Non breaking news

Random thoughts below.

I have screen fatigue. Everything is with a screen. Work. Socializing. Communicating with family. Entertainment. My head hurts. My eyes hurt.

Like the rest of the country we've been ODing on news coverage of the elections.  Too Close To Call has been heard Too Many Times over the past week but at least we got news. I hope the transition resolves quickly. 

We sold our second car. Since March one car is more than enough. It was a hassle and annoying to have to take turns at the dealership because both of us are on the title and needed to sign the paperwork, which meant keeping the baby in the car for a while. It was an annoying adult process but I'm glad we did it and happy it's behind us. Just a few years ago I couldn't wait until we had a second car.

Cases continue to go up in our state. Our governor held a press conference yesterday to give people an update and last week he told people to "just wear the damn masks." I would vote for him as president.

I watch the Today show regularly and was sad to hear of Al Roker's news that he has prostate cancer. It's the kind of news that hits me in the gut because I know anyone at any time can get any diagnosis. We've been so consumed by worrying about this pandemic but regular fears are still there. Every time I have a cramp I worry. Every time I get a headache I worry. I play out the worst case scenario and tear up. Then I swallow the lump in my throat and tell myself to shake it off. Sometimes it's easier than others. The constant anxiety isn't helping. It's as though my brain seems to feel comfort in worrying because everything else is out of control. 

My office is still open even as the pandemic rages on. I've lost momentum with my job hunt. The applications I sent out went unanswered. There were few responses and mainly along the lines of "we hired internally" which makes me believe they weren't actually looking. Hiring freezes, competing with so many unemployed people, and finding time to fill out the tedious applications are all challenges. I'm grateful to still have an income and try to stay positive so that I don't become bitter.

I joined DietBet. I did it in October and didn't reach the goal but neither did the other participants so I won since I'd lost the most. I joined again for November and am in a much larger pot of people (and $). I find it low-key motivating which is what I'm looking for right now. The goal is to lose 4% body weight in 4 weeks. So far I'm 38% toward the goal with 16 days left. 

Wearing a mask with glasses is annoying so I've been wearing contacts more often. I wear the daily ones. I tried reordering and they said my prescription is expired. 

Earlier this week we were both feeling election withdrawal. By Monday the adrenaline wore off and the celebrations around the world simmered down. The 24/7 election coverage was done even though the news coverage continues. It just felt like we were part of something that connected the entire world and then it was over. Back to being distant. Disconnected. Apart. Historically I haven't been the most social person which translates into a smaller social group of people to reach out to right now and I find that I'm missing the connection. I miss having meaningful social interactions.

On the flip side of all this anxiety and looming depression on the far other side of the spectrum is baby boy. He's learning new words, coming up with fun tricks, exploring and tasting everything, and is just fun to be around. I miss him when we're not together and love coming home to his delighted squeals. In a million years I never would have thought I'd enjoy being home with the baby as much as I am enjoying it. If we were in a place financially where I could be home for the next few years I would do it. We're tag-teaming between us while both working full time and it's challenging and exhausting but so worth it. We're getting to enjoy him and watch him grow every day. He is such a blessing among all this poo.

I've started getting asked when our boy will become a big brother. Not unexpected. Even though it did not at all factor into our decision to keep him home, we're saving a lot on daycare since he's home. Once he turns two the cost decreases by 30% because the ratios are different by that age. I used up all my accrued time off for the last maternity leave so I'd likely have to take an unpaid time off. Maybe by the time this is relevant we'll have universal paid parental leave and affordable childcare options due to the new leadership. Regardless, it's on my mind. I'm not conflicted about it, I'm just dragging my feet because it requires so much mental energy that I don't have. I want to lose weight. I want to figure out what's going on with the liver thing. I want them to figure out what's happening with this virus. I want to try to get to a new job, stabilize our income, and get back into somewhat normal life. On the other hand.... tick tock. No one is getting younger and there's no guarantee about anything or how long it will take. So it's on my mind but I don't have it figured out yet.

Hope you and your loved ones are staying healthy and safe.