Lose to win

I stepped on the scale this morning and didn't like what I saw. I was supposed to lose weight, not gain it! I had an eff-it attitude last week about diet and exercise and this is the result. I'm annoyed with myself because I knew it was happening and didn't do anything about it. I'm up four lbs from last time I weighed in. I could say it's water weight or some other excuse but I know I didn't work out last week and I didn't bother counting calories. Sometimes I think it's good to take a break from strictness, but ugh... hate these results.

I feel great and am happy with how I look so I can't use either one as a motivator to try and lose weight. I have a lot of self-confidence and never struggled with body image issues, but I know that to be healthy and carry healthy pregnancies I need to keep losing weight. So the struggle continues....

I thought about trying South Beach diet for a week just to shake things up, but it's very restrictive. I do better with limiting calories rather than limiting full food groups. I've had past success using myfitnesspal.com and counting calories. I think I just need to reintroduce soups and salads into our rotating menu which are filling and low-cal.

I want to get to a point where I'm eating normal and healthy without constantly thinking about weight, but I don't think that's an option. That's why people gain back all their weight: they stop thinking about it and stop actively maintaining which is how the weight creeps back plus more. Over the past three years I've lost 30 lbs. I've managed to keep most of it off, oscillating with the scale plus or minus 5 lbs every so often, but not ever getting past a certain point up or down. It's good and bad: I haven't lost any more but I also didn't gain it back so I consider it a win. I was hoping to lose another 10-15 lbs, especially before a next transfer. I don't know if the hormones are playing a factor in this, but I'm sure they're not helping matters. I know I retain weight when I'm on pills and I can only imagine what the shots are doing. It's not an excuse, but I try to keep realistic expectations.

I used to have a gym membership but I got rid of it in favor of working out at home and outdoors. In the past few weeks I've been debating whether it might be worth it to go back. While I prefer walking/jogging outside in the fresh air and not dealing with driving to a gym, I miss working out in air conditioning and the group fitness classes. The gym has membership dues and I don't know that I'll use it enough to justify the cost. Plus, I know that staying fit and active is important but to lose weight it's the eating habits that need immediate change.

So I don't yet have a plan and tomorrow is my baseline appointment for the ERA biopsy test. At times it feels like there's so much waiting time between appointments and procedures and yet every baseline appointment seems to sneak up on me. We're at this again? Already?

I think I will start by making a menu for the week. Planning is three-quarters of the battle and if I set myself up for success I'm a lot more likely to do well. I'll also plan to wake up half an hour earlier and get in a walk before the day starts. If I really want to lose weight before a transfer, I have to get serious about it and putting it in writing helps make me accountable. It's a start.