Someday

I'm at a 4/10 level nauseous as a baseline all the time. When I wake up it's at 10/10. I started keeping an emergency cheerios stash next to my bed and power through eating 3-4 before standing up. Some days I can get to breakfast before the cheerios are rejected. Some days when I get breakfast down (eggs are usually the only thing tolerated) in time then I can manage the nausea until about 11. Most days it's just constantly there. Laying down helps but I don't have that option all the time. I know every pregnancy is different. Last time the nausea miraculously went away for the most part by 13 weeks. On the other hand I don't remember it being this bad back then. I'm down 8 lbs from transfer day. No energy after 8 pm and usually asleep by 9 most nights these days.

I saw an ad for a Van Gogh exhibit nearby which looked really cool. It made me think that there's hope for a post-pandemic world where we can go out and do things. I know it's too soon because I'm hearing of a lot of cases from asymptomatic kids, breakthrough vaccinated adults, complications for vaccinated adults. I don't know what the answer is to end this pandemic but I'm really tired of it. I'm so done with the fear and anxiety. I've been on high alert for so long that I can't anymore. I'm feeling mentally and physically exhausted all the time.... but letting our guard down is not an option. It doesn't matter that I'm triple vaxxed and masked anywhere I go - our tiny person is unvaccinated and is too young to mask properly. So we carry on being as careful as we can and praying we get through this with mind and body in tact.

Gross

I've been feeling gross. I wake up nauseous. I go to bed exhausted and nauseous, usually asleep by 9 pm most evenings. Everything is gross. Coffee is gross - I've been putting a quarter teaspoon for the color in my hot water/milk mug and it's still too acidic. Plain water makes me throw up. Colors and sounds make me nauseous. My clothes bother me. I feel bloated and uncomfortable all the time. I don't remember this part, or maybe it wasn't as bad.

The temp regulator in my office is broken so we've been shivering for the past week. When I turn on my heater it makes me gag. Adding a sweater makes me itchy. So I sit and type with numb fingers and take a walk every so often to defrost my blood. 

The clinic bases due date based off the transfer date and the OB bases it off of LMP, so there's about a week difference. Based on that, measuring right on target. I had my last scan at the clinic and released to my OB. Appointment scheduled for the end of this month. #blessed

What day is it?

It feels like there hasn't been a spare moment to sit and think. I've been trying to hold on to everything so that I can process when I have a minute to breathe. I can barely keep track of the days of the week, let alone wrap my mind around it being October. 

FET update: done three labs confirming doubling beta. One scan down, one scan to go before they release to OB. Crinone continues through 10 weeks. First scan we saw the flickering of a heartbeat. [Side thought: If I was in Texas and if this was an unwanted pregnancy, it would already be too late for an abortion. Not even a few weeks from when I actually got pregnant. Mind boggling.] In true second child fashion, all of this incredible news took a back seat to everything else going on.

Our little guy had a respiratory situation. It started with a cough he got at daycare. Progressed to include a runny nose and wheezing. Tested negative for covid. We know RSV was going around school so even though he never officially tested for it, because treatment would be the same, that's what I assume it was. Between telehealth, peds, and urgent peds appointments and follow up phone calls, we finally got something that worked. He was put on steroids which helped clear his lungs. It was very scary for a minute because if that had not helped the next step was the emergency room. Scary on its own; terrifying during a pandemic when case numbers are STILL going up. Cough will still take some time to go away completely.

Between all those appointments we had the holidays. So much prep and so much cooking. I am completely burned out. I can't think about shopping, menu planning, cooking, or looking at food. The holidays landed in the middle of the week and then shabbat followed shortly after. There was just no time to recover and clean up from one when there was another coming right up. This repeated for a month. We were mainly home on our own. We are still not socializing regularly, so there was a limited number of people we could see. There seems to be an outbreak in our community of covid so it was a lot of keeping him from others so he doesn't cough on them and they don't infect him. 

Above all that we had to work, trying to cram full weeks of work into truncated days. With no down time and feeling exhausted and crummy it's been a very hectic month. 

Grateful and happy. Ready to get into some new routine.