Summer

The summer is going by way too fast. I always feel like July 4th marks the beginning of the end of summer. Especially when I start seeing Back-to-School sales.  

I've spent a large chunk of summer in some doctor's office. Between all of our appointments (urgent care and office visits for bronchitis/ear infection/pneumonia/sinus infection/sore throat/abdominal pain, colonoscopy, MRI, physical therapy, postpartum visits, and well-visits) among the four of us, it's been a busy several months. With everyone on the mend I can pause and be grateful for health insurance coverage. I've also spent several weeks dealing with the car after we were rear-ended. Among other things I need to prove disposal of the carseats so I can get reimbursed for the new ones, but how do you prove you disposed of them? 

I've yet to secure childcare for the infant and my maternity leave is over in just a few short weeks. I can't not go to work but the thought of leaving him with someone else all day makes me cry. So I avoid thinking about it. I was on the hunt for a nanny for a while but I don't think that's for me. All the licensed daycares nearby are full and have waiting lists through June 2023. I don't know what my other options are and I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm hoping it will work out. We can't go without my salary and I want to keep my full time status for various reasons including my student loan forgiveness. It shouldn't be this hard and how awful that this is an added stress to add to the postpartum recovery. Most American women are already back at work at this point postpartum so the privilege of still being home isn't lost on me. 

The baby gets cuter every day. He recently started smiling and giggling. Big brother is acclimating well after a really rocky start. I didn't know how hard the transition would be, and no one warned me, from one to two. In considering whether we want a third, it's a definite yes from me but my husband is not yet on board. There are still too many things that need to settle before he can even have the conversation. Maybe a post on this in the future to unpack all the thoughts. 

I'm sick to my stomach about what's happening around the world. Uvalde. Abortion laws. Politics. What is happening. Why is our country such a dumpster fire right now. The only country that keeps having mass shootings. The only country without basic care for people like family leave. Or formula! I had formula shipped in from Israel because it's been so difficult finding it here. We discussed hypothetical scenarios of moving to another country. Not seriously, but who knows. 

In the past few weeks every time I've felt scared or worried or frustrated or lonely I made a donation to a local charity that helps families who can't afford food or their bills. One day soon when the sleep deprivation isn't fogging my brain and I can function properly again then I'll be able to contribute more to society, but for now it's a small token of trying to do my part to add some good in this world. Choose kindness. Choose patience. Choose to be better. It's not always possible or easy, but it's something. It helps me feel a bit better, at least temporarily until the next news cycle.