IVF 4: Day 6

This cycle is just swimming along. It's basically happening on its own with very little effort on my part. I remember the first cycle where I'd carefully prepare the medication and triple check everything. The nightly procedure would take 30 min or more, sometimes with me having to start over because I was so nervous. With this cycle, I go through it so quickly, usually with the TV in the background and forgetting it as soon as I log it. In fact, if I didn't write things down I'd likely not remember doing it at all. This morning I was scheduled to go in for bloodwork and as I was leaving the house I had to triple check the calendar to make sure the appointment was today. I'm basically coasting -- I've been here before, I know the steps, and it's just on cruise control now.

I find myself very distracted. This cycle is just one more thing happening, unlike in past cycles where it literally took over my life and all my thoughts. Things are busier at work, so that could be a factor. I'm also busy preparing for Pesach. All in all I'm not concered about phoning in this cycle. I'm still doing what I'm supposed to do, I'm just choosing not to let it engulf my every waking moment.

One of the thoughts that came to mind this morning in the waiting room was about how people dress for the monitoring appointments. I found myself judging the people who wore complicated outfits or wearing tights. In my mind, once the ultrasound is finished, I have a small window of time to get dressed and clear the room so that the next person can be set up. If you surpass the acceptable time frame because you had to put on tights or mess around with your complicated zippers, you're holding up the line! It was irrational and ridiculous - no one is spending hours getting redressed.

Pesach prep is coming along nicely. I have menus and shopping lists done. I'm debating between consolidating trips and doing all the shopping at once, or doing the non-perishables now and then leave only the fruits and veg to the week of Pesach. If the cycle proceeds as anticipated, the estimated date for the egg retrieval is 4/15 which is a week before Pesach. It's enough time to recover, but I don't want to leave any heavy lifting for that week. As it is, I'll have to do the kitchen and cooking that week so I'd rather leave as few errands and shopping for that week as possible.

My mood has improved greatly over the past few days. I was sad and depressed earlier in the week and I've oscillated to the other direction, being giddy and excited about everything. I'm expecting to swing back in the next few days but in the meantime I'm enjoying not being miserable. I had all these great ideas about things to do: learn a new instrument! Take a trip! Get another degree! The list goes on and the energy is endless. My latest thing is that I want to learn to scuba dive. We're working on saving for a big 10th anniversary trip for summer 2017 so maybe I'll work some of these ideas into that trip.

I think part of the reason I'm trying not to think about this cycle too much is because I'm worried about it. I don't want it to fail. If I don't think about it too hard there's less of a chance I'll go on the what-if roller coaster.