Waiting for results

As I suspected, they were supposed to do all three: ERA, EMMA, and ALICE. They only did two of the three because of a paperwork error at the clinic. I prefer not to repeat the test if it's at all avoidable. It's not only the wait of an additional cycle but it's also the discomfort of the procedure in addition to the out of pocket cost. But more than all of that, I don't want to waste an embryo on a transfer where we're not sure about the environment. My doctor apologized profusely and said she would call the lab to see if they still have the samples to be able to run the third test. She is confident, however, that we will have enough information to be able to move forward. The third test was only thrown in as a why-not since we were taking samples anyway. Hopefully I'll know more in the next day or two.

The timeline got kind of messed up due to an unexpected shorter cycle. It seems like the mock cycle for the biopsy shortened my cycle significantly and my period arrived nearly a week earlier than anticipated. If we decide to move forward with a transfer at the next cycle, assuming it's predictable and not another fluke, it puts a potential transfer right in the middle of when we were planning to go on vacation. If we delay to the following cycle, we're looking at all the fall holidays which means lots of complicated logistics.

I don't want to skip our getaway, but I would postpone a vacation before trying to do a cycle during the holidays. If we wait until October then we're missing out on whatever potential benefits the biopsy did to the lining. Not sure that's scientifically backed but it's a theory, and we're trying to replicate whatever was successful last time. 

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I'm on the hunt for a new microwave. Our old one has a piece that wore down, exposing a tiny amount of metal. This happened early on in the pandemic so our solution was to not have a microwave and just stopped using it. I finally called to schedule a repair and was told that it's unsafe and needs to be replaced. It's the kind that lives above the range so it needs to be installed with the exhaust so it's more complicated than just going to the store and picking one up. I don't miss the microwave that much so I'm not very motivated to make this happen. I don't want an unsafe appliance in the house so I'm making an effort to care. No regrets about getting rid of it. Not excited about needing to make decisions about another car.

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My car has a recall on it so I need to schedule a time to take it in. Another adult errand I'm not excited about. We started looking at cars again. Once my husband's company requires everyone to come back from remote work we'll need a second vehicle. I'm glad we got rid of our old second car which took up space, cost a lot to insure, and had its own slew of issues.

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trigger warning: internet child loss

I would describe my social media usage as frequent short bursts. I occasionally take a look at my usage time and it hovers around a daily average of 30 min. So definitely a waste of time but not so much that it's out of control. I was mindlessly scrolling Reels on insta while spacing out when I stumbled on something that really upset me. My feed is normally short dances, kitchen hacks, puppies and babies. In other words - happy reels that make me smile. I skip anything not to my liking . I was on the the third or fourth reel in a row, which started out with a happy family "until tragedy struck" and they show a couple at the cemetery looking over at their son's tombstone. It upset me so much, it nearly ruined my entire day. But I needed more information. How did he die? What happened? Upon some more investigating, their son fell off the bed at 20 months old, hit his head, and was declared brain dead a few days later. They started the instagram account to promote their business named after their son which sells something with loved ones names on it.

I have so many questions. It upset me that this happened - every parent's nightmare. It doesn't take much to make me cry about something I already have anxiety about. But the way they presented it, almost sensationalized it, to be able to promote their business. Everyone grieves in their own way, I understand that and don't care as long as it's not hurting anyone. But why do they have so many pictures of themselves at the cemetery? Who takes a camera there? Smiling with the coffin? wtf. Maybe I didn't get enough info about the situation because I left the account, I closed insta, and put my phone away for a few hours. It was that unsettling. It still makes me cry whenever I think about it. I don't know this kid. I don't know this family. It's the terrifying thought that this happens to people that is so upsetting to me. I wasn't prepared for it and it caught me off guard.

There's nothing to do about it, it's not like I can report the reel. Other than having poor taste they technically didn't do anything wrong. My beef is about how this could even happen and there isn't any human who can answer that question. I wasn't sure I would write about this but it was so upsetting. I needed to get it off my chest and I'm working on being less superstitious. I feel like that's where a lot of my anxiety stems from.

I'm not the kind of person that needs a TW on everything, or at least I thought I didn't. But I recognize that being in a specific mindset can alter how someone receives information. For me, I would have known to scroll past that reel had they put in a TW at the start. It feels like, in part, they did it on purpose for the shock value and that's what I dislike about it the most.