Natural cycle: continued

When I got the results from monitoring last Monday, things were going slower than anticipated. That continued to be true all week. Day 18 was Friday and I was called back for monitoring. It was swamped. There was only half the staff because of the holiday weekend but just as many people in the waiting room. The doctor who did the ultrasound measured the lead follicle at 17 and said "We'll likely see you tomorrow" but wanted to wait for labs to come back to make sure.

Coming in on a Saturday is tricky for me. Some people avoid it all together but I'll use whatever religious loopholes are available in order to keep the cycle on track and still keep Halacha. Just because I choose not to drive on Saturday doesn't mean I can't arrange for someone else to drive me. Because they were so swamped on Friday, I expected to wait longer to hear results, but after noon passed I was starting to get nervous. If I need to make arrangements then I need to know soon, especially since a lot of people were out of town and my default go-to person wasn't available. At 1 pm I called the nurse's line and left a message. At 2 pm I paged the nurse on call. All the while worrying about the what-ifs and different scenarios.

Worst case scenario, I do need to come in this Saturday and I don't have a ride in place. Best case they would tell me to come back Sunday for more monitoring. All the while keeping in mind that whatever happens this weekend, 6-7 days later is next weekend where not only do we again have a Saturday issue, but we also have plans to be OUT OF TOWN. Never did I imagine that the cycle would be this long or I would never have made plans to fly somewhere else.

Finally at 2:30 someone returned my calls. They were waiting for my doctor to weigh in because even though she was out for the holiday she still wanted to be informed on everything and decide the next step (isn't that amazing?). My doctor made the call that based on my blood work results, I should take the ovidrel on Friday and come in 7 days later, the following Friday, for the uterine biopsy. It took me by surprise because I thought the lead follicle needed to be at 20 for something to happen but I guess it didn't. Luckily I had ovidrel from my Aug IVF cycle that was still in my fridge. I took it at 3 pm and made sure to note the time in case it becomes relevant in the FET cycle.

So one stress averted - don't have to go in on either Saturday. The next stress is scheduling the actual biopsy. I was advised by the nurse to call the scheduler on Monday to make sure to get on the schedule for Friday. I've been calling all morning and left two messages so far and no one is responding. I'm assuming they're catching up from the weekend, but c'mon. You're a medical office and someone should be picking up the phone. I'll keep calling but it's frustrating. We're trying to see if they'll take us early enough that we can still make the getaway over the weekend. It's a slim chance but I don't want to cancel before I know for sure.

I know they likely won't have appointments before 9 am because of monitoring. The flight is less than 2 hrs but it's a short Friday. With unpredictable delays and getting through an unknown airport, even without checked luggage, I don't want to risk getting too close to Shabbat. I'm comfortable flying before noon, but there are no flights before 1:30 pm on the airline we're already booked on and switching to another airline will cost about $720 for one way. While I'm fairly certain we're canceling the trip I'm having a hard time doing that and letting everyone know before booking the actual appointment.

Natural cycle: day 14

There are a lot of things frustrating me and I need to vent so let's get right to it.

First of all, the natural cycle ERA is going slower than anticipated. They estimated day 14 for ovulation but the largest follicle is only 10 mm. So everything is pushed until until follicle is close to 20 mm. I have to go back on Friday for more monitoring. Not only am I annoyed that I have to wake up early and go in for monitoring on my day off, but I'm also annoyed that now the biopsy is delayed until 11/29 or 11/30, depending on when I finally ovulate. And what happens if they overshoot and accidentally miss ovulation? It's not a crazy thought but I know they are pros and know what they're doing so I'm not even going to bring this up.

We're supposed to travel the last weekend of November. Because sunset is so early these days, I booked the earliest flight out on Friday the 30th. If biopsy ends up on that day we will have to cancel our plans. I know this takes priority and I'm definitely not skipping an appointment, but I'm also really done with all this taking over our lives. Also, it was delay delay delay for two months and suddenly there's a 5 min procedure that might ruin an entire weekend.

I was annoyed at having 8 people ahead of me this morning even though I tried to make an effort to be there early. Between that wait and then the second wait for bloodwork, the appointment was nearly 90 minutes.

It's busy at work because of the shortened week and everyone is stressed. There's a specific person that gets under my skin and I have to work hard to not let it get to me. While I'm open to the possibility that it's me, I'm hearing issues with this coworker from other people too. I'm keeping my supervisor informed but I can't go complaining for every little issue, and there's usually at least one thing to complain about per day.

It's Thanksgiving season. It used to be one of my favorite times of year. Two years ago that changed with the Wegmans incident, where our fourth FET ended in another failure. It's family time and I'm feeling the weight of our losses on my shoulders. It's hard not to think of the what-ifs had any of our FETs stuck. I'm tired of the wait. I'm tired of the limbo. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of failing.

They say you should count your blessings. I am grateful for each and every one. I try to focus on the positive. I try to stay hopeful. We've been through 8 IVFs, transferred 7 embryos in 6 FETs spending well into the 5 figures resulting in 4 miscarriages over 3 years in 2 clinics waiting for 1 miracle.

Natural cycle

We started the natural ERA/EMMA cycle. The protocol calls for an ultrasound on day 10, plus possible blood work. Once the follicle reaches 20mm in diameter, if an LH surge is detected, then biopsy will be scheduled 6 days later. If no LH surge, then I need to take Ovidrel and the biopsy will be scheduled 7 days later. Whatever we do for the ERA cycle will be repeated for the FET. 

It takes 15 days for the results but we won't start a transfer cycle until it's confirmed that the inflammation is cleared up. We'll need to wait and find out the results of the EMMA to see if there is still inflammation present and, if so, treat it correctly once and for all.

Over the weekend I got a text from someone telling me to keep a mutual friend in mind while she undergoes emergency surgery. Her baby was born two weeks ago and she's suffering from some unknown infection or delivery complication. I have no idea what specifically but the situation sounds terrifying. The more horror stories I hear about pregnancy and delivery the more I feel like I should be reconsidering whether it's something I want to fight so hard for. There's so much time to think that it's impossible not to let the mind wander to the worst case scenario. I don't think that's what would make me back out but it's very scary and has been preoccupying my mind lately.

2018 Elections

Why vote?
Is it important?
Is it to feel heard?
Is it to share my say?
Is it to send a statement?
Does it make a difference?
Is it to exercise my right as a citizen?
Is it because I'm motivated by recent events?
Is it because of what I'm hearing politicians say?
All of the above.
#vote