When I talked to the therapist, I told her I wanted to be able to control my emotions. I want to decide whether or not I want to cry, instead of it happening without being able to hold it back regardless of where I am.
She assessed that the best thing to help would be time. It takes time and distance to process the incident. I'm seeing the truth to that. I'm able to absorb triggers without letting them affect me as much. I think about it rationally -- it was a medical incident, what's the big deal -- and I realize that's how my doctor sees it. He's been treating patients with infertility for decades so he's super desensitized to failure. It's a miracle he's able to muster up condolences at all. I'm not saying this angrily or bitterly; it helps me understand his side and now I know what to ask for in my next cycle.
As the weeks go by I'm able to discuss the blighted ovum without falling apart. There's still a sadness about what happened and I know I'll carry it for some time. While I'm anxious about the possibility of it happening another time, it's not going to keep us from trying again.
Also, it's baaaaack! I don't think I've been as happy to get my period since middle school when it came for the first time. It's about time.
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
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Yay for period (such a weird thing to cheer about)!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're starting to move past it and look onwards to next steps - I think emotions/brains take their own sweet time to get there.
Finally something went as it should with no medication. It feels like a celebration!
Deleteoh yay that period finally arrived! I remember a doctor friend of mine who worked in a fertility clinic before told me that the best thing is to just stay neutral through the IVF process and try not to get too emotionally involved. That is WAY easier said than done! It is incredibly hard to separate your emotions from the process! The best advice I can give is to just take it all one step at a time and be kind to yourself. You've been through so much.
ReplyDelete