What a week

I got the saddest news on Sunday. A friend who had twins in March lost one of the babies on Mother's day. Apparently there was no history of any medical condition and it was just sudden. Eight weeks old and they found him unresponsive in his carseat. It's every parent's nightmare and the absolute most devastating thing. He had a name and a sweet personality and a family who loved and cared for him. When the mom posted a tribute on facebook with pictures I just lost it at work and cried while my heart ached for this family's loss.

Yesterday was Yom Hazikaron - Israel's Memorial Day - which remembers the fallen soldiers who died protecting Israel and its people. It was cathartic to cry with everyone, not only for the fallen soldiers and the loss of their futures but for this tiny baby as well.

From darkness to light... and as the sun set on Yom Hazikaron it marks the start of Israel's Independence Day: Yom Haatzmaut. In Israel it's a national holiday and everyone celebrates with family, BBQs, day trips, and lots of music and dancing. I love this holiday and hope I get to celebrate it in Israel one day.

Work has been so busy and I've been coming home exhausted every day. It's our busy season which peaks the first week of June, just before a possible FET. Even so, I've been making time to work out and it's really helping my diet. So far I'm 3.5 lbs down toward my 10 lb goal. I've been sticking to my calorie intake and having lots of fruit, veg, and protein, with sparse grains and fats. Smoothie with fruit, greens, and yogurt for breakfast, salad for lunch, multiple snacks throughout the day, and a balanced dinner. I'm not depriving myself of anything, just keeping it within my calorie limit. So far I feel great, I'm not hungry, and I'm seeing great results. I think it's working because I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. It might be "beginner's luck" and the first part was just water weight, so we'll see.

I placed the order for the FET meds and need to schedule my baseline appointment. While part of me wants to get to the next stage, another part of me is really enjoying "normal" life without hormones, shots, doctor visits, blood draws, or the emotional roller coaster. Not that I want to postpone anything, but I am dreading some parts of the process. Thigh/butt shots are so unpleasant and the last two times there was no light at the end of the tunnel; they both resulted in negative betas. Beside that I was an emotional mess complete with insomnia. I'd pay good money to skip forward to the 6 week ultrasound check!