We had a potluck lunch at my sister's for a family birthday and among other things, I was in charge of dessert. I brought fresh fruit, two mousse pies (one chocolate and one vanilla) which were divine, and the winner was the mini cinnamon buns with cream cheese frosting. I am a huge fan of baked goods already but these came out really out of this world.
Mini cinnamon buns.... with cream cheese frosting
They were perfect. Even though everyone was full from lunch and the relatively heavy mousse pies, we still finished nearly 2/3 of that 9x13" pan of cinnamon buns. If you like baking, or eating delicious baked goods, I highly recommend this dessert.
I also did a lot of thinking over the weekend. As much as I feel aggravated by the doctor and his lack of phone skills, I notice I still defend him when someone trash-talks his indifferent behavior. I know I technically CAN move to a different doctor if need be but I'm not ready. The trapped feeling I have is due to needing fertility treatment in general, not necessarily this particular doctor.
I worry that changing doctors may delay the next steps somehow, as though they'll insist on repeating all the prelim testing for which we already have answers, instead of moving forward and picking up where we left off with this doc. If I was unhappy with the medical care I was receiving, that would be an acceptable delay. But the part I'm unhappy with is the manner in which he communicates. He relies too heavily on the nurse to do the majority of the communication and when he's needed to step in, he doesn't do it on my timetable. I could change to a different doctor with a more hand-holding bedside manner, but will that get me to my goal any faster?
In full disclosure, I realize that this is a common theme with this clinic. Before January I was assigned to a different nurse. I felt like she was distant and had a robotic, detached demeanor. There were several mistakes that she made that I felt warranted a complaint letter. This happened before I started the blog so I have nothing to link to, but suffice it to say that I was ready to request a new nurse then. It happened to be that I held off with the complaints wanting to think it over and in January she was assigned to a new office and I got the nurse I have now, which I love. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I was ready to request a new financial counselor because of all the things she did. The issues are real issues and my complaints are valid, but I'm noticing a pattern here. Either everyone is incompetent or I just have extraordinary expectations.
So I need to be prepared to keep going to this place and know that I have to keep a vigilant eye on things because they tend to screw up, or I need to cut my losses and start looking for another place.
I'm inclined to give this doc one more chance simply because I don't want to lose sight of the big picture, which is trying to get pregnant with a healthy baby. We finally have a thread to pull: we were told my uterine lining is pre-receptive. We just found out we have a variable we know was wrong in the protocol. Changing it may be the key to finally getting somewhere on the road to having a baby. Do I want to put the brakes on that while I yell at him for not calling soon enough? No, that's not helpful and will not get me what I want.
Is his manner frustrating? Yes. Could he be a better doctor? Probably. But I am willing to look past this so we can move on to the next steps. I don't want to hold a grudge, I'm not interested in being mad at him, and I don't need the added stress of thinking about switching right now. I know this is probably not the last time he'll disappoint me, but my wanting a successful pregnancy supersedes all the disappointed feelings.
Putting things in perspective has really helped calm me down. It's hard not to lose the forest for the trees, especially when everything is so emotionally charged.
I am a big believer in stepping in and advocating for yourself, which has proven helpful time and again along this journey. But I also believe in balance and picking your battles. There is a time to fight and there's a time to be patient, and right now is the time to put away the boxing gloves and sit tight.
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