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Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Challenged

I'm feeling challenged today. I had to go in to work because I have deadlines coming up but I think I could have benefited from another day off.

Physically I'm feeling fine, just a little sore. My jaw is sore from keeping it open for an hour and the numbing shot. I'm having some minor cramping but I think those are pre-period from stopping the meds rather than the ERA.

It's more of a mentally challenging feeling. I just wanted to zone out and quietly get my work done but people kept annoying me with needs and questions and thoughts to share. Someone came over to ask whether she should get a new stroller she found a deal for on a sketchy website. Not only was it not even work related, but I'm also really not in the mood to discuss strollers right now.

I'm stalled on a project because a coworker is delayed on their part of the project and I can't start mine until I have theirs. I also got an email asking me where critical documents due today were and I responded that I sent them on Friday but the coworker that was supposed to pass them on after review dropped the ball. None of these are actual issues on their own, but when I'm already agitated and annoyed, each one has been an explosive situation in my mind. So much so that I started looking at job listings late this afternoon.

It didn't end there. When I got home I checked the mail and got a letter saying we owe $3,600 for a medication billing error. I don't know what happened, and I plan to look into it and raise some hell, but it was too much to deal with and just tipped me over the edge into a sobbing mess.

It's a bad day and I'm on edge waiting for results. I know that logically. It's just all very overwhelming and challenging right now.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Big Day: Part II

Crown appointment done! It actually wasn't so bad. The whole thing took 55 minutes from start to finish, including getting numb and digital impressions and temp crown. It wasn't painful, only a little uncomfortable. In short, it was better than expected. I was told the permanent crown will be in in 10 days, so it's now a race between the crown and the biopsy results.

Speaking of the biopsy, I have an update. Turns out the financial advisor was wrong AGAIN only this time it was in our favor! Turns out the clinic part of the fee is covered by our insurance and I should never have been charged last week because that fee goes to the lab doing the biopsy. So it is actually the original fee quoted of $875 and all the drama was completely unnecessary.  Whatever. Yay!

My lip is still numb and I hate it but I know it will hurt as soon as it wakes up.  I'm exhausted. I feel like I took a beating today. It was a long day and I'm ready for a nap.

Big Day: Part I

Today is the big day! ERA is happening at 10:45 AM. I'm excited and happy: for the first time in weeks I feel like I'm doing something to progress toward our goal. I'll continue updating as the day goes on.

I left a little early this morning because I was jittery. I knew that I would find something to do or some errand to run and preferred to be early rather than late. It's a good thing I did leave early because there was heavy traffic and a trip that should have taken 10 minutes took 20. Beside that, the elevators at the clinic were being cleaned so only one elevator was working which also took a few extra minutes. I got there at 10:40 AM for my 10:45 AM appointment. Score one for me.

I can tell that the clinic doesn't do these very often because there were a few hiccups.

First, when I checked in the receptionist asked if I'm there for bloodwork and ultrasound. No, I'm here for a biopsy. She had to go check and see what paperwork I need. She found something and had me sign it.

Second, she asked me to report to the lab to give a urine sample so they can run a pregnancy test. I wasn't told to prepare for that and I had emptied my bladder right before. I chugged some water and squeezed something out.

Then they took me back to the room and there were three nurses helping because there were questions: about the paperwork, about which instruments are needed, about payment. Why are any of these things a question - shouldn't you guys know all this by now?

I had to fill out paperwork that goes with the sample itself and as I was filling it out, a nurse comes back and says that the doc is ready so I should get undressed and we'll figure out the paperwork after. This was 11:00 AM and I get that they wanted to keep him on schedule. Everything seemed very rushed. The doc seemed to know what he's doing so that was reassuring.

The ERA itself took less than 3 minutes. I chatted with the doc for a minute about his choice of a pink shirt for the day and then he requested a specific instrument from a nurse. Once settled he put in a speculum, which was uncomfortable but nothing I've not had before. Then cleaned out the cervix; again uncomfortable but familiar. A few seconds later I felt the scratching on the inside of my uterus and even though I was expecting it, it caught me off guard and made me tear up. It was only a few seconds worth of scratching, if that, but the cramps continued for another minute afterward even after I sat up. Hours later I'm still feeling period-like cramps. I was still tearing up when the doc was leaving the room and he said, "Oh I made you cry, I'm so sorry." I responded with, "It's not the first time..." trying to be funny but failing miserably because it sounded more like I was trying to get back at him for hurting me.

The nurses gave me a few tissues and the rest of the paperwork to fill out and said I can take all the time I need to clear the room. When they left and closed the door I took a minute to sob -- not because I was in pain but because I was sad that I had to go through this, and I was embarrassed that I cried in front of everyone, and because I knew that if I didn't then I'd be on the verge of tears the rest of the day -- and then filled out the rest of the paperwork and got dressed. I asked for a copy of the paperwork and went to check out.

