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What a weekend! I had lots of wine, sushi, and deli - yum! Stocking up for what will hopefully be a long hiatus from those. I did the grocery shopping for the week and for Shavuot. I also started cooking and stocking the freezer. Over the weekend our AC conked out so now the house is incredibly hot and they can't get anyone here sooner than Wednesday to fix it.

I started today full of hope and excitement. I organized the house yesterday and sorted through all the mail in prep for the cleaning company today. I had the good kind of nervous butterflies all morning and texted my husband about it. Then my RE called around lunchtime with a random clinical question and after taking care of that, I was like, "Hey doc, while I got you on the phone..." and I asked whether there was a plan in case this transfer doesn't work. The conversation left me worried and anxious.

In general my doctor has an ok bedside manner but sometimes I feel like he's annoyed at me for asking questions. I don't care. We pay a lot of money for treatment and it's his job to answer whatever questions I have. This is the third FET of a strong, healthy, PGS-tested, 6 day blast. We're literally giving these embryos the best chance possible and success rates range around 60% so if there's something else that can be done to help it succeed, I want to know about it. According to my chart, everything is ok with lining and bloodwork, and there's no visible reason for it not to work. I asked what the plan is if it doesn't work and at first he kind of avoided the question, instead suggesting that we should be positive and hope for the best. After I pressed, he said can recommend an invasive test for $850 where they biopsy my uterus lining for two cycles in a row to try and get some answers as to why the embryos don't stick. Besides sounding painful and invasive, it doesn't sound like he thinks it will give any conclusive answers. I hope it doesn't get to that.

I had the house cleaned today and I love that it's all clean, even though it's hot. I also had my massage this evening and I feel ready. Hopefully the AC repair guys will find a quick fix for the AC in time to get it working for the long weekend. I have guests coming and I don't want to cancel but will if it's too hot - I wouldn't subject anyone to that.

I talked to a friend about my anxieties and it helped calm me down. It also happens to be Erev Rosh Chodesh Sivan and someone on FB posted that it's a special time to daven for children. I found the prayer online in Hebrew and English which is called A Parent's Prayer . It applies to parents-to-be as well, and I got choked up at, "Hear my plea and grant me sons and daughters" in the second paragraph. I know it's all up to Him and regardless of what I do it's He who decides whether we will merit having kids of our own.

Tomorrow is Rosh Chodesh Sivan and I plan to get up early in time to daven and say hallel. I'm grateful we got to this point and I appreciate all the good we've been given every step of the way. We're lucky we have three embryos to transfer and I feel blessed that we got this far. I hope that it is in His plan to help this FET be successful.