Stress, Endo, ENT

It's been a hectic week. My brother was out of town for work and I helped his wife with the kids over the week, which included a hospital visit for my nephew. I'm the default person in emergencies because I don't have kids at home so it's assumed I can drop everything and come, when in reality it's just my personality and I do that anyway even if I have a thousand other things going on.

It got so stressful at one point that I broke down on the phone when my husband called to check in. After spending the majority of the night in the ER with my sister-in-law and nephew, then running home to take a quick nap and shower to get ready for work, I was exhausted and stressed when I said that I was worried my lot in life is to just be an addendum to someone else's life helping everyone else. Long story short, my nephew was in the hospital for two days and we all chipped in to the best of our ability to take care of the other kids.

I also had a work event the same night, and tickets to see my favorite comedian, and guests for shabbat. I didn't know how I would get everything done, but when my husband asked, "Do you really have to be at work today?" on Thursday, the truth was that I didn't really. I could have taken the day off, my supervisor would have been super understanding, and I would have been able to cancel my guests and skip the show. But then what was left? I felt the need to purposely prioritize my own life so that I don't become just a supporting character in other people's lives. It may or may not be ridiculous thinking but in the moment that's how it felt.

Our next cycle starts the week after Thanksgiving so I'm back on my pre-IVF diet. I had some regrets about agreeing to do another cycle because I just don't wanna with the meds and the side effects and the retrieval ughhhh. But after discussion with my husband we're back on the same page that it's what we want. Plus "I don't wanna" isn't a legit enough reason to not do it. I don't think we're still as gung ho about an expensive trip in January, though. We've reconsidered the cost and just can't justify dropping so much money on a 10-day trip. As much as we want to go, we're terrified we'll need the money in the future and regret not having it.

In other news, I got an appointment with an endocrinologist. When I went for a second opinion in the summer, something in my thyroid got flagged in my mind enough to make me want to double check. Last week I searched on my insurance website for local endocrinologists that take my insurance. I then cross referenced the ones I picked with reviews online and on fb groups. After narrowing it down to top three, I started calling for an appointment. The first call I made took me on an automated loop ride for like 5 minutes before I got asked by a human if I can hold. I held for two minutes and hung up - can't deal with that. Second office I called directed me to a voicemail that instructed me, as a new patient, to leave a message and someone will get back to me within two business days. I left a message a day later I got a call back from the second office.

The provider I asked for is currently booking new patients in January. I could see someone else in the practice "as early as"  December. I asked if I can get on a wait list to get seen earlier if there's a last minute cancellation and she said she'd have to register me, book the appointment, and then she can add me to the waitlist. I agreed and she asked for my info. Then she asked what I'd like to come in to be seen for and I said thyroid checking. She said technically they don't take new patients that have not been diagnosed with anything. It needs to come from the pcp or a referral from another doctor who thinks there's an issue.

I said that I'm trying to get pregnant and that my doctors don't seem to think there's a problem because my numbers are ok for regular people but not necessarily for pregnancy. She suggested I try seeing an RE, to which I replied that I have one, and been tested multiple times but the number comes back different every time. While they don't see an issue I want to double check and before going through another transfer I want to get an opinion from a specialist. Her suggestion was to have my records transferred and have the endocrinologist review them before deciding whether I need an appointment. I said fine. She wasn't arguing with me but it was weird to have to justify the call. Just book the appointment. You'll get paid for a consultation whether I need treatment or not so what do you care? I can't get treatment without a diagnosis, but I can't get an answer about a possible diagnosis before I see a specialist. Ridiculous.

I was planning to follow up tomorrow, which would have been a week, especially since I didn't get any kind of form to sign that it's ok for my docs to release my records. I know I could be completely barking up the wrong tree and there really is no thyroid problem at all. But before transferring any more embryos I want to make sure I'm giving them the absolute best chance possible. I've got time before a potential FET so I may as well make the most of it. I got a call back from the endocrinologist's office saying that they got my records, the doctor reviewed them, and has approved booking an appointment. So on one hand, yippee - progress! The office staff person did what she said she would do and even had the doc review the notes and even called me back. I'm officially on the schedule for end of January, with the promise of being added to the waitlist if there are any cancellations. Even though I'm happy I got the appointment I'm now worried that the doctor saw something in my files that she thinks needs to be addressed. Or maybe she didn't want to just dismiss me offhandedly. I don't know. Hope I can get in sooner than January. Hope if she did see an issue that it's easily fixable.

In the meantime, I also wanted to get an opinion from an ENT. In the summer I went to see my pcp because I wasn't feeling well. I had been crying a lot after the d&c so the symptoms of a sinus infection were masked and it took too long to get it checked out. Lately I've been having similar symptoms. Even though they're way more mild I wanted to nip this in the bud before they get worse. In contrast to the endo, I called the ENT Wednesday and got an appointment for Thursday with the PA. She checked my ears, nose, and throat. Apparently I have lots of inflammation in my nose but ears are clear and she saw no signs of infection. Her best estimate was that it's "probably environmental." Allergies maybe? I couldn't go through my medical history without mentioning the fertility stuff, and she suggested that if I'm still upset often it may be a factor as well. I am, and it is. Since she didn't see signs of infection she didn't want to prescribe antibiotics, which is fine - I'd rather not take any if I don't have to. She made a few otc recommendations and sent me on my way. The hypochondriac in me is satisfied and I feel like it was an hour well spent.

In addition to all this there has been more crime in our neighborhood: break-ins to homes and cars, carjackings, muggings, etc. It's stressful to have this on top of everything else. The community watch-groups are trying to ramp up surveillance but it's scary.