Further evidence that they don't do this often was that at checkout I was asked if I know how much I owe. I said that I was told the procedure cost was $875 and I had paid it in full when I came in for the lining check last week. She was telling me that the cost to the lab was ALSO $875 and that I had to give my credit card info to submit with the paperwork in order for the sample to get processed. I already had a foot out the door and wanted to get out of there, so I gave her a credit card number and said I'll contact the financial advisor directly, who told me the exact fee (and which we based our decision off of). There's no way that the advisor quoted me $875 when the fee is actually $1,750.... right???

Turns out the financial advisor has screwed up once again. Here's the first time she messed up. It actually does look like the $875 is only on one side of the biopsy. The lab charges the same amount as well on their end. So we are being charged twice what we expected and only find out about it after the biopsy is already done which is too late to do anything about it. I'm so upset and I can't stop crying. I know "it's just money" but I'm so annoyed that this keeps happening! How can they be so callous about information to patients?! It's not only hundreds of dollars that I wasn't expecting to pay, but now that we've decided to go down this route if we need to repeat the test based on the results it's going to cost another $1,750!!! What are they thinking not giving patients the full information?

So, being pissed as all hell and hormonal to boot, I sent a scathing email to the financial counselor, her supervisor, and her supervisor's supervisor. I don't care - I'll escalate it to the President if I have to. This is an outrageous injustice and I won't have it. Her email basically insinuated that we should have known to call the lab to find out that there was an additional fee on their end. I don't even have words to describe the nerve of that statement.  We should have known? That's your freaking job!!!! YOU should have known to verify that before quoting us a price!!

No matter what the outcome of this is, I am requesting a different financial counselor moving forward. I gave her a second chance and she blew it. This process is hard enough without having these preventable issues come up due to incompetence.

So anyway... light cramping, minimal spotting, super hormonal, very upset. That was my morning. 

Crown appointment is up next in T minus 50 minutes. 

Sunday, August 7, 2016

ERA and crown

Tomorrow is a big day. The last PIO shot is tonight and tomorrow morning is the biopsy. We should get results back within 10 days. I also have a big dental appointment tomorrow.

We've already discussed the ERA so I'll tell you about my tooth.  In the past few weeks I've had a tooth bothering me. When I was young I had lots of problems with my teeth because I didn't brush. Once I got braces they taught me how to floss and told me that if I don't brush the braces will ruin my teeth (or some such) and ever since then I didn't have any new problems.  So I haven't had a cavity or dental issue in nearly 10 years... until last summer. I go for my cleaning every six months and the dentist is like, ok see you in another 6!

Maybe it's related to the hormones, or maybe not, but the issues started last summer, right around when we started treatment. I've also noticed that ever since we started treatment my nails have been less strong than usual and I have to take special care not to crack or chip them. So could it be a coincidence? Maybe.

In September I went to the dentist with discomfort in my upper jaw. He said there is a start of a cavity in my wisdom tooth. All four of my wisdom teeth erupted at around age 15ish and were perfectly aligned. I had no issues with them until that point. Because of the location of the decay, he said that it's not possible to fix it and recommended getting the tooth pulled. Since I was getting the top pulled I had to get the bottom one pulled as well. And if I'm already getting those two out, he basically recommended getting all four wisdom teeth pulled at once. What?? Get 4 teeth pulled for a tiny not-yet-cavity? Are you serious?? So I went for a second opinion and also asked one of my good friends who happens to be a dentist specializing in TMJ issues for their opinions.

Consensus was that the best thing to do was to get rid of all four at once before they become a problem later on because, and I quote, "They will eventually become an issue." The one that had the start of a cavity couldn't be fixed and it would just continue to decay until it hurt. Not one to procrastinate, I got on it and made an appointment.

In October, at age 31, I got all 4 wisdom teeth pulled out. Because they were all erupted it was actually a simple procedure and took all of 5 minutes once the local anesthesia kicked in. I didn't get the laughing gas or whatever it is that makes you loopy. I had the procedure done on Thursday morning and by Monday I was back at work. Minimal swelling, some discomfort over the weekend, but nothing too traumatic.

Fast forward to June and I start getting some pain in my lower right jaw. It's not a shooting pain but I noticed I was favoring my left side to chew and got headaches more often. I knew it wasn't going to go away on its own but it came and went so I kind of forgot about it when it wasn't actively bothering me. More recently it started coming up more often, especially when I had hot or cold food. As inconvenient as it is to get it checked, there's no reason to push it off: if there was an issue it should be dealt with sooner rather than later.

On Thursday I went to the dentist to check it out. Prognosis is that, due to grinding, a tooth with an old filling in it cracked. The crack can be fixed by putting a crown on the tooth. Crown runs about $1,375. In addition, the dentist suggested a nightguard to prevent grinding and future damage, an additional $450. Insurance will cover about 2/3 of the cost.



It's a sucky thing to deal with right now, but avoiding it won't help anything. If I don't take care of it now, the tooth will continue cracking and eventually also need a root canal in addition to the crown, or worse, needing an extraction. At least now the tooth itself is healthy and doesn't need a root canal.

I took the day off tomorrow for the biopsy because I have extra vacation days that are use-or-lose expiring at the end of the month. I was planning to go to the biopsy in the morning and then veg out the rest of the day. If I'm off anyway, and will be uncomfortable anyway, I may as well deal with this crown and get it over with, so that's happening in the afternoon. The permanent crown takes about 10 business days to come in so I may have to deal with a temp crown and mikvah but I'm not thinking about that unless it becomes relevant.

I hate it when my mouth and lip are numb so I'm expecting to be miserable and complain-y most of the afternoon. My husband has already been warned.

As for the ERA, I was told it shouldn't be too painful but who knows. I took the day off because I didn't know what to expect. I'm working on keeping my mind off the what-ifs of the results. I know that logically we decided to do this for multiple reasons so I just have to keep reminding myself those reasons. If anyone ever asks me in the future about ERA, I'll refer them to these posts and tell them they better be sure because the mental aspect is a big challenge. It's helpful to have a list of reasons to refer back to when the second thoughts start creeping up.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I'm hoping everything goes well tomorrow with no complications. Right now I'm watching Survivor on the laptop with the Olympics on the TV in the background while I write up this post. I love the Olympics and see no reason to have to choose between the two.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Down day

I've been feeling a little bummed the past few days. I can generally tell what's bothering me but I can't quite pinpoint what it is this time. There are a few things that are possible contributors.

Tonight is the first night of the PIO shots. It's harder and more emotionally draining than I expected to do a fake cycle with all the shots and appointments but none of the hope of a transfer.

I've been busy at work, but it's busywork. It's not challenging and I'm not feeling accomplished or motivated. I have my yearly review coming up. More on that in a future post.

My friends are busy with other things. Most of them are either dealing with their kids, or going on vacations, or just generally unavailable to hang out. It's a little lonely.

I've been exercising more and pulled a muscle in my back that's taking a while to loosen up.

I'm seeing newly preg people complain about nausea, heartburn, fatigue, and how nothing fits. I understand they're suffering and uncomfortable, I really get it. These are all real problems for them and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever have to deal with these issues. I think of how exciting it is for them that in just a few short weeks they'll be done with the first trimester and get to tell everyone their special news.

I started watching Cheers. I was curious about the show dubbed the most popular series of all time and since I was looking for a new show to binge watch it helped that it has 11 seasons. Y'know what? Some times it IS nice to go where everyone knows your name! I wish I had a place to go to relax and socialize with people I know and like. I'm up to S1:E4 and so far I don't hate it.

I've got too much time to think. Most people my age have so much going on. I feel like I could be doing better with my time. I think the hormones are also not helping. I dunno. Tomorrow is another day.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

FedLoan sucks

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to complain about the worst student loan servicer. The WORST.

I have been calling FedLoan nearly every week since April to resolve an issue. Not only have I had to wait on hold for at least 20 min every time, I've also gotten conflicting advice from every rep I've spoken to.  If I try to resolve the issue by contacting customer service via email, I don't even get a response. When I complained that the last rep I spoke to said they did something and they didn't, the response I got was that I could easily go online and take care of it myself. I said (in a very loud and frustrated voice) that I would have had I known the rep messed up and didn't take care of it on the phone. Since the rep said it was taken care of, I had no reason to believe it was LIE.

Actually, it wasn't a lie; it was an oversight, a mistake, which is even worse. They don't even know what they're talking about!  I finally got to the bottom of the issue and will hopefully see it reflected in my account in 24 hours.  I still requested to be escalated to a manager and vented my frustration at her for about 5 minutes, ending with, "If you're not going to fix this issue t.o.n.i.g.h.t, please advise me on how to transfer my loan to another service provider." I was very calm and professional in how I yelled at her about her incompetent staff.  I know they're probably recording me "for training and quality purposes." Such BS.

Worst service ever.


Monday, August 1, 2016

ERA: lining check

Lining check appointment today went well. There was very little traffic and even though the waiting room was crowded, I was seen pretty quickly.

I made sure to drink a lot yesterday and this morning and bloodwork went smoothly with only one stick. Results are back and E2 is at 409 with low progesterone. Ultrasound was also good: lining is at 11.7 mm.

So PIO starts Wednesday and then biopsy is on Monday. Moving along.

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