Shavuot 2018

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It's been busy the past few weeks. Whenever I started writing I'd get interrupted and distracted.  

Mother's Day passed without incident. I was so worried about it and the pressure with the lead up to it, with all the ads and expectations, was very difficult. But the day itself was just another Sunday. We did brunch with the family as a memorial to my grandmother who passed away on MD without any formal MD celebrations.

It's the busy season at work. I come home exhausted, barely able to keep my eyes open. It's basically just come home, forage in the fridge for some dinner fixins, and veg in front of the tv until bedtime. I don't have mental energy to do anything else. The constant rainy weather hasn't helped either. Currently we're binging the Handmaid's Tale. I know we're supposed to sympathize with the main character as the victim, and I do, but I also really understand the anger from the Wives and the toll infertility takes on their life. It's a horrible, terrifying, and addictive show.

Tonight is erev yom tov. Thanks to my husband's nightly reminders, I'm still in the count on day 48. I haven't done any of the cooking for the 3-day yom tov coming up. It took so much energy just to go shopping for groceries. Last night I came home after another long day at work and tried to get myself to start something, anything, with regard to cooking/baking. I thought maybe I'd Instagram the steps as some motivation to get started, but it wasn't happening. The result is that I'll likely pare down the menu and make it more simple. We were too late in inviting people -- most already had plans -- so it's just us for most of the meals. That's fine. I'm happy to sleep for three days.

The surgery is scheduled for next week. It's been on my mind a lot and I've been so worried about it that at this point I'm excited to get it over with. I'm hoping it will all go smoothly with a quick and easy recovery. I only took the day of off but he took the rest of the week, just in case. Once the surgery happens we have a clearer timeline toward IVF. I'll admit that it's been nice to have a mandatory break and just live regular life. There's something to be said about that feeling of peace that comes with acceptance of things beyond your control. I'm still calling the specialist office every so often, who is now booking in March 2019, for cancellations. I'm still 7th on the waitlist. I'll keep calling.


I'm planning to cook when I get home from work today. I'll post pictures of my cheesecakes if I have time to make any. Shabbat shalom and chag sameach!