Sinking

Since I've been fully vaccinated, and after both my husband and I tested negative for COVID-19 after a short voluntary quarantine, we were finally welcomed into the family pod. It's been great to have playmates for our boy to play with. There's a difference of mind in our pod and I'm struggling. 

Some believe that we must follow CDC guidelines to the letter. Those guidelines, as of Feb 18, 2021, state: "COVID-19 Cases are Extremely High. Avoid Events and Gatherings. COVID-19 cases, hospitalizations, and deaths are extremely high across the United States. To decrease your chance of getting and spreading COVID-19, CDC recommends that you do not gather with people who do not live with you at this time. Attending events and gatherings increases your risk of getting and spreading COVID-19. Stay home to protect yourself and others from COVID-19."

Some others in the pod believe that since a large portion of the adults of our pod are fully vaccinated (some only had one shot; kids none obvs), if we take all the necessary precautions such as fully masking and keeping distance, it should be ok to gather indoors for a short amount of time with people outside the pod. Among the fully vaccinated, there are those of the opinion that we can hang out indoors unmasked with members of the pod.

I feel like there is a disconnect between science-based facts and baseless fear with unnecessary isolation. We can no longer rely solely on common sense and our judgement is bias because we're exhausted by decision fatigue. At the same time there are no clear rules about what's allowed now that some of us are immunized. 

In short, this is leading up to the current argument we're having. There's a social occasion happening this weekend I'd like to attend which happens to be at the building I work. I believe it's safe for me to go. I'm in the building for work regularly; masks will be worn by all attendees; I'm fully vaccinated +2 weeks have passed since my last dose; social distancing will be maintained; I don't plan to stay long. 

Short term concern is getting kicked out of the pod. The long term and more serious concern is getting an extremely contagious virus and passing it on to unvaccinated family members. 

My mental health has been sinking and I feel like this is a form of self-care. Taking control of a situation in which we have no control. We're staring down the anniversary of a year of isolation and pain... to me going to an event with seemingly minimal risk seems like the ultimate f-u in the face of a pandemic that stole so much from so many. 

But maybe that's the temptation. Letting our guard down now seems like giving up after spending so many months with cracked hands and foggy glasses and anxious news reports. I don't know the answer and I'm tired of arguing about it. I'm tired of all of it. I'm just sad and tired.