Rosh Hashana 5779

Sunday evening was the first night of Rosh Hashana, the Jewish new year. In past years I've posted about the upcoming holiday and our hopes for the coming year, but I wasn't feeling it this year.

I feel like I came into the holiday with a different perspective this year. Not defeated, but one of acceptance. Whatever will be, will be. I will pray for what I hope will happen, but I know that ultimately it's not up to me. It's not within my control.

An older friend lost her husband last week. He was in his 40s or 50s and ill from chemo but the passing was incredibly sudden and completely unexpected. She is devastated. The burial took place in Israel right before Rosh Hashana. Shiva was observed locally and when I went to see her she was fiddling with his wedding band and holding on to one of his shirts while sobbing.

I know things can turn in an instant. For good or otherwise. I think this friend's crisis brought that home for me. Only He is in control and He is the one that decides. I can only do my best. I go to my appointments, take my medications, and pray for the best outcome possible. The rest is up to Him. In the meantime, I don't want to take the blessings I have for granted. Somewhere deep down I still have hope. I don't think I'm numb but I do feel more reserved with my emotions.

I'm still hopeful; I still want things to work out; there are still things I pray for. But this year I didn't go into the year with the blind optimism of before. It's been a tough year, weighed down by the baggage of past losses. I feel very grateful for the blessings we've been given and I've turned the focus on finding the happiness for what we do have.

May this year bring happiness, health, prosperity, success, and luck.