Disclaimer: After writing it, I realized this post got a little technical. This blog is an outlet to sort out my feelings and chronicle our journey. But it's also public and online and searchable. I try to balance limiting personal details while still being true to the content, which is mainly about my private parts and a difficult chapter of our life. In any case, if this goes over your head feel free to skip it. If you found this blog because you're googling the same issues and you might find this helpful, welcome.
Healing from the hysteroscopy is ongoing. As of today there is still spotting. For someone who keeps the laws of taharat hamishpacha this has been a challenge. The procedure needed to happen between days 5 and 12 of my cycle. That's literally the shiva nekiim, which means a potential issue for mikvah.
I know enough about the laws that I understand where there is leniency. There are three non-negotiable bedikot that need to occur for a kosher tevila: hefsek, day 1, and day 7. I got the first two as well as an additional few days up until the morning of the procedure - all were fine. After the procedure I refrained from doing bedikot, knowing they would be compromised. I knew that day 7 might be an issue because of the procedure. I also understood that even if I can't get a clean bedika on day 7, there is leniency to wait an additional day and use days 2 and 8 or even 3 and 9 as first and last. The caveat it that there cant be more than 5 days between the bedikot and so if spotting continued, I couldn't use day 3 and 11, for example.
Day 7 comes around and I'm still seeing staining when wiping. It's very mild but enough to convince me that there's no way I'd get a clean bedika. I considered just waiting it out. Surely this will subside in the next day or so - the last hysteroscopy didn't last nearly this long so maybe just a day or so extra is needed. Then I decided that there is no reason to be stringent for no reason and I reached out to someone more knowledgeable.
I needed an answer before sunset. Due to the time sensitive nature of the question I decided to call the yoatzot hotline. I was connected with a lovely woman who was able to answer my question. According to the rav that runs nishmat, staining from a known procedure is considered dam makkah and therefore doesn't invalidate the bedika. I was advised to do the bedika and if I see anything other than bright red to assume its dam makkah and disregard. I'm glad I called and didn't just assume it was a no.
I made it to the mikvah on time and was able to dunk. I barely got home and the spotting restarted. According to the doctor we were supposed to refrain from sex until spotting stopped. The same holds true for halacha even though I was no longer nidda. I waited until spotting was done for at least 24 hours before calling the green light. However the next day spotting was back on and hasn't stopped since. It's so mild I don't even need a liner, I just see it on the paper.
On Friday I emailed the doctor if it's normal to still be crampy and spotting. Her answer was that yes it's very normal up to a week. It's now 10 days. I'm concerned and don't like it at all. I'm not going to email again since my appointment for the post op is on Wednesday so I can mention it then.
I feel pretty confident in my knowledge and ability to diagnose and address my own questions. But when a situation comes up like this, I am grateful to have the resources available from an organization that's set up to help people do this mitzvah. It's uplifting to have this support system set in place. Instead of sighing in frustration and giving up, I can lean on a more knowledgeable person to help me through it.
I know enough about the laws that I understand where there is leniency. There are three non-negotiable bedikot that need to occur for a kosher tevila: hefsek, day 1, and day 7. I got the first two as well as an additional few days up until the morning of the procedure - all were fine. After the procedure I refrained from doing bedikot, knowing they would be compromised. I knew that day 7 might be an issue because of the procedure. I also understood that even if I can't get a clean bedika on day 7, there is leniency to wait an additional day and use days 2 and 8 or even 3 and 9 as first and last. The caveat it that there cant be more than 5 days between the bedikot and so if spotting continued, I couldn't use day 3 and 11, for example.
Day 7 comes around and I'm still seeing staining when wiping. It's very mild but enough to convince me that there's no way I'd get a clean bedika. I considered just waiting it out. Surely this will subside in the next day or so - the last hysteroscopy didn't last nearly this long so maybe just a day or so extra is needed. Then I decided that there is no reason to be stringent for no reason and I reached out to someone more knowledgeable.
I needed an answer before sunset. Due to the time sensitive nature of the question I decided to call the yoatzot hotline. I was connected with a lovely woman who was able to answer my question. According to the rav that runs nishmat, staining from a known procedure is considered dam makkah and therefore doesn't invalidate the bedika. I was advised to do the bedika and if I see anything other than bright red to assume its dam makkah and disregard. I'm glad I called and didn't just assume it was a no.
I made it to the mikvah on time and was able to dunk. I barely got home and the spotting restarted. According to the doctor we were supposed to refrain from sex until spotting stopped. The same holds true for halacha even though I was no longer nidda. I waited until spotting was done for at least 24 hours before calling the green light. However the next day spotting was back on and hasn't stopped since. It's so mild I don't even need a liner, I just see it on the paper.
On Friday I emailed the doctor if it's normal to still be crampy and spotting. Her answer was that yes it's very normal up to a week. It's now 10 days. I'm concerned and don't like it at all. I'm not going to email again since my appointment for the post op is on Wednesday so I can mention it then.
I feel pretty confident in my knowledge and ability to diagnose and address my own questions. But when a situation comes up like this, I am grateful to have the resources available from an organization that's set up to help people do this mitzvah. It's uplifting to have this support system set in place. Instead of sighing in frustration and giving up, I can lean on a more knowledgeable person to help me through it.
Oh no. please don't ever apologize for the content of your blog. Since I don't pay to read blogs, I don't get to dictate the content. Actually, part of why I read your blog is to learn more about what it is like to deal with infertility and maintain your religious beliefs. I was happy to learn that your rabbi will waive religious requirements sometimes if you need a timed procedure to happen during religious days, and I think its lovely that hotlines exist to help you navigate the rules of visiting the mikvah when you are undergoing medical procedures (this is much better than how my lapsed religion, Catholicism, deals with infertility. I always felt badly for women who couldn't try IVF because the church forbids it, even donor embryos.)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to get an answer that made things easier for you. I'm glad you reached out! I hope your spotting and cramping stops soon.
ReplyDelete