Black pepper

I have been meaning to come on and update. Every time I feel like there's something to write about something else, bigger and more frightening, happens.

The start of March was calm like any other week. We were getting used to our new schedule. At 4.5 months he started getting at least one four hour long stretch of sleep per night. I was getting used to my new tasks at work. We were getting ready to celebrate Purim. My birthday came and went, uneventful as expected. My family was too busy, my husband's strong point isn't presents or surprises, and everyone just had too much going on. The usual. I tried to swallow my disappointment but there were the usual arguments.

My birthday was followed shortly by Purim. There were talks of large scale events being canceled but the whole idea of a virus was still very much back-burner news. It was business as usual with some casual maybe-I'll-get-an-extra-box-of-pasta kind of mindset at the store. March 11 was a turning point. It was the day after Purim. It was the day the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus a world pandemic. It was the day that toilet paper was suddenly worth its weight in gold. It was a Wednesday. The next day there were lines out the door at the supermarket. By Friday, we were told to take all of his stuff home because school was "closed next week" and we'll probably need the stuff.

The following Monday I made a second trip to the store and it was no less busy. That was the last time we were out in crowds. I've since filled up the cars with gas and taken out cash. It's two weeks later and we've placed delivery orders for groceries online but we're still waiting for them. We're ok for the most part. The first thing we ran out of is black pepper. I'm not running out to the store to buy it; and hopefully my pesach order for delivery will include it, unlike some of the other deliveries that were sent to friends with many items missing. I can't remember a time when I didn't have black pepper in the house and now it seems like such a luxury. We're obviously not suffering and I'm not complaining.

It's challenging to try to work full time while caring for a baby at home, trying to tag team between us. It's hard not to feel guilty trying to finish up an email when he wakes up from a nap and wants to play - knowing he's ok but still feeling torn. It's tough being in the house all day, every day and taking care of everything while trying to remain calm and accept the new normal. The images from the news are terrifying. We need to maintain some balance between being informed and overdosing on news. We're staying home, washing our hands, and praying for the sick and caretakers. It seems simple in theory and unfortunately the best we can do.

I almost feel guilty by how much I'm enjoying being home and taking care of him. I definitely wanted to extend my maternity leave but not at the expense of a world pandemic. I love being home in general and having my family with me makes it amazing. I wish we could see cousins and grandparents but for the time being it's just not worth the risk. The weather has turned so nice and it's beautiful outside so we take short walks around the neighborhood and hang out in the backyard every so often.

As challenging as it is to be cooped up inside terrified of the what-ifs, we know it's the best case scenario in a very frightening time. The images coming out of other countries hit hard, or even New York, are so scary.

Hope everyone stays home, stays well, and stays sane. We'll get through this together.