Natural cycle: day 14

There are a lot of things frustrating me and I need to vent so let's get right to it.

First of all, the natural cycle ERA is going slower than anticipated. They estimated day 14 for ovulation but the largest follicle is only 10 mm. So everything is pushed until until follicle is close to 20 mm. I have to go back on Friday for more monitoring. Not only am I annoyed that I have to wake up early and go in for monitoring on my day off, but I'm also annoyed that now the biopsy is delayed until 11/29 or 11/30, depending on when I finally ovulate. And what happens if they overshoot and accidentally miss ovulation? It's not a crazy thought but I know they are pros and know what they're doing so I'm not even going to bring this up.

We're supposed to travel the last weekend of November. Because sunset is so early these days, I booked the earliest flight out on Friday the 30th. If biopsy ends up on that day we will have to cancel our plans. I know this takes priority and I'm definitely not skipping an appointment, but I'm also really done with all this taking over our lives. Also, it was delay delay delay for two months and suddenly there's a 5 min procedure that might ruin an entire weekend.

I was annoyed at having 8 people ahead of me this morning even though I tried to make an effort to be there early. Between that wait and then the second wait for bloodwork, the appointment was nearly 90 minutes.

It's busy at work because of the shortened week and everyone is stressed. There's a specific person that gets under my skin and I have to work hard to not let it get to me. While I'm open to the possibility that it's me, I'm hearing issues with this coworker from other people too. I'm keeping my supervisor informed but I can't go complaining for every little issue, and there's usually at least one thing to complain about per day.

It's Thanksgiving season. It used to be one of my favorite times of year. Two years ago that changed with the Wegmans incident, where our fourth FET ended in another failure. It's family time and I'm feeling the weight of our losses on my shoulders. It's hard not to think of the what-ifs had any of our FETs stuck. I'm tired of the wait. I'm tired of the limbo. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of failing.

They say you should count your blessings. I am grateful for each and every one. I try to focus on the positive. I try to stay hopeful. We've been through 8 IVFs, transferred 7 embryos in 6 FETs spending well into the 5 figures resulting in 4 miscarriages over 3 years in 2 clinics waiting for 1 miracle.