Hesitant

Does it feel like November is zooming by for anyone else? I feel like baseline is coming up faster and faster, and with it the end of our break.

I haven't ordered meds yet for IVF 7. No reason, just haven't. It sickens me to have to spend $5,000 on medication on a cycle that may or may not work.

I'm part of a support group on facebook and every time someone asks for tips about IVF or a transfer it sends shivers up my spine about what's ahead.  Someone just posted about a beta of 37 and it made me relive all the awful parts of a transfer and 2ww.

My sister wants to do gender-reveal cookies at Thanksgiving and asked me if that would be ok. What am I supposed to say? It's not like she can hide her pregnancy. I appreciate that she wants to be sensitive even though nothing helps the kick in the gut. Just because I'm being robbed of all the cutesy pregnancy-related milestones doesn't mean she has to be also. I told her it's fine but to not take it personally if I or my husband don't participate.

I'm worried and scared. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad if we knew it was going to work eventually, but I've lost that blind belief. At this point it's just faith and hope getting us through each day.