Fine

Physically I'm starting to get back to myself. I have no pain, no bloating, no fatigue, no symptoms at all. For the first time in a while I feel great.

My mental state is different than before. It's not better or worse, just different. This morning I went to a bris/baby naming ceremony and for the first time in as far back as I can remember I didn't cry. Not that I wasn't moved, but I just didn't cry. This is very unusual for me because I tend to cry at everything.

Maybe I'm all cried out? Maybe I've become numb? Maybe our challenges have made me stronger? I wasn't sad or jealous, and I don't think I'm dead inside - I just didn't feel like crying and I made the choice not to. It's a weird feeling to be able to control that. I was looking around the room at the menu and centerpieces and making mental notes of how, if we are ever lucky enough to host one, our celebration would differ. I guess all those times in the past few weeks I felt like crying and couldn't just taught me better control? I don't know.

Looking ahead, I got a price estimate for future treatment from our financial counselor. Our options are to start another IVF or FET with the last embryo. Our appointment with the doc is scheduled for later this week so I hope we have some answers either way. It sounds like we may not be able to start until mid-Jan regardless because they need to verify my new insurance which can take up to 2 weeks. I honestly don't understand why it takes so long since everything is electronic these days and we had to submit our insurance preferences by 11/15 so what takes so long? I have some choice words I'll keep to myself on the subject.

In the meantime we're back to "normal" life, like before treatment. We're on mandatory break and there's nothing we can do now. It's kind of nice. The holidays are coming up and I have winter break to look forward to.

Shabbat shalom!