May

I should have been writing as things were happening. I know memories fade fast but between working and simultaneously taking care of the baby, sporadic sleep, and maximum anxiety I just couldn't find the energy.

I had foot pain that started in February that I meant to get seen. Then quarantine happened and I just put it on the back burner. It got bad enough where I was waking up stiff all over with shooting pain coming from my right heel when I tried to put weight on it that I reached out to a physical therapist who did a telehealth appointment and told me about plantar fasciitis. That sounded like what I had. She gave me some exercises and stretches to do, along with ice and rest. There was no time for ice or rest but I tried keeping up with the stretches when I remembered and it was more manageable.

I know exercise will help but I have to find the mental energy for that. I barely have the energy to keep my shit together long enough to do the basics. We've been home since March and only been doing grocery delivery. No takeout, no breaks. It was hard enough getting dinner together nightly. Now we're eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner at home. Baby has started solids, which was terrifying at first, but now really fun to watch him explore and discover new foods. We're up to 3 teeth. Likes include sweet potatoes and squash; dislikes include avocado and new textures like cottage. I'll keep offering them to see if his tastes evolve.

Shavuot came and went. It was another holiday without shul or guests. When pesach started we didn't think we would still be doing this for shavuot. Yet here we are.

I've participated in plenty of the trends making rounds on instagram. That includes baking banana bread, trying out different bread recipes like crusty bread and pita, giving my husband a haircut, the whipped coffee, and probably a bunch others I'm not thinking about. I gained weight during quarantine which doesn't help my foot pain or mental state. I'm eating myself awake, I'm stress-baking, and we've prioritized things that require little to no prep, like cereal, which is basically empty calories. 

I'm still enjoying being home with him. As hard as it is to work while taking care of him, I'm grateful to have a job and I'm grateful I get to enjoy watching him reach milestones and get cuter by the day. He's sleeping a little better these days - still waking up at night but not as often and not for as long.

I've cried at the news of George Floyd's death and all the other horrible stories of mistreatment of black people that came to light. I've cried at the numbers that keep rising: cases, hospitalizations, deaths. I've cried at the mismanagement from leadership at the top. I've cried at the feeling of hopelessness that this will never end. I've cried at the uncertainty of what will happen with our income. I've cried in anxiety about our health and our family's health. I've cried that my baby's grandparents and cousins can only enjoy him via video chat or from a distance and missing the most delicious stage yet.