No news

The crown won. My permanent crown was put in this morning while we're still waiting for results of the ERA.

I don't understand what takes so long. My assigned nurse is on vacation this week but I called anyway to find out if results have come back yet. The nurse filling in left me a voicemail and said she talked to the doctor and no results have come back yet. She also said that she'll call the lab tomorrow to follow up.

I'm trying not to think too far ahead. The problem with fertility treatment is that the highs are so high which makes the lows so low. It's scary to hope.  Even at the lowest low, it's hard not to think about the future and continue to keep the hope alive. It's almost an addiction. After every negative failed beta, one of the first thoughts is, "So when can we try again?" and mentally calculate the options. It's a survival tactic. It's a way to deal with the devastating losses.

But how many times will we have to do this? How many more lows? How many more 2WWs will we have to survive through? Will we ever make it to the other side?

There was an accident and a set of glass shot glasses we got as a gift from my husband's grandmother had a tragic meeting with the floor. My husband's reaction? "It's just stuff..." as he sadly swept it up. "The thing about going through treatment is that it gives you perspective. You start to value the things that really matter." He is wise.

We had three healthy embryos the last cycle. We've already transferred one and it's gone forever as a failed chemical pregnancy. I know what I hope for next. Hoping is dangerous and scary but hope is also the fuel feeding the fire. As long as there's a chance, there's hope.