My moods go up and down. Yesterday was an up day and I even allowed myself to daydream about calculating a possible due date. Today, not so much. I woke up feeling some period-like cramps which really bummed me out. It could be fine, it could be the end. The unknown is maddening.
I haven't tested yet. At this point I've thoroughly convinced myself that it would do more harm than good. Since I haven't taken any HPTs until now there's nothing to compare to see if the line is getting darker or not, so a negative would be awful but a positive won't quiet my mind either. No matter what I won't get any guarantees.
The what ifs are mentally exhausting and slowly driving me crazy. It may also be the hormones. Something is making me feel insane, though I'm told I'm putting on a good show. I snapped at my husband yesterday. I still think I'm right, but I recognize now I may have overreacted. I asked him to give me some wide space as a compromise.
I'm tired of this game. I don't like this ride. I want the magical ticket to exit the merry-go-round and move on with my life. Can we just do that?
Two more sleeps until beta.
So close, hang in there! Really hoping you'll get a good strong beta.
ReplyDeletety xo. so, so hoping.
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