Family leave

I'm baffled at what constitutes family leave in the united states. In every fb group I'm in, whether it's a finance group or a women's group or a mom group, there are people from all over the world who just can't understand why USA doesn't have any sort of established maternal or paternal leave after the birth or adoption of a child. 

Some countries give 12-18 months paid leave even if you're not employed at the time of birth; some countries go up to three years; some countries even give a stipend to parents for every child until their 18th birthday. In the US we get to not get fired while we go unpaid for up to 12 weeks. Not only does health insurance suck so the bills skyrocket around the labor and delivery, plus there's no such thing as reliable and affordable daycare, on top of that we also need to get by without an income while recovering from a major medical procedure on no sleep. 

With my son born in 2019, at 11 weeks old we were just getting into a rhythm with breastfeeding. He was definitely not sleeping through the night. I cried when I dropped him off at daycare the first day. When I went back to work I was not a productive employee. I had accrued the maximum amount of days off I could take and we couldn't afford for me to stay home past 11 weeks. I was pumping at least once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and rushing at lunch to visit my baby at daycare to kiss and feed him. Even at my most efficient it was still taking 30-40 minutes for each session. I would come home and it would be a mad dash to unpack the bags, clean off the pumping equipment, care for an infant and try to get anything around the house done. As horrible as those early days of the pandemic were, one silver lining was the relief of not to have to deal with pumping anymore while working full time out of the house. Breastfeeding lasted to 15 months mainly because we were home together - I don't know how long I could have sustained the pumping at work situation. 

So how do I want to do things differently this time around? If I had it approved, here's what I would prefer. First, I would go back to the office only part time. Very part time to start and gradually increase hours as the baby grows and sleeps through the night. I would prefer to get a nanny at home for the first few months then, around November or December, reevaluate whether I want to look into daycare and possibly start group care in January for more full time days in the office. 

My employer is not happy about remote work. It's a comfortable situation and I'm not ready to leave just yet but this might be the push I need to make a change. When I propose this scenario, I want to be ready to walk away. If they don't agree to letting me come back part time, and part time at home, then I will look for something fully remote. I'm not interested in making a career move right now but I'm not at all interested in the mayhem that was daycare at 11 weeks with my oldest. 

It took me years to accrue the 11 weeks I took off last maternity leave; I haven't had as much time to accrue that this time around. I've already started saving up for the days I'll be out but it's unlikely that they will pay my full salary for the duration of my full 12 weeks. I would hate to leave, and I would hate to have to spend my mat leave interviewing and applying for jobs, but I prefer to be home instead of sending to daycare those first few months. If they can't work with me, I might need to be ready to walk away. I'm a valuable employee who's been there for over ten years but I know everyone is replaceable and I don't know if they have any incentive to bend the rules for me.