Womp womp

It took a month for the lab to tell us that there was not enough sample to run the ERA test.

I'm very frustrated. It shouldn't have taken a month to get us that information and we shouldn't have had to run after them for results. There were several mistakes along the way, starting with the original paperwork that didn't check off enough boxes. I remember that painful biopsy and my eyes hurt. Memories of pain or tears of frustration? Some of both.

My doctor is comfortable moving forward with the information we have. I'm scared and worried but I need to place my trust somewhere. What better place than with the doctor who helped us the last time around. I also remind myself that frozen embryos are not babies. Delaying a transfer because we're worried about the outcome doesn't give them a chance. I could biopsy my uterus another year of cycles and I'm not guaranteed to get better or different results. Ultimately there's only so much we can do and after we put in our best effort and do everything in our power, it is up to Him whether the embryo will stick, thrive, grow, and result in a healthy baby.

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I turned down the job. It wasn't the right fit for me. I know it was the right decision because after that conversation I felt relief, no regret. I'm glad to have had that experience because it sharpened my interview skills and clarified my priorities. There is fear in change but when it's commingled with excitement then you know there's something to it. I'm not sure of the path going forward but I now know I'm more open to change than I originally thought.

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An old filling needed to be replaced. It took about 20 minutes but I got 3 hours of a numb lip which, in my opinion, is the worst part. Once my tongue was no longer numb I felt a sharp edge. I tried to floss it away. Tried to reason that it will likely smooth out on its own. But after 24 hrs of it bothering me (my tongue keeps going back to check if it's still there - yep, still sharp), I called the dentist for an adjustment. They squeezed me in 45 min before closing with a full waiting room. The dentist couldn't feel what I feel so kept randomly polishing in a variety of angles and no matter how much I tried to explain the location, he wasn't understanding. I could tell he was getting impatient. He said, try that see how it feels. 

What I should have said: "I understand that you're busy and have other patients waiting, and I appreciate that you fit me into the schedule today. It's still bothering me though and I need your help to fix the problem. Can we start by isolating the area to see if we can get on the same page so you know where to smooth it out?" 

Instead, I said: "Okay" and left. And now I'm embarrassed and mad at myself that I didn't push it. It will probably bother me all weekend and I'll call back on Monday and waste more time on it because it should get fixed.

I will likely be looking for a new dentist.

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I hate that case numbers are going back up. I hate that protections against the virus, like vaccinations and mask-wearing, have become so politicized that people are fighting against them. I recognize people are worried and want to exercise some control in a situation that feels very much out of control. I also recognize that there is so much misinformation circling that it can be difficult to make sense of it. Just because it is 100% clear to me that the vaccines are safe and effective doesn't mean that someone else will take my word for it, or the word of top leading experts, or their own doctors. I think incentivizing people won't work; it's only when things become inconvenient for them (like when work or school mandates it, or it will be a requirement for concerts and events) that more people on the fence will get vaccinated. 

My friend on maternity leave gave notice. She gave birth in June and was supposed to be back to work in a few weeks but because of the virus she decided to stay home with the baby. She is worried about sending her child to daycare with what's happening in the world. Being fortunate enough to be in a position to have that choice is the dream. I love that for her and hope she enjoys time home with baby as much as I did.