IVF 6: Recovery

First of all, milk of magnesia directions say a bm is expected within 1/2 to 6 hours. That did not happen. I considered taking a second dose but gave it until morning. It wasn't exactly what I was expecting but still better than nothing.

Second, we got an embryo update. They biopsied 2 embryos today. Just two. They said they're "still watching" the rest but I'm having a difficult time processing the number. I knew to expect attrition; I knew we would likely not biopsy all 14. But to go from Day 5 with 14 to Day 6 with only two biopsied felt like an enormous blow. I know that doesn't mean it's only two for this cycle for sure, but it might be. We only have a 25% chance per embryo for PGD results to come back favorable.

Of course I spiraled from being sad about low numbers to worrying that we may have to do this again to crying that this may never happen for us to just freaking out about what's the point of any of this. I just went through the worst recovery yet and the only thing that kept me going was thinking that we had lots of embryos and there was a chance we'd never have to go through this again. Now I'm not so sure. I'm still not sure.

I need to pull myself together because I have a long week ahead. We're going away for two days tomorrow for a family simcha in New York. I also need to get my act together for Rosh Hashanah: shopping, cooking, laundry, so much to do. People ask what they can do to help and I don't know what to tell them. I can't think ahead enough to know what to ask for.

After Shabbat I listened to the voicemail about the embryo update. As I was processing I got a text from my sister that they're expecting another baby. I'm really happy for her and I appreciate that she texted me early before showing or sharing with the rest of the family. Timing could have been better but it is what it is.

At this point the wind was knocked out of my sails and I'm having a hard time. If I could skip the family get together out of town I would. As it is I don't have anything to wear that doesn't make me look like I have a six-month belly.  As if I don't get enough comments as it is.

Until tomorrow... with whatever news it brings.