Post-op

Feeling ok. Went to work today. I had some cramping, more so than yesterday, that I've been trying to sooth with Tylenol but will probably break out the good drugs before bedtime. My jaw also hurt today, like very tender to the touch on my jaw bone on both sides. I emailed my nurse asking if it was a new side effect of the anesthesia. I got a disturbing response: the anesthetist had to lift my jaw during the procedure. Yikes. I googled what that actually meant, which is when your breathing slows too much and they have to manually lift your lower jaw to get more oxygen into your system. Apparently this isn't uncommon. I find it quite unsettling but not sure why I'm so scandalized.


There are a few things I found helpful during this incredibly difficult time:

• People who texted to check in. I liked that they cared enough to think of us. I liked that I got the message without having to put in the effort of a conversation if I wasn't up for a phone call.
• People who visited. Whether it was just for a hug or a long conversation, it was helpful to have visitors. 
• People who respected our space and didn't visit when we needed time to ourselves.
• People who texted, "Is it ok if I bring over dinner at 6pm?" instead of just the generic, "Let me know if you need anything." I didn't know what I needed. I wasn't in a place to ask even if I did.
• People who offered to do grocery shopping for us. Even though we never took them up on it the offer was appreciated. 
• People who stopped by with snacks, like homemade brownies or a bag of cheese curls.

Things that were well-meaning but I did not find helpful:

• Suggesting to us it might be time to switch doctors/clinics
• Doing research online and making suggestions about what worked for someone somewhere
• Saying "at least you found out before you got too far along..." 
• Saying "at least you know you can get pregnant..."
• Saying "maybe the meds are messing with the embryos... maybe you should try an unmedicated transfer"
• Bringing up adoption and surrogacy
• Asking if the doctors have any idea why this happened
• Asking what we'll do different next time