FET6: 4dp6dt (2/27/18)

This post was originally written on the date in the subject line. All posts for FET 6 were saved as drafts and posted together as a series on one day. Read more here. 

I tested again. I knew it wouldn't be good but I still did. So stupid.

It came out negative, of course. And then I had to reassure myself so I googled (omg will the madness never end?!) and they all said that expired tests are a big mistake. In fact, some even recommend not using a test within 6 months of expiration because the chemicals degrade, especially the cheap strips that I'm using. That made me feel better. 

Then I checked the test again about 20 min later and it had turned to a faint positive. So I raced back to google and they said that false positives are also common with degraded tests, especially if they're kept in the bathroom with steam and heat. That's where I keep mine!

Solution: toss the rest of the strips. I only had about 6 more and they all expire 2/2018. They're not going to tell me anything and I will just keep driving myself insane going back and forth. 

I'm trying to have something every day to look forward to. Purim is coming up. We're going to a party on Sat night. My birthday is coming up. We may celebrate early or late.... beta happens to be on my birthday. I debated asking the clinic to change it to a day earlier. But I decided I'll take my bday off of work and so that way I'll be able to control where I am when I get results. In the past I've gone home to cry and been unable to come back. I was already planning to take off for my bday so it works out well. 

I've been trying not to scrutinize every twinge or symptom. In truth I haven't really had symptoms. My uterus feels like it's been dancing for a few days. Fluttering? Activity? Something. But who's to say it's not from the PIO. I'm not reading too much into it. No lower back pain, thankfully, ever since I got a new bed. I've been tired, but that's mainly from waking up too early and being unable to fall back asleep. No food aversions, no nausea. The cramping is all but a faint memory. Every so often I remember my secret and get a little jolt in my stomach. Sometimes it's excitement. Sometimes it's dread of another failure. Trying to stay positive and stop googling.

Yesterday felt like the longest day in history. I couldn't believe how long time was dragging.