Biopsy 4x

Friday was CD22. At a designated time a week prior I triggered with Ovidrel and went in for the biopsy on Friday morning. It was purposely scheduled for after monitoring so the waiting room was empty. I saw a lady coming out from the back with an ultrasound picture in her hand. The good kind. The 5-week bubble holding an infinite amount of joy. As she was shoving other things into her purse, waiting in line to make a follow up appointment, it waved around like a flag of hope. I remember that feeling and I was so happy for her. I debated whether or not it's too weird to go congratulate her. I decided that it is and if the situations were reversed I would not want a stranger from the waiting room to mention it. So I sent her some silent good vibes and kept scrolling on my phone.

I got called back. The doctor doing the procedure went through the paperwork and the biopsy was done quickly and efficiently. They had to take three vials-worth so they dug deep but it was only when they were taking the instruments out that the pain got to me and I teared up. Maybe they hit something on the way? I don't know. I originally thought we were doing an ERA but I think it's EMMA, and ALICE.  Same procedure but different tests. The results should be back in about 2-3 weeks. 

I'm not sure we're transferring next cycle - even if the results come back sooner than the estimates and in time for my next CD1, I'm guessing they're going to find something that needs to be treated. Maybe it's a defense mechanism but my gut is telling me to manage my expectations and be patient with the timeline.

5 min

I did it! I spent 5 min today lifting weights. They were 5 lb weights and I did arms for 6 min and 54 seconds. I set a timer to let me know when 5 min were up, but I also set a stopwatch. I knew that once I got into it I'd continue which is what happened. I finished a set and then added some abs (crunches, leg lifts) after the nearly 7 minutes of weights, for a total of a 10 minute non-walk workout. 

I'm equal parts embarrassed and proud. I'm ashamed that it took so long to actually do it, and that I broke a sweat from those few minutes. Definitely not in the same shape as I used to be. 

The goal is to be healthy and strong and I'm proud I finally took a step over the hump of the mental wall that was preventing me from starting. I still don't have a reason, but now that I've started the ball rolling I hope next time won't be as challenging and I can get a streak going. 

ERA CD14

Tuesday I went in for day 12 monitoring. Lining looked good but largest follicle was at 13 mm so they're giving it a few more days to grow. I think they want to see it closer to 18. My arm is getting really bruised from blood draws. Wednesday I got to see my obgyn for my annual appointment. Still love her. Today more monitoring and also an endo appointment for thyroid follow up. Largest follicle at 17 and lining up to over 9. I think I'll have to come back tomorrow. I hope not again on Saturday.

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I had a conversation with my obgyn about long term contraception. According to Jewish law, contraception for men is not allowed; there are no restrictions for use by women. If I don't want to take hormones, I can do an IUD or get my tubes tied at the next c section.  Getting tubes tied is a permanent long term solution with the added benefit of a decrease in the risk of ovarian cancer. I would still be able to use the uterus for pregnancy with frozen embryo transfers (our own, donated, or even carry as a surrogate for someone else). 

I'm not sure how I feel about this permanent option. IUD has its own benefits and challenges, such as being reversible but having heavier period and potential breakthrough bleeding (a halachic nightmare).  My fertile window is closing and likely within the next ten years this will be irrelevant, but for the next several years I don't want to have to take a daily pill. I also don't like the side effects of the hormones - for me it means headaches and elevated blood pressure. It's not something we need to figure out right now, just something I'm thinking about. 

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We're working on making healthier choices and getting our pandemic weight gain under control. I've oscillated up and down with the same 10 lbs. At transfer I don't want to weigh more than I did last transfer. To get there I need to lose 6 lbs. I'd like to lose more, but that's the current, realistic goal. 

Action items we're taking: 

• Actively drinking more water. Daily goal set at 100 oz. I've been getting through about half. I definitely notice less munching when I'm full of water.  
• Fill up on soup and salads. I've been good about taking a big salad for lunch. It takes planning and effort to make sure there are veg in the house, and take time to clean them and cut them, but worth it. My challenge is making sure I eat enough protein and fat along with it so that I'm not starving by the time I get home and snack before dinner.
• Weight Watchers? Considering joining, not sure if it's worth the cost. I think accountability is key so I would appreciate the support. 
• 5 min weights daily. Trying to make this a thing. I meant to start this week and just haven't. I don't know what the mental block is for it - everyone should be able to carve out 5 minutes of their day to lift weights, right? I have them in my bedroom and see them all the time. I just have to start. 

Once the cicadas are done (hopefully soon 🙏) we can restart our daily walks again. I always feel great after a long walk. I only recently noticed that the pain in my foot - self diagnosed as plantar fasciitis - has gone away and was very pleased with this realization. It started right after the birth and lasted about 18 months. 

Natural cycle ERA

This morning I went in for  day 4 monitoring for the ERA+ testing. Thanks to the copious notes I took last time we did this, chronicled on this blog, I know what to expect. Today there were some follicles at 9 mm. When the lead one reaches 20 mm and there's an LH surge detected, biopsy is 6 days later. If no surge, I take ovidrel and come back 7 days later. Last time, it took forever for the lead follicle to reach 20 and they told me to take the ovidrel when it reached 17. We're several years and multiple cycles later, with a lot that happened in between, so we'll see. 

I'm in a different headspace this time. Even logistics are different, since I can't just leave in the morning for a 90 minute monitoring appointment without some scheduling and planning. I'm so grateful to have that as a priority. It makes everything pale in comparison and dulls the urgency of unnecessarily overthinking things.  

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There's a situation at work. I've talked for years about how every time something like this happens, I weigh out the pros and cons of staying vs finding another job. In the past the pros of staying always won. Today there are even more reasons to stay, but I've reached a point where I feel the need to say something. I have a meeting with my supervisor this afternoon to discuss my concerns and I hope it goes well. 

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I've always been an introvert with minimal need for human interaction. I had my people and was fine with it. Over the years some relationships kind of fizzled and haven't been replaced. Pre-pandemic I started feeling the need to put more effort into building new relationships but was dragging my feet on getting it started. Then the world stopped. At this point in the pandemic, I'm craving new experiences and have found myself striking up conversations with complete strangers. I know they feel the same because they enthusiastically respond in kind. I'm willing to put in the effort but not sure how to direct this open energy. Will keep my eyes open to opportunities.