I'm glad I took Friday off. The mental break helped a lot. I stayed home today too while my husband went to shul. I bought the food for shabbat and we spent a quiet day at home. We talked about all the possible options we know about. We have our questions for the doctor. I hope we're on our way to crawling out of this depression.
In the afternoon some visitors came by. One pulled me aside and offered to be a surrogate. Huh? What?? I was so taken aback. I know it was a genuine offer of help. I know she thought it was an innocent suggestion. It came from a good place. But it really, really upset me.
To the blogger who posted about this a few months ago about a family member offering to be a surrogate, I apologize for not being more offended on your behalf! I didn't understand until now. The more I think about it the angrier it makes me.
I need to focus on healing and getting revved up to do this all again. When I hear a suggestion like that, it makes me think that you've easily given up on me.
To the blogger who posted about this a few months ago about a family member offering to be a surrogate, I apologize for not being more offended on your behalf! I didn't understand until now. The more I think about it the angrier it makes me.
I need to focus on healing and getting revved up to do this all again. When I hear a suggestion like that, it makes me think that you've easily given up on me.
Thinking about surrogacy is a huge, intense decision. It takes deep, meaningful conversations and coming to terms with some serious sacrifices. Women don't turn to surrogacy lightly and to throw it out there is just.... hurtful.
I don't know what our path holds. We may or may not consider different options in the future. For now, that's not where we are. I'm not ungrateful that someone cares enough to offer it; I'm just not in a place where I am ready to hear it.
For the time being, if your opinion is about adoption or surrogacy, please keep those thoughts to yourself.
I don't know what our path holds. We may or may not consider different options in the future. For now, that's not where we are. I'm not ungrateful that someone cares enough to offer it; I'm just not in a place where I am ready to hear it.
For the time being, if your opinion is about adoption or surrogacy, please keep those thoughts to yourself.
Oh the surrogate offer. Yeah, I got one from my sister and it totally offended me even though I know she was coming from a good place. But still! If you don't know that's my particular issue then don't offer! I totally get you on this.
ReplyDeleteI still don't quite get why it hit such a nerve, but it really upset me at the time. I'm over it enough to not bring it up but I already know that if it's brought up again by someone else I'll mention my feelings on the matter.
DeleteLast year, after my third loss and the holidays, one of my best friends called me and offered to be a surrogate for us. We had never discussed that before - she knew we were having genetic testing done, but we didn't have any answers yet. She just wanted us to know that if the test results indicated a surrogate was the only option that she was offering and would do it for free. I was a little taken aback, as we had never discussed it, but I think with all things infertility/pregnancy loss, people in general aren't sure what to say or how to say it because it's still such a "taboo" subject. In the end I knew its was coming from a kind, generous place even though it shocked me a bit. And we knew the option was open to us with her if we needed it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it is upsetting to hear people mention surrogacy so soon after the chemical pregnancy. The timing was a bit off for sure - you certainly need to process the loss, speak with doctors about next steps and any additional testing or protocols, etc. I understand why it isn't even on your radar!