hours earlier she was talking about flower girl dresses and sharing sheva brachot outfits. For months she talked about how it took her a while to find someone but this guy was worth the wait. I'm so sad for her.

When I got to work I saw a post on fb that linked to an article of a rabbi suffering from ALS. As I read more and more I found his blog posts and his wife's blog posts about being the main caretaker to him and their children. The story is so incredibly heartbreaking: in 2013 he was diagnosed and over the next 18 months his mobility disintegrated so much that he is now confined to a bed on a ventilator using only his eyes to communicate. His beautiful warrior of a wife posts about the difficulties of surviving each day.

Just now I checked Instagram and saw a different food instagrammer I follow talk about today being the first birthday of the baby she lost in April. It's unclear what the cause was, but since he was barely twelve weeks old I assume it was SIDS. Heartbreaking.

Some people don't understand the connections made via blogs, social media, or other online venues. I've made some best friends, husband included, through the internet so it's not hard for me to sympathize when a blogger gets devastating news or an instagrammer shares a personal tragedy. Our strength as humans is the ability to empathize and strengthen each other as we each navigate our own journey.

I recognize that my #firstworldproblems of having to go back to work after a long break is spoiled and entitled; I know I'm incredibly lucky to not only have a job but also the opportunity to have the occasional break from said employment. It's not that I'm comparing my challenge to anyone else's but learning about others' struggle helps give perspective. I have each of these people in mind today, praying that whatever challenge they are facing is a slightly less heavy burden because they chose to reach out to the world and share it with those who care.

So instead of continuing to feel sorry for myself I decided it's up to me to take action on the things I can control. I did the dishes and a load of laundry. I started a new eating plan with a renewed effort at actual weight loss. I emailed my doctor for reassurance about the suppositories. There is so much beyond my control, but there are also things I can control and those are what I can focus my efforts on in the coming year.