Yay

The last week and a half were stressful. Just a lot of stuff going on. Having a lot of stressful things behind me makes me happy.

I really love The Good Place. Last night we caught up with S3 finale and we're still texting each other quotes from the show and giggling. It's such a good show and the character Janet brings me so much joy. I loved Parks and Rec and I hope this show continues on for a long time. Well done, Mike Schur (creator of both).

It's been a month since I focused on better eating and I'm down 13.6 lbs. It was a recent gain after I was on antibiotics multiple times in the fall so I'm glad it's gone. It was alarming at how quickly it can get packed on. It wasn't a steady decrease: it was down some then up some then up and down a few more times until this morning I felt I needed the accountability and finally stepped on the scale. I know I shouldn't equate happiness with the scale but that's easier said than done. Also, in my usual worrier-self I let a moment of doubt creep in thinking, "Oh no, unexpected weight loss can be a bad sign of something seriously wrong" but then knocked it down with reminding myself that I've been purposely eating mainly vegetables and protein, and a lot less baked goods. Plus I had the stomach bug last weekend. In any case, the scale seems to fluctuate so much that tomorrow might be a completely different story. Today I am pleased.

I'm also starting to accept the eventuality of the transfer. At first I was caught off guard because after months of delaying we finally got the all-clear. I wasn't expecting it and wasn't ready. I'm still too superstitious to calculate gestation weeks or due date post-transfer, but right now I feel guilt-free estimating and calculating when trimesters would be based on a hypothetical transfer date. Thinking that it might work and going through the positive what-ifs brings me happiness. I know it's a dangerous game but impossible not to think ahead like that if you're trying to convince yourself that it will happen. Why else would you go through it again?

I know the risks. I know what could happen. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared.

But I know we can't succeed if we don't try. So we have to try. We have to do our part to help it succeed. Our part is having faith and going through the procedure again while hoping for a different outcome than the last 6 times.

Also, it's Shabbat and superbowl weekend! I have no skin in the game - I have no idea who is playing or how the game is even played but I know I like superbowl food and Maroon 5.  Shabbat shalom!