Starting out

When I first started treatment I was sure that it would work. I had so much confidence in the science and technology and felt lucky to be able to afford the care. I started out not telling anyone, not keeping a journal, not spending any time building a support system because I was sure I wouldn't be in the pre-parenthood stage for long. It was just my husband, me, and our clinic.

Two IVF cycles and two FETs later, I am not so sure anymore. Medically they say everything looks fine. According to the docs, it's about a numbers game and the more often we try the more likely it will happen. Not only has my confidence in the medicine wavered, but it also reaffirms that no matter how technologically advanced we have become there is still a point where nature has to take over, and that is entirely up to Him.

As we prepare to start a third IVF cycle, mentally and financially, I realize how important it is to have a strong support system. We told our parents after the first negative beta when the sadness was so overwhelming and I couldn't even begin to pretend to act normal. The rest of the family found out before we started the second cycle. They were there for us when we got our second negative beta, possibly even more devastating than the first.

I also came across several IVF blogs online and found comfort in the knowledge that there are others who understand the daily struggle. There were a few blogs from frum families who stopped blogging as soon as they were blessed with children, but their words are still published and helpful. While there are many different blogs, I didn't find many authored by Orthodox Jewish couples. I decided to share my experiences in the hopes that it may help someone else going down a similar path, and possibly connect with other couples going through similar challenges.