The fact that we don't know what can help means that we're just going with trial and error until something sticks. Nothing we tried worked until now, which means everything else is an option.
I found it helpful to write out all the pros and cons of each option, however minuscule.
The first thing I did was go to pdfcalendar.com and print out a 12 week calendar starting at 1/15. I laid out the potential timelines. Being generous for a cushion in case insurance verification takes a while, I estimated a potential baseline at 1/23. From there, it branches out to several options:
- For a new IVF, we're looking at a potential egg retrieval date at about 2/9
- If we transfer right after, potential FET 2/15
- If we wait a cycle, potential FET 4/5
- For only FET, possible transfer on 2/10
We talked about all the options and discussed each one. My husband is more gung ho about doing another IVF now than I am. I'm ok either way but I might also be ok just doing the FET. The arguments for it are that it's better to bank embryos while I'm younger; getting it out of the way, since we'll probably have to do it again if we want more children; sooner we get it done, sooner we can keep trying if FET 5 fails. The argument against it? We've been so focused on thinking several steps ahead, but it hasn't really gotten us anywhere. Maybe I should stop being so greedy about trying to get "more children" and just focus on having one first, one at a time. In thinking back about our past trials to try to bank embryos, after the first IVF cycle where we got two healthy embryos, it took three more cycles until IVF 4 to get any additional healthy embryos. Yes, two back-to-back cycles (#2 and #3) resulted in zero transferable embryos. So even if we do IVF now, there's no guarantee it will results in any additional embryos. There are no guarantees at all in this, part of which is what makes it so frustrating.
In the grand scheme of things, waiting an additional 7 weeks for a transfer is not a big deal. I know that. I can be patient if need be. But if we're waiting that much time before we can transfer and then that transfer fails, it's devastating that we've lost all that time.
And that apprehension about waiting is the truth hitting where it hurts. It's not the time I'm really worried about; it's the fear of another failure. I'm continuing to go through the motions and doing what needs to get done, but I have no faith in the protocols anymore. I don't know if it will work. Maybe ever? I don't know. I'm worried and scared. All we can do is continue to do our part, brace for the worst, and hope for the best.
In the grand scheme of things, waiting an additional 7 weeks for a transfer is not a big deal. I know that. I can be patient if need be. But if we're waiting that much time before we can transfer and then that transfer fails, it's devastating that we've lost all that time.
And that apprehension about waiting is the truth hitting where it hurts. It's not the time I'm really worried about; it's the fear of another failure. I'm continuing to go through the motions and doing what needs to get done, but I have no faith in the protocols anymore. I don't know if it will work. Maybe ever? I don't know. I'm worried and scared. All we can do is continue to do our part, brace for the worst, and hope for the best.
I know how hard it can get to try and make a decision when you feel as though you don't have all the information/answers you need or no idea what will even work. In the end I think you have to listen to your gut and do what feels right to the two of you!
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