Support

Last year I joined a few infertility support groups on fb. One of them is an active group with over 300 members of Jewish women, some have seen success, others not yet; all of them still in the trenches. Questions range from relevant (i.e., "What has been your experience with the HSG?") to the ones that are not relevant to me (i.e., "I'm ready to start trying for my next kid but I'm still breastfeeding, what did you do?"). The questions that aren't relevant to me don't bother me. I find the group to be supportive and helpful.

I'm also part of a different group made up of women who are dealing with primary infertility and have no kids yet. This group is smaller and doesn't have as many threads or active users. The thing that doesn't sit right with me is that there's a rule that you need to leave as soon as you have a baby, some even leave when they start to show. The problem with that is the feed is basically full of "trigger warning" threads about people announcing their pregnancy.

The idea of being with people who completely understand every day struggles of living as a Jewish woman without children is comforting. The reality of the group is different, but maybe I'm not ready to give up on the idea. When I first started in the group I befriended the admin and we chatted online for a while. I wished her the best and knew that even though she's been struggling for nearly 7 years her time was coming. Sure enough within a few months of chatting she announced in the group that she's set in place a new admin because she's expecting and about to start showing. I don't hold it against her. I already know the drill: everyone I befriend on this journey is successful within months, regardless of how long they struggled before we met. I just need to figure out how to get that lucky charm to work on myself!

My hesitation to leave the group stems from wanting to feel connected to other people who still understand what it's like and not knowing where to find it otherwise. Thinking more about it, I know that if I'm not getting anything from the group I could cut the clutter and leave. I muted the group for a few days as a test and I didn't miss it, so if I'm not gaining anything from it I see no reason to stay.