Pre-transfer jitters

I finally broke out the aerobic step I bought a few months ago. It's embarrassing how long it took me to get motivated enough to actually use it. But I did and, along with a great YouTube video, I worked up an awesome sweat before work. They say one good deed leads to another and it's true for this too, because I even took the time to prep breakfast and pack a healthy lunch. 

My new diet philosophy is 5/2: eat well 5 days during the work week and then enjoy the weekend with less restrictions. I see the most results when I low-carb but it's hard to keep that up for too long at a time, so this might be a good compromise. I've definitely enjoyed the weekend so now it's time to do the 5 'good' days. I feel like it's easier to be more structured at work so we'll see how it goes. I'm also using the free app from myfitnesspal.com and it's really helping to keep me accountable.

Today the clinic called to give us the exact time for the transfer. They always have egg retrieval surgeries in the morning and then after lunch they do transfers. The schedule depends on how many egg retrievals they will do that day, and that depends on today's bloodwork from monitoring. From past experience I knew that the surgery schedule comes out around 4 PM.

Shots are going fine. I think my butt is getting numb quicker this time because of past damage to the area from previous PIOs. It used to alarm me when the area went numb after several shots, but now I'm just embracing it and trusting that it will eventually wake up again. I was hoping it would make shots less painful but it doesn't. #itiswhatitis

Last transfer I did a recap so I can remember what I did. I'm already doing most of it - trying to eat healthy and keeping active at least 3x/week. I'm eating pineapple because I like it, so it's part of my regular snack rotation. I'm debating whether to buy pom juice and nuts again... I doubt they did anything the first time and I didn't really enjoy them. I guess it will be a game time decision when I go grocery shopping tomorrow. I booked my massage for the day before transfer. I feel like it helped me relax so for that reason it was worth it. Whether or not it helped otherwise I'll never know, but I feel like I'm doing something proactive to try to help implantation. And then there's the added day of PIO before transfer, thanks to two ERA cycles, two biopsies, and nearly $2k later. I hope that this is the ultimate trick that helps this work.

I'm anxious and excited. It's hard to put into words how much I want this to work. It's hard to admit how much I want it to work because for some reason it feels like that much more of a failure if it doesn't.