Tired

I don't think it's a physical tired but it is manifesting physically. I'm so tired of what's happening on the news and around the world. I'm emotionally drained from constantly cringing at what's happening. I'm scared to become numb to the craziness. It's not normal. It's not ok. But can it be fixed? Is it reversible?

I read an article written by a victim of the disgusting gymnastics doctor and it stuck with me. Helpless child; unknowing parents. She just kept going back over and over thinking that it's for medical reasons, too young to know it was wrong and too naïve to know to bring it up to her parents, fearing they may make her quit the sport if they knew how much pain she was in. It makes me ill when I think about it; I can't even imagine what his victims living with the memories feel.

The gun violence; the planned parenthood drama; the constant discussions about police brutality; the rising cost of healthcare; looming recession; the fact that nothing can get done in our government because everything is wrapped in unlimited red tape and bureaucracy. Nothing is moving forward. People are literally dying and nothing is changing.

What's happening in the White House is so beyond. I have a hard time putting into words how much the lack of decency and honor bother me. There are still people who support him vocally and I just can't even listen to them. It's such a touchy subject that I prefer not to even start the discussion, in person or online. I don't even follow the news that carefully - just the highlights once or twice a day spoon-fed to me by news anchors on the TV while I'm cooking or folding laundry, trying hard not to pay too much attention. Even the late night comedians seem to have lost the spark of humor.

It's not even about the scandals or the ridiculous comments or the narcissistic insanity. It bothers me so much that he constantly and consistently lies about everything. It doesn't matter if a past clip shows the exact opposite of what he says today. How can you respect someone who is so out of touch with reality? How can it be expected to trust him to lead the country?

I was feeling particularly blah the other day. I was putting my groceries on the belt at the grocery store, minding my own business. It was close to 9 pm, way past my prime and I definitely not looking my best, but I had gotten in my head that I need melon and my husband was traveling. A woman behind me tried to get my attention, "Excuse me..". I internally rolled my eyes and prepared to say no thank you to whatever she was selling or offering or collecting. As I turned around, she hands me a paper and says, "Do you have more than $50 of groceries? If so I have an extra coupon for $10 off." I managed a smile and I think some word of appreciation got to her before she turned around and left - I don't remember exactly because I was still mentally readjusting from my earlier prejudice.

Such a simple gesture. Such an impact on my mood. It wasn't so much what the gesture was; it was the fact that another human reached out and tried to make a complete stranger's life a tiny bit better. The coupon was expiring and she could have easily tossed it on her way out rather than taking a minute to offer it to someone else.

I'll admit I was inspired. On my way to the car I noticed that there were two shopping carts in the handicap spot near the store. Knowing there's usually no cart collector at that time of day, I moved the carts out of the way so that the spot can be cleared for the next person. I was hot and sweaty (my usual these days) but it took only a minute out of my time. Again, so simple yet maybe it would impact someone who needed that space.

I can't fix the world or politics, and I don't know what will happen in the White House. But I can improve my own mental health by these small acts and in the process they may even make a difference in someone else's day.