Persistent Endometritis

Yesterday I drafted a post about how drained I was feeling. Emotionally exhausted and mentally spent. The constant rain, the seemingly endless holidays, the lack of routine, and the perpetual wait for results all having something to do with my mood.

But I didn't post it because it didn't feel fleshed out. I feel numb in many ways, but then I'll get a burst of energy and get so much done. I watched part of the hearings yesterday and felt a slew of emotions not only for those testifying, but for all of America and how broken the country is right now. I felt like my personal fatigue is a luxury our nation can't afford. That sounds more dramatic than I mean, but the post has a complainy vibe to it that I wasn't happy with so I put it aside to maybe look at again with fresh eyes.

Then this morning I got a results update from my second CD138 stain and it came back showing persistent endometritis. Of course. I'm in the 20% of the population that didn't have it cleared up with the first go around of antibiotics so they're putting me on a stronger dose for twice the time.

As numb as I thought I was, there's nothing like being told there's a delay to bring on the sting of tears. I'm obviously on board with wanting to clear this up before moving forward. The more it comes up the more convinced I am that this is probably the cause of our RPL. Still. That doesn't soften the blow of knowing that we've just added another month+ to the wait before a transfer. What happens if it doesn't clear up? I asked my doctor that question even though the answer scares me.

I feel lucky and conflicted at the same time. I feel lucky that we have something tangible and (hopefully) fixable that we can work on. We have a defined plan and timeline to hold on to while we wait. Having to wait in between cycles is really hard but at least there's a finish line. It's difficult that the finish line keeps moving. So long as it's somewhat visible, though, there's still hope. 

I'm waiting to hear back how long after the ab treatment, if any wait, is needed before they can retest. I'm preparing to be told that they want at least a few weeks after the end of treatment before another biopsy, which delays it more by yet another month.

The original schedule was:
Aug retrieval
Sept CD138 retest
Oct ERA
Nov transfer

Now we're looking at:
Oct antibiotics treatment
Nov CD138 retest again
Dec ERA
Jan transfer

This requires an infinite amount of patience, hope, and stamina which I just don't have right now. Maybe I'll find some calm at the bottom of a pint of ice cream